2006 Things To Do - Float Five Rivers

I had some great days floating and fishing last year but mainly floated the Missouri. Next year I want to float the:

Blackfoot
Clark Fork
North Fork of the Flathead
A new river I haven't floated.

And I would love to float the Smith (see link).

Insane Car Ad

How crazy do you have to be to do these stunts in an Isuzu?

See where every plane flying over the U.S. is AT THIS VERY SECOND!

This is way cool.

Not as cool as living in a town where you go to the airport when you hear the flight come in, but pretty cool.

What I Heard About Iraq in 2005

I heard a journalist ask the President: ‘Do you think that the insurgency is getting harder now to defeat militarily?’ And I heard the President reply: ‘No, I don’t think so. I think they’re being defeated. And that’s why they continue to fight.’

Your Daddy KILLS Animals!

PETA, making friends for over 30 years.

"And it doesn’t do any good for your daddy to throw them back
in the water, either. Fish who are impaled and thrown back in
the water swim away with a horrible bloody wound, and with no
fish doctors around to take care of them, many slowly die! "

Ew! Ew! Ew!

They have RECORDS for this? Someone CLAIMED that record? Ew! Ew! Ew!

I need to go look at pictures of lovely women or something.

Explain This To Your Insurance Agent

It's amazing just how stupid some people are.

Wanted It - so I ordered one.

The LightCap is not only an unbreakable one-liter water bottle, it’s also the coolest solar powered LED light you’ve ever used.

I Like Montana Politics

Schweitzer's jeans, dog get thumbs up

HELENA - Montana voters show lopsided support for one of Gov. Brian Schweitzer's more proletariat policies - wearing jeans to work and routinely bringing his border collie to the office, a Gazette State Poll shows.

Sixty-eight percent of registered Montana voters surveyed said they thought it was appropriate for Schweitzer to wear blue jeans to work and bring his dog Jag to the governor's office. Only 22 percent considered the behavior inappropriate, while 10 percent said they were unsure.

Schweitzer typically wears jeans, a dress shirt, cowboy boots with a low heel, and a bolo tie.

Shortly after his successful 2004 election, but before he was sworn in as governor, Schweitzer showed up with Jag, then just a puppy. The gubernatorial herd dog is now a mainstay at the Capitol, often seen trotting behind the governor or plopped near Schweitzer's feet during meetings.

Science for the very poor school

Most boring webcam ever

People doing not much in place where even less happens.

Let this be a warning to all of you

While none of the stars are believed to have a medical degree, the colorful graphics and informative documentaries in the exhibits certainly seemed convincing enough for them to confidently label psychiatry a "fraud" and an "industry of death."

Has Bush Been Drinking Again?

Watch the video and decide for yourself.

The Last Christmas Video of the Year

At least from me.

Don't forget to wait for Tiny Tim.

Where do vampires learn to suck blood?

Law school.

We have a new Chinese restaurant in town

And I will never order from the bottom half of the menu.

Christmas With The Family

I am blessed in that I have several families. Last night was spent with one of my families - going out to supper, opening presents and just hanging out. Watching the kids and adults open my and each other's presents was a true joy. And Travis showed the true Christmas spirit by first enjoying and then sharing my gift to him:





This is Travis about 12 years ago with my dog, Bob.

Another Sign Of The Apocalypse

Using a network of cameras that can automatically read every passing number plate, the plan is to build a huge database of vehicle movements so that the police and security services can analyse any journey a driver has made over several years.

Beyond Flexible

This woman is amazing, at the level of a new species type of amazing.

What I Want For Christmas - NOT!

True story - When my godson Seth was eight years old we saw someone wearing one of these hats. I got Seth to go up to the guy and say:

(crying) "Mister, why did you kill your dog?"

He was the most fun kid ever.

Pac-Man Fever

Waka-waka-waka.

EAT IT? Never in a million years

I Yust Go Nuts At Christmas

This is one of my favorite Christmas songs but I couldn't find an MP3. I actually have this on a 78 rpm record and when I am at home for Christmas we drag out one of the Victrolas (we have several) and listen to the scratchy old record.

