Thursday, June 29, 2006

Hooters boat involved in chase, arrests

Hooters, a .45, a stolen fishing boat and a probationer with an ankle bracelet.

Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex

Assume a mating between Superman and a human woman designated LL for convenience.

Either Superman has gone completely schizo and believes himself to be Clark Kent; or he knows what he's doing, but no longer gives a damn. Thirty-one years is a long time. For Superman it has been even longer. He has X-ray vision; he knows just what he's missing. (*One should not think of Superman as a Peeping Tom. A biological ability must be used. As a child Superman may never have known that things had surfaces, until he learned to suppress his X-ray vision. If millions of people tend shamelessly to wear clothing with no lead in the weave, that is hardly Superman's fault.*)

The problem is this. Electroencephalograms taken of men and women during sexual intercourse show that orgasm resembles "a kind of pleasurable epileptic attack." One loses control over one's muscles.

Superman has been known to leave his fingerprints in steel and in hardened concrete, accidentally. What would he do to the woman in his arms during what amounts to an epileptic fit?

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Deadman's Basin/Big Snowy Mountains

Truth in advertising?

A Joke

Two guys are chatting in a bar. One says, "Did you know that lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"

The other guy looks amazed, then dejected and says, "Damn. And I just joined the Kiwanis."

The size of our world

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Monday, June 26, 2006

Stevie Wonder Singing, "Superstition" on Sesame Street

Does it get much cooler than that?

Heart Lake






On Saturday morning we hiked to Heart Lake in the Bitteroot Range on the Montana/Idaho border.

A kiss on a snow field




I am too much of a computer geek. I missed the start of this wonderful kiss because I was trying to determine whether the camera worked.

Bumper Sticker of the Week

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Mountain Biking on the Continental Divide


Montana city and town population estimates 2005

Eastern Montana continues to die.

Really bad tech support

"A Comcast technician came to replace a faulty modem. After spending an hour on hold with Comcast's central office, he fell asleep on my couch. I've been in my apartment for three weeks and my internet connection is still non-functional. This is my tribute to Comcast, their low quality technology and their poor customer service."

Monday, June 19, 2006

Man Laws

It's good to konw how these things are decided.

Brain transplant

So this guy's got a terminal brain tumour and his doctor tells him that the only hope is a brain transplant. "In fact, you're in luck," the doctor tells him: "We've got two brains available, a man's and a woman's. Now, since you're a man, you'll probably want the man's brain, but I have to warn you that it's $200,000."

The man winces and says, "How much for the woman's brain?"

"$200."

"Why so much less?"

"Because it's been used.

Qoute of the week

“At first, they both denied knowing anything about the damage, but they couldn’t get around the fact that their room was filled with sex toys,” said Bret Griffin, an assistant district attorney."

Ever wonder what happens when you dump a bucket of liquid nitrogen into a swimming pool?

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Tech News

A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.

This is a major breakthrough.

Women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Another great weekend

I spent Saturday night sleeping in a teepee after we barbecued.

The teepee must have been from the "Batman" tribe

And then Sunday we sailed on Flathead lake. It was a great afternoon with friends and some sailing instruction.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

What went wrong on Montana's Alberton Gorge

(Overheard)

"She looks like the popular girl at school. And not the good kind of popular."

Free Father's Day Cards

Friday afternoon surf and turf




When the fish aren't biting, ride the mountain bike. Fish, repeat.

$15 worth of morels



Probably about $60 worth at big city prices.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

This iPod accessory stuff is going insane

Things to do

5. Invest in lamb and mutton futures. Start a breeding program to create a Timber wolf/Border collie hybrid; let it loose in Yellowstone. Collect newspaper clipping about entire flocks of sheep being skillfully herded into the woods by "MacLobo."

CBS Stations: Indecency Complaints Invalid

Virtually none of those who complained to the Federal Communications Commission about the teen drama Without A Trace actually saw the episode in question, CBS affiliates said as they asked the agency to rescind its proposed record indecency fine of $3.3 million.

“There were no true complainants from actual viewers,” the stations said. To be valid, complaints must come from an actual viewer in the service area of the station at issue, the filing said.

“The e-mails were submitted … because advocacy groups hoping to influence television content generally exhorted them to contact the commission,” the CBS stations said.

Some good bumperstickers + a sign

I wasn't able to get pictures but I saw these two bumperstickers in Bozeman:

"Cheney/Satan in '08"

"Did you move here just to be in a hurry?"

On the wall of the Bunkhouse bar was this posted note:

"Lost at the Toston Dump
One set of ATV ramps
If found, call 555-1212 so my dad doesn't kill me."

