> The human body has 7 trillion nerves.......my wife manages to get on every fucking one of them.
> I fitted strobe lights in the bedroom.They're brilliant...It makes the wife look like she’s actually moving during sex…
> My wife said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerate. I was so shocked I almost tripped over my dick.
> I went to the doctor’s office the other day and found out that my new doctor is young female and drop dead gorgeous.
> I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don't worry, I am a professional – I've seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I'll check it out.
> I said, “My wife thinks that my dick tastes like asparagus”
> I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message claiming that she loves anal.
> Dyslexic bitch , it turns out that she loves Alan, my best friend……
> A guy is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV when he suddenly yells, “Don't enter that church, you damn fool !!!”
> His wife asks him, “What are you watching?”
> Husband replies, “Our wedding video."
> I said to the wife, “Get me a newspaper”
> “Don't be silly,” she said “You can borrow my iPad”
> That spider never knew what fucking hit it.