So in your best Norhoogian accent, please join me in singing:

Jorgi Jorgenson - I Just Go Nuts At Christmas

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas,
On that yolly holiday,
I'll go in the red, like a knucklehead
Cause I squander all my pay.

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas,
Shopping sure drives me beserk,
On the day before, I rush in da store,
Like a nervous nelly yerk.
I look at nightgowns for my vife,
Dose black ones trimmed in red.
But, I won't know her size,
And so, she'll get a carpet sweeper instead.

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas
Ven each kid hangs up his sock,
Its a time for kids, to flip der lids,
While der papa goes in hock.

On da night before Christmas.
Its still in the house,
My family is sleeping,
I'm quiet like a mouse.
I look at my vatch, and midnite is near,
I tink I'll sneak out, For a cold glass of beer.
Down at the corner, the crowd is so merry,
I end up by drinking about twelve Tom & Yerry,

I get to bed late, and yee vhise how I'm sleeping,
Ven on to my bed, dose darn kids, day come leaping.
Day sit on my face, and day yump on my belly,
And I'm quivering all over, like a bowl full of yelly,

Day scream Merry Christmas, and my poor vife and me,
Ve stumble down stairs, and she lights off da tree.
My head is exploding, my mouth tastes like a pickle,
I step on a skate, and fall on a tricycle.

Yust befor Christmas dinner, I relax to a point,
Den relatives start svarming, all over da yoint.
On Christmas, I hug and I kiss my vifes mother,
Da rest of da year, ve don't speak to each other.
After dinner, my aunt, and my vifes uncle Louie,
Get into a arguement; dere both awful screwy.
Den all of my vifes family, say Louie is right,
And my goofy relations, day yoin in da fight.

Back in da corner, da radio is playing,
And over da racket, Gabriel Heater is saying,
Peace on earth everybody, and good vill toward men
and yust at dat moment, someone slugs uncle Ben.
Dey all run outside vhooping for da neighbors will hear,
Ohhhh, I'm so glad Merry Christmas,
Comes yust once a year.

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas,
But I still have lots of fun,
Yust da same as you, I enyoy it too,
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE.

iPod Purse

This looks totally '60's cool.

Free 411 Service For Your Cellphone

Approved by Snopes.

Sunday Hike

Stella DID NOT want ride in the backseat with Nica, who does not tolerate bouncing all over the place.



They keep his head warmer? They are lined with tinfoil? I don't know why.

A Bush Speech Decoded and Annotated

I wish they could show this on TV.

It's Krumkake Time!!!

I spent my afternoon making the first batch of krumkake and delivering it to friends. Several new people got to try it as well. There are few things more satisfying than watching someone eat a treat for the first time and say, "OH MY GOD! THAT IS SO GOOD!"


Plus three cups of sugar.



Like a cast iron skillet, it only looks dirty.


Out-of-Helena packages will be mailed after Christmas.



"Please sir, can I have some more?"

Nica's New Best Friend

She takes pity on the poorly dressed.

Step Two - Part Two of Replacing the Floor

The fridge is still on the back porch as are a couple of coolers of food. Last night after a party I left out half a growler of Blackfoot Brewing Company Amber Ale. It is now frozen solid. I forgot to bring in the cooler with the milk and orange juice so I had to thaw a bit of slushy milk in the microwave to put over my cereal. Hopefully this afternoon or tomorrow I can bring it all back in.

The floor looks great though.

Mistletoe and Meat

Warning: These projects may cause ruined stoves, runaway children and lawsuits from the neighbors. And don’t eat or drink any of them either.

(if the bandwidth is overloaded just try later.)

A Laugh and a Shock

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.







I like to ease my holiday stress through poetry

Fire, fire burn real bright
Tell us who'll be burned tonight.
Snowmen everywhere will freak
To see a fellow snowman shriek.

Melting, mushing, squashing, squishing;
You'll bet snowmen will be wishing

Soggy heaven, up he'll go;
His mother, she will miss him so.

We'll send him to his fiery tomb,
Spring's arrival is his doom,

To welcome in the spring's delight,
We'll kill a snowman this dreary night.