Monday, June 12, 2006

This year's best graduation speech

From the creator of "Family Guy". Speaking at Harvard.

Scroll down on the right for parts 2-4.

I want to do this. NOT!

Loic Jean Albert BASE jumps from a helicopter down the side of a mountain.

Canada just does things better



It's not a house - it's an electrical substation.

Beavis and Butthead are laughing right now.


City design with a vast difference

An anonymous source at City Hall tipped Iowa Ear off to this aerial photo on the Polk County assessor's Web page. It's of the city of Des Moines' detention basin at 2617 Easton Blvd.

The nearly four-acre basin was constructed about two years ago and "took some of the load off of the pipe downstream" and helps prevent flooding, according to Des Moines City Engineer Jeb Brewer.

Brewer swears that consultants who work for the city did not design the $5.7 million detention basin to resemble anything, but recent e-mails to City Hall from area residents seem to have found "art" in the not-so-subtle phallic design.

How to mess with street signs

1. Take a picture of the sign
2. Take a picture of the background
3. Paste the picture over the sign

Trout Creek Hike




Friday, June 09, 2006

Health Statistics > Oral health > Loss of natural teeth by state

Seemingly centered in states where they talk real funny.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

New cool shoes


A built-in bottle opener lets you crack a bottle on the beach while everyone else's beer warms up. Just be careful not to spray the only two girls at your house party with the beer you're trying to open, trust me.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

You've never had beef jerky like this!


Introducing Oh Boy! Oberto Beef Jerky Crisps, a revolutionary crispy, crunchy oven roasted snack that’s made with real lean beef and seasoned to perfection. They come in three great flavors – Original, Smokey BBQ, Sweet Mesquite.

Real Lean Beef

Oven roasted

Great for Dipping


YUCK!

How long will you live?



I've got about 70 years, which is what I'm planning on. Of course that number may be a little short since:

a. I do own a gun.
b. I'm not going to use it to shoot myself.

What are Montana's top industries?

A few surprises.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

I worked as an Election Official today

I started my work day as an Election Judge by taking the oath of office. We raised our right hand and swore to "uphold the Constitution of the United States and the State of Montana" and to faithfully discharge our duties. It sounds kind of schmaltzy but when I stand there and say those words it makes me realize how lucky I am to live in a democratic country where we actually get a say in choosing our representatives.

I became an Election Official (EO) a couple of years ago when I realized that ALL of the people who were EO's were beyond the age of, let's be polite, 70. Not enough "young people" do this.

I go to a two-hour training every two years. The job itself is easy - there are three positions:

1. "Hi, can I see your identification and have you sign in."
2. "Hi, here is your ballot. This is how you fill it out."
3. "Let me take your ballot and here is a sticker for voting."

I urge you to look at being an Election Official in your own town. For a couple of hours of vacation time from your job you can make democracy work.

And quite frankly, I always get a tear in my eye when I go to vote and remember how many people have died so that we can vote democratically.

Monday, June 05, 2006

My dog wants steak


SK Telecom has ignored the ideas of giving cellphones the ability to better understand humans and jumped directly to animals. They have introduced the premium pet translating service. The owner will input the age, sex and type of pet into the mobile phone. Then a call is placed to the pet translating service center which goes directly to a voicemail. Get the pet to bark, meow, squak or moo for 10 seconds and then the pet translating service will provide information about the current physical state of the pet.

The fun doesn’t stop there. The service center has the uncanny ability to backwards translate. Ever want to call your dog a whore? The service center can translate your obscenities into the language (??) of 55 different dog breeds.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

The "world Cup" of soccer is coming up.

Here's a more "American" view of soccer's World Cup.

Who gives a damn about a sport where no one falls on a loose ball, no one wears pads and it's considered a rout if one team beats another by two points.

Click here for pictures of my May wanders


There are also pictures of a hike to the nose of the Sleeping Giant.

Nica runs from the vines trying to take over the porch

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Today I climbed to the top of the nose of the Sleeping Giant


What the Sleeping Giant looks like from my house.


Overlooking the Missouri River

Friday, June 02, 2006

I like these bear attack qoutes

‘‘I really think the bear actually showed quite a bit of kindness in the way she mauled me,’’ Mungoven said.

‘‘It’s not the first time I’ve walked in the door and said, ’Honey, we need to go to the emergency room,’’’ he said.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Yes, that is the product name

Want It!



Maybe not the Kaite Couric model but having a TV in my bathroom mirror would definitely be cool.