-- Amy Sampson and Adele Worcester, grade 7


Kill, kill, kill the snowman!
Slit its throat, pour its blood.
Cut off its nose and eat it like Bugs Bunny.
That would be funny.
Pull out the coal eyes and burn them to ashes.
Roll the eyelashes in window sashes.
Take his top hat and put it on,
Pretend you are Uncle Scrooge ... you're gone!
Smack him with a hammer called Sledgie
Yank his undies and give him a wedgie
Little stick arms, break them in two.
Jump on them, kick them with your shoe.
Take his buttons, put them on your coat,
Toss him in the river, see if he'll float.
Tighten his scarf, make him barf.
Steal his mittens
Feed them to kittens.
Slice him right down the middle
Bash the remains with a big fat fiddle.

-- Justin Bloch and Corey Lindstrom, Grade 8

Producers will try to fit person to part in 'Vagina Monologues'

"The queer community, the women of color community and the plus-size community did not feel represented last year," producer Nicole Pete said.”

I’m guessing that the plus-size community is a pretty large one.


Oh, snap. I think I just did a hate crime.

If you are looking for my Christmas gift . . .

I think this just might freak Nica out.

For the REALLY craft obsessed.

Grandma, that's gross!

Sunrise

Step 2 - Remove stove and fridge

That isn't dirt on the floor, it's burnt glue. And I painted the wall behind the fridge and stove the same blue as the rest of the kitchen. Yeah, I painted it. With Morgan Fairchild as my assistant.



Getting the fridge out on the deck was a problem for a few moments.



Apparently if you feed enough toothpicks to a vacuum cleaner it starts to smoke.



I also discovered that the floor is composed of pressboard, cut to different sizes (and shapes) and screwed into the floor. It looks like they had a bunch of leftover wood from some project, smoked a bowl and decided that it would be fun to screw a jigsaw puzzle into the floor.

So I replaced it. With Morgan Fairchild as my assistant.

Best Media Errors of 2005

There are some good ones here, though not as good as the Helena paper reporting that bears would now be released from culvert traps by using electric "wenches" to open the trap door.

New Security Procedures for State Of Montana Web Pages

You probably won't even notice.

Here's a little Christmas Fun for the kids

and the rest of us as well. Enjoy.

A Very Sexy Woman . . .

who says, "Bollocks!".

My new favorite commercial.

My Trip To Paradise

I spent last night at Quinn's Hot Springs on my way to Paradise (Montana).

Here are some pictures of the trip:

A Very Cool Song

When it goes odd stick with it.

Step 1 - Remove Old Flooring

Let no knuckle go unspared.



I hope that the person who used a lot of caulk to secure the tiles UNDER the baseboard has only one tooth left.


And that after they used these nails UNDER the baseboard they had a toothache in that one tooth.


It looked like junk and I will be glad to have it be gone.


Next is, "Where the heck do I move the fridge and stove when the linoleum goes in?"

Caller Eye Deer

I would like to rig something like this up for my office.

Sunrise

Fanfare For The Common Snowblower

"Putting on a pair of warm gloves at 10 below is a pleasure akin to great sex."

It'a A Wonderful Life

The whole movie In 30 seconds.

Acted by bunnies.


Which, I have to admit, is as much of the movie as I have ever watched. I just can't get into it. But now I know how it goes (and ends).

Cowboy Wisdom

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.

Life is simpler when you plough around the stump.

Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

It's better to be a has-been than a never-was.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks videos now online

There are tours of state parks and videos about various species as well as much more.

A Very Scary Website

If the first page isn't enough to wish for euthanasia for this girl, try and follow the purple list link to her Holiday pictures.

Follow-up article on the bison hunt.

I think this article says a lot about our culture here in Montana. We can disagree but still help each other.

1949 Candy Salesman's Catalog

I find it amazing how many of these candies are still around.

Wanders of a Well-Weathered Skeleton

I've posted some pictures of my November wanders.

When motorcycle strikes car.

The rider, who had recently obtained his license, was estimated to be going 155 mph (250 km) when he hit the car, which was moving slowly through an intersection.

I am such a volleyball stud!

Score:

Us 0 Them 9

Doug serves.

Us 12 Them 9

I served four aces and another three that never made it back over the net. My team carried me off on their shoulders.

Well maybe not the last part.

Dogtivity

This just isn't right. I don't care how much of a pet lover you are, having the baby Jesus portrayed by a dog is wrong.

And the Moosetivity?

Why a lumberjack? Why a werewolf?

If you know the answer to these questions, please let me know.

Also, how do you get down off an elephant?

Building Demolition

Whoops.

Stairway to Gilligan

"Hey, you got Gilligan in my Zepplin."

"No, you got Zepplin in my Gilligan."

Only men would buy a product like this.

On a scale of "Brilliant!" to "Stupid" this is nowhere near brilliant.

Or maybe I just feel that way because I've been working to get rid of mine.

How fast can you type the alphabet?

12.44 seconds for me.

A Great Advertisement

It's tough to sell something without showing the product. This is a great example of how it can be done.

I Found A Seasonal Song and Video I Like

The video is a cliche-fest.

Of should it be, "Merry Cheesemas"?

Hunting Pictures

Someone took these pictures between Billings and Roundup.

Custom Printed M&M's

These could make a very impressive gift with the right phrase.

If only they would eat bison

All researchers agree that all four factors—weather, bears, wolves, and hunters—have combined to create a perfect storm for the elk herd.

Just In time for New Year's Eve

Half the fun of drinking bubbly is seeing what damage you can do with the exploding cork.

I could actually use these

USB slippers. What will they think of next?

Having a great body is as easy as sitting on your . . .

You won't believe how easy it is.

Two New Cool Things from the Washington Post

The title link will take you to a "news cloud" which is a different way of presenting a lot of information visually.


World News Maps - Where is most newsworthy?

118 Things To Do This Winter

Revel in Montana's shortest, coldest and loudest parade, the 2006 Lunar New Year Parade in Butte, which starts at 3 p.m. at the courthouse on Feb. 4, chases away evil spirits with a massive dragon and ends with the lighting of 10,000 fireworks.

Erect a nativity scene on the courthouse lawn in the middle of the night. The next morning, sue to have it removed.
Cut down-ahem, thin-your own Christmas tree.

Go Christmas caroling, bring a tank of helium, sing only songs from the Christmas with the Chipmunks albums.

Wear your Chacos to a tanning salon; amaze your friends with a golden December glow.

Make a snow devil.

Round up the neighborhood kids and reenact classic Atari games like Space Invaders, Centipede and Missile Command with snowballs.

Try an eHike through Glacier National Park, available at www.nps.gov/glac/eHikes.htm. Beware of evalanches.

Stick your tongue to a flagpole. Alternately, double-dog-dare the person next to you to stick his tongue to a flagpole.

Take a full-moon hike.

Join an ice-fishing derby.

Catch a snowflake on your tongue.

Turn yourself into a snowball by rolling down a long, snowy hill. If you can't handle the intensity, ensconce yourself in a garbage can.

Build a snow shelter, and don't be afraid to venture beyond the traditional dome design. How about a three-room igloo? How about a Tudor mansion?

Snowmobile in Yellowstone.

Protest snowmobiling in Yellowstone.

I have entered an alternate universe

Pulp fiction finds a corporate sponsor? This is very, very odd.

Your horse is so gay!

Brown had just left the Cellar Bar when he allegedly called out to the policemen “Mate, you know your horse is gay, I hope you don’t have a problem with that.”

Political Correctness in Children's Books

The "pretty" stewardess is gone, as it the soldier.

Are you going shopping on Friday?

This link is to many of the fliers that will be in the newspaper. The guy is being sued for doing this but it's a lot easier to look at them now than having to sort through the newspaper.

Why Didn't I Think Of This part II

I hope that this is a joke.

"Everyone is born with it. A desire to be near the ones we care about most. And we find ways to remember them when they're away. A lock of hair. Letters. An old photo. And now there's Breath Capture™. Capture the breath of a loved one or friend and keep them close. Forever."

Why Didn't I Think Of This?

Now you can easily move handsfree around a darkened house reducing the risk of tripping over objects or running into doors, furniture or anything not easily seen in the dark.

Two Drawer Dishwasher

Because washing dishes is such a hassle.

I Like This

The current issue of [Vanity Fair] has several letters commenting on the [Paris] Hilton story, including this one:


[In the story about Paris Hilton, her sister] Nicky Hilton asked, "I'm 21 years old, I run two multi-million-dollar companies, I work my ass off. Like, what were you doing that was so fucking important at that age?" I would like to repond to that. When I was 21, I was busy working toward my Ph.D. in organic chemistry at the University of Minnesota. I was the first to synthesize the compound okadaic acid -- shown to be the leading cause of breast cancer.
- Steven F. Sabes
Wayzata, Minnesota

Kintla Lake Rock Skipping

Here's a video from last year's Kintla Lake trip. The sound you hear is the rock skipping across the ice.

I want to walk on water

Actually I CAN walk on water.

It's called ice fishing.

Good Times Were Had - in the junkyard now.

Fishing trips on the Blackfoot; being the shuttle car on the Lochsa river when we fit eight people in wetsuits and one malamute for a 20 mile trip of "S" curves; cruising through Glacier and stopping next to the "Weeping Wall" to get Megan wet; going through Yellowstone with the top down and driving through a herd of buffalo - I got a great picture of a buffalo's eye two feet from the car; trips to Chico and down the Stillwater and a thousand days of getting in that car after a round of golf and thinking, "Life is good."

And it still is.

Some frosted baby's breath from our morning walk

We were also menaced by a VERY large buck with a rack like a 1950's movie star.

But that's a different story.

Building a Hampster out of a Dead Squirrel

When I was young I thought I could to anything.

Fly, beat up people much bigger than me, create life, etc.

At the age of 4 I learned that I actually couldn't create life.

Don't Do This

Gallery Of Google Holiday Logos

30 Facts about Chuck Norris

I didn't know most of these.

Video from Montana's Bison Hunt

This does not reflect well on the hunt.

High bandwidth warning for the video.

Guess what you're getting for Christmas

You'll have to click on the "Products" link to find out. The image of the opening page just couldn't be passed up.

HAPPY ouch! BIRTHDAY ouch! TO ouch! ME ouch! ouch! ouch!

Gruber ordered the paddle destroyed so it is not sold for a profit. Prosecutors expressed concern that the paddle could be sold in an online auction. The wooden paddle was 18 inches long, drilled with holes and was inscribed with the stage name of the woman who wielded it, "Velvet."

"We suggest cake and ice cream parties for birthdays in the future," Prosecutor Larry Jegley said.

Here's an iPod accessory I won't be ordering

I think you were listening to techno music (180 beats per minute) you would probably just explode.

NSFW - Not Safe For Work

Daily Photography Critique

I need to watch these many, many times.

School Bus Attacked

"The bus had not made it far from the school when it was forced to stop by a pile of branches and debris in the road, apparently placed as a barrier, Alexander said. That's when a group of boys began pelting the bus with rocks or other projectiles, shattering a window and sending the girls into hysteria, Alexander said."

"My son can't go to the prom . . .

. . . because there ain't but two straight girls in his class and both of them are ugly."

This is a rather hilarious sermon about homosexuality. May not be work safe.

Morning Sunrise

House With Bride

At that price, I shudder to think who might have come with my (relatively cheap) house.

Your Linguistic Profile

An easy 20 question quiz. My speech is:

60% General American English
15% Upper Midwestern
10% Midwestern
10% Yankee
5% Dixie

PETA Kills Animals

I'm pretty sure that if you found your way to this blog, you're not much of a PETA fan. Here's some more fodder for you (pun intended).

We'll be seeing them again when the bison hunt starts. Which reminds me, "What's red and yellow and blue and looks good on a hippie?"

"Fire."

Sandhill Cranes in the Paradise Valley

How to get stoners to wash their hands

This could also be fun to have in a psych ward.

I Found My Christmas Tree

Good Grief!

Cruise Ship Attack

I have not seen this bit in other coverage.

"The liner used a sonic blaster to foil the pirates. Developed by American forces to deter small boats from attacking warships, the non-lethal weapon sends out high-powered air vibrations that blow assailants off their feet. The equipment, about the size of a satellite dish, is rigged to the side of the ship."

And I love this understatement:

"One of the rockets certainly hit the ship — it went through the side of the liner into a passenger’s suite. The couple were in there at the time so it was a bit of an unpleasant experience.”

Death by Caffeine

How much of your favorite caffeinated drink will it take to kill you?

376 Coca-Cola's for your's truly.

Ordering Pizza in 2010

It feels like we are already getting close to this.

Science for the good of all humans

"The purpose of this experiment was to determine the highest possible concentration of alcohol attainable in a Jell-O shot, while still maintaining the structural integrity (i.e., the gelling properties) of the gelatin. "

This is soooo not going to happen at Victoria's Secret in the mall

A Dutch designer has created a wall of fake breasts to help male shoppers buy bras that fit their wives or girlfriends.

Wendy Rameckers works at the Piet Zwart Institute for Retail and Design in Rotterdam, reports Het Nieuwsblad.

"Most men have a selective memory," she explained. "They know all about their car, but never seem to know their wife's bra size.

"When trying to buy a sexy bra for their wife or girlfriend, usually they point to other women in the shop or, when asked about size, they say a 'handful'."

The wall consists of rows of silicon breasts in all sizes. By look and touch, male shoppers can work out the right size, she says.

Made from beer

Another foreign advertisment. But this one has some great "choreograpy" about 2/3 of the way through.

Why proofreading is important.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Quaker Maid Meats Inc. on Tuesday said it would voluntarily recall 94,400 pounds of frozen ground beef panties that may be contaminated with E. coli.

Driving to work

Yesterday this buck followed Nica and I on our walk

It made me nervous, staying just 50 feet behind us.



No, it's eyes didn't really look like that.

I have decided on the picture for my Christmas cards this year

Ok, probably not. But it's tempting.

Golden Gate Bridge Suicides By Location

I find it interesting that few people ever walk to the very center of the bridge.

It also pays to ride a bicycle.

I want this keyboard

Since I work with kids, I need this. Because monochrome keyboards are boring.

Bird Flu Claims First U.S. Victim

This is an odd and frightening idea.

ORFORD, N.H. - The one-room cabin David Bischoff built in a cow pasture three years ago has no electricity, no running water, no phone service and no driveway. What it does have is a wide-open view of nearby hills and distant mountains — which makes it seven times more valuable than if it had no view, according to the latest townwide property assessment. He expects his property taxes to shoot up accordingly.

This is a nice ad

It breaks a rule by giving you no idea what the product is, but it's still nice to watch.

Nasa Video

Yes, this really is a NASA video:

"A ballerina gracefully dances on a small stage. She is followed not by a male partner, but by a robotic arm manipulator that seems to sense her every move. For NASA Goddard technologist Vladimir Lumelsky, the performance shows the future of robotics."

But before you watch it I want to say just one thing.

"Penis."

Powerful Advertising

Watch the first video. You may have to listen to it twice to figure out the accents.

This is an incredible advertisement for education for all kids.

If Fox News had been around throughout history

I am amazed at the number of hotels I stay in that have Fox News on their lobby TV.

You Knit What?

Take a stroll through the archives.

"It makes me want to hurl.
It makes me want to scoop my eyeballs out with a teaspoon and end my misery.
It makes me wonder who thought it was a good idea to make yarn that looks like cat vomit.
It makes me wonder who the hell would actually wear that."

50 years of hunting, 50 years of great stories

“I heard a sound, looked up in the rocks and here’s a huge bear standing up there. So I automatically put the bead on his throat and pulled the trigger, and down the bugger went. Three times I shot him with my Winchester .32 caliber special carbine, three times he went down and then stood up again. I missed him the fourth time when he took off through the timber, but hit him behind the ear with the fifth shot.

Cool Food Embossers

I want one that says, "Antidote - $20".

The Polio Comic

Click on the PDF to download.

This is a good example of how learning CAN be fun.

My New Ride

1999 Pontiac Sunfire GT

Purchased from Troy Gary Auto Sales

It's sweeeet!

I'm going to put up a Christmas decoration this year

And if I feel particularly evil I'll give it a red nose.

Which mask should I buy?

I hate being a corporate shill but, well, they are kind of creepy cool.

Mad magazine covers

Roll your mouse over the page to see the various covers enlarge.

A little bit of nostalgia.

Last Year's Halloween Pumpkin

I just couldn't get into Halloween last year.

Extremepumpkins.com

Last year a friend had to pick me up before sunrise. I lit up both pumpkins I had carved to light the way to my house.

Later that day when we were teaching a class she explained that the differences in our world view could be explained by the fact that she carved happy pumpkins and mine were very odd mutants. (which is true - I like pumpkins that make people go "Ew!")

This site gave me some ideas for this year.

What to do about urban deer

"Basic female deer anatomy (or lack thereof) makes the Deer IUD and Deer Diaphragm impractical, and Deer Spermicide foam holds little hope because it has to be used just before mating—every time, of course, which could run into a lot of foam. Besides, foam has only proved effective when bucks also wear condoms."

Something that I should have been told 7 miles, 1400 feet and 30 minutes earlier

Not that I failed to notice once I got there.

Do you like beer?

Yum, yum, yum! Look at that great big frothy glass in Toi's hand. Wouldn't you just LOVE IT if a beautiful girl in a freaky cleavage-poppin' Oktoberfest outfit handed you a nice icy cold beer RIGHT NOW? Mmm, beer! Would you still drink it if . . .

A very good movie

Turn your sound off unless you like annoying French music.

For ~K

A very interesting due process case

"A Florida court will hear arguments on Friday in a case where the accuracy of a breathalyser is being scrutinised because the manufacturer has refused to release the source code."

If the breathalyser machine is your "accuser", should you have the right to examine it's source code to ensure that it is accurate?

Or can the source code be withheld from you because it is a "trade secret"?

It's probably a good thing I don't have kids. Part II

Although I am not a Star War's fan, this is a great kid picture.

I laughed, but I don't know why.

If I had one of these, I might actually take a bath.



Be nice. You know what I mean.

On the way to Kalispell

It's a controlled burn.

A really, really bad brand name. Especially for a disability product.

"Have you been dreaming of that unique custom wheelchair that would not cost you an arm and a leg? "

Er, actually, that's why some people use a wheelchair. It Literally DID cost them an arm and a leg to get in that chair.

Has this artwork gone too far?

Called Snow White And The Madness Of Truth, the installation features a photo of Hanadi Jaradat, a 29-year-old trainee lawyer who blew up herself and 19 Israelis in a Haifa restaurant in October.

The work is accompanied by a piece of Bach music entitled My Heart Is Swimming In Blood.

I found out how to make money off my dog

. . . the company behind the innovative form of advertising is appealing for owners of larger dogs to register their pooches for future "dogverts".

Nica probably wouldn't be good advertising for obedience school. Maybe for running shoes or "Deer B Gone" spray.

David Copperfield to 'magic' girl pregnant

1. The last time this happened there was a star in the east and three wise men.
2. Yeah, that's how my sister told my mom it happened.
3. This guy is wacko.
4. Didn't Michael Jackson already do this? Twice?

God DOES have a sense of humor

The cover photo on the latest issue of Patrick Buchanan's American Conservative magazine, bearing the cover line "After the Storm," is not that much different from many of the pictures coming out of the hurricane-stricken areas of the South. It shows a family of four children slogging through knee-deep water with two adult women. However, the "woman" on the far right is none other than well-known New Orleans drag queen and bartender Jack "Lady Charles" Nicholson.

Kara Hopkins, the magazine's executive editor, had no explanation other than "it was a good photo."

Bad Dog!

A message board I'm on recently held a contest for the worst "Bad Dog" pun.

You have been warned.

My two rottweillers, Abing and Aboom, started a protection racket in the neighbourhood, forcing other dogs to surrender a portion of their food and chewable toys in exchange for being left well alone. They carry out their operations with, I hate to admit, a certain degree of panache and swagger, vaguely reminiscent of a particular flavour of organised crime.
Bad Abing! Bad Aboom!

My dog Jur yanked free of his leash and started trying to dig up a burrowing woodland creature.
Bad Jur!

My dog, Minton, recently chewed up my favourite shuttlecock.
Bad Minton!

I bought a dog, and he was a hopeless misbehaver. He chewed up the furniture, he crapped on the carpet, and he bit the UPS lady. We got thrown out of obedience school after he started a brawl. I was ready to have him put to sleep, but my vet suggested I take him to the Oral Roberts Dog Obedience School. So I called 'em. They promised that, if I'd give them $500 and three weeks, they'd give me back a perfectly behaved dog. I was desperate, and I gave them the money and the dog.

Three weeks later, the ORDOS van pulled up in my driveway. The trainer got out, and he handed me a card with all the commands my dog would obey. He opened the side door, and my dog, perfectly groomed, stepped out with a little mortarboard on his furry noggin. I said, "down," and he laid down, watching me. I threw a tennis ball, and I said, "fetch." He dashed to the ball and brought it back, dropping it in my hand. The trainer left, and I was still not convinced. I told him, "Sit. Stay," and he did. I got in my truck, and I went to the drugstore to get some naproxen. When I got back, he had not moved an inch. I thought, "This is great! We'll go for a walk." I put a leash on him, and I said, "heel." His eyes widened. He rose up on his hind legs, he put a paw on my head, and he said, "Heeeeeeal!"

Trapped moose baffles would-be rescuers

"All I saw was it going over the side, and I wasn't sure what -- 'Holy cow! This sucker's going to go to the bottom,'?" Howlett said Friday. The moose had been running when it popped out of the brush and went over the edge, he said.
"We were kind of horrified. My wife got a short glimpse of it," Howlett said. They did not see it land on the bluff. They circled back, expecting to see the moose on the beach, but instead found it on the steep slope about halfway down.

Interesting Court Case

Detroit, Michigan (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Detroit Lions, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

This time of year, I can get up before sunrise.

Mutant Kitty

This would freak me out.

Want it!

This is a very cool fireplace and I want one in my bathroom.

Weather Bulletin from Montana and North Dakota

Up here in the Northern Plains we just recovered from a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" with a historic
blizzard of up to 24" inches of snow and winds to 50 MPH that broke trees in half, stranded hundreds of motorist in lethal snow banks, closed all roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to tens of thousands.

George Bush did not come....FEMA staged nothing....no one howled for the government...no one uttered an expletive on TV...nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards.....no one asked for a FEMA Trailer House....no news anchors moved in.

We just melted snow for water, sent out caravans to pluck people out of snow engulfed cars, fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Aladdin lamps and put on an extra layer of clothes.

Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this early...we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves.

Everybody is fine.

Iraq Car Bomb Video

This is scary.

Damn foreigners and their lack of humor

You know that at the time this probably seemed real funny. If you were holding the chain saw.

UM forestry students apologize to band

MISSOULA — Forestry students at the University of Montana have apologized to a visiting Japanese marching band after some residents complained they had threatened band members with chain saws during UM's homecoming parade.

The Forestry Student Association's float was behind the Senshu University Tamana Senior High School Drum and Brass Crops from Kumamoto, Japan, during the Oct. 1 parade.

As thousands watched, some members of the forestry group crowded the rear of the visiting band, brandishing and intimidating its members with chain saws, minus the chains. The group has used chain saws in its floats for years, razzing parade entries in front of them and residents who line the parade route.

Bet on Jesus

If someone brought these out at a poker game I would make very, very sure to tell them that bluffing is the same as lying in the eyes of Jesus.

And then, because I am not a Christian, I would lie, lie, lie and take all of their money.

Because that's what poker is all about.

Collectis - Automated Boar Collection System

(movie)

I don't know where to start:

1. It's pigs. They collect "stuff" from the male pigs. It's probably NSFW.
2. It's like the MTV version of an industrial film. Cool music, good editing, etc.
3. Did I mention what it's about?
4. We used to play a game on road trips - "Worst Jobs To Do With A Tequila Hangover". This job would make the top 10.
5. Ewwww.

Dan caught a fat 19 inch rainbow on the Missouri

We spent our Columbus Day holiday floating the Missouri, catching fish and eating ham sandwiches on a fallen log while staring at the Tobacco Root mountains in the distance and listening to cranes and geese.

Hope you had a good holiday too.