Thursday, May 31, 2007

Watch Your Kids

Last week, eight Tibetan monks were halfway complete with an incredibly intricate sand mandala they were creating in Kansas City's Union Station when a young boy went under the protective rope and messed up the entire design. The monks were gone when it happened but the episode was caught on a security camera

Today In History

Do you know what happened this week back in 1850?

California became a state.

The State had no electricity.

The State had no money.

Almost everyone spoke Spanish.

There were gunfights in the streets.

Basically, it was just like California today, except the women had real tits and the men didn't hold hands.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The Big Album Cover-up


Here's a quiz to challenge even the most devout music fan. Following are 15 of the biggest-selling albums in music history. In fact, all of these have sold at least 10 million copies in the United States alone.

The trick? We've left some of the covers as they originally were, but altered others by reversing the photos or images on them. Your goal is to identify which ones are "kosher" and which are "bogus."

Good luck!

(I got a 67% - what do I know about a Jewel album cover?)

Monday, May 28, 2007

Imagine if Montana only had 21 places to buy booze outside of a bar.

It would be Utah. Read the article to understand why Utah sucks.

An irrational fear you've never thought about.

1 camera, 1 sushi bar conveyer, 1 entrancing video

No Wonder I Couldn't Understand Pearl Jam Lyrics

100 reasons to love John Wayne on his 100th Birthday

69. "Fill your hand, you son of a bitch!" (True Grit).

70. Because he never had a sense of entitlement toward his career.

71. Because until middle age, he would do most of his stunts himself.

74. Because he loved dogs, and not the ones you'd think. He had springer spaniels and dachshunds.

75. Because he could suggest a terrible sorrow beneath a heroic exterior.

76. Because the dog in Hondo was actually played by Lassie, and when he won the dog in a card game from trainer Rudd Weatherwax, he gave him back.

80. "I stopped getting the girl about 10 years ago. Which is just as well, because I'd forgotten what I wanted her for."

82. "I never had a (expletive) artistic problem in my life, never, and I've worked with the best of them."

84. Because his favorite drink was tequila.

86. For the graceful way he confronted the disease that was already taking his life in The Shootist.

87. Because when he was dying of cancer, in excruciating pain, he never complained.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Want It!


Radio-controlled Water Cannons

Engage in soaking skirmishes with this Radio-controlled Water Cannon. Adults and kids alike will delight in these high-quality pool toys.
Full-function radio controller lets you direct these power soakers to target poolside opponents
Water cannon's nozzle can move up and down
Stream of water bursts as high as 10'
Moves forward, backward, or spins for a sneak attack

HOW TO STAY AWAKE IN TEACHER IN-SERVICES:

HOW TO STAY AWAKE IN TEACHER IN-SERVICES:

Do you keep falling asleep in teacher meetings and in-services?

Here's a way to change all of that.

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, in-service, or staff development, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5" x 5" is a good size.

Divide the card into columns-five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:

* No Child Left Behind (NCLB)
* test scores
* core competencies
* communication
* proficiency
* standards
* multiple exposures
* benchmarks
* proactive
* win-win
* think outside the box
* action plan
* result-driven
* assessments
* knowledge base
* at the end of the day
* touch base
* mindset
* differentiated
* retention
* skills
* background knowledge
* effective learning
* exemplars
* implementation
* reflection
* grade level expectations (GLE's)
* alpha plus
* benchmark testing
* CRT's
* intervention
* Adaquate Yearly Progress (AYP)

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"

TESTIMONIALS from satisfied "Bullshit Bingo" players:

-- "I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." - Adam W., Atlanta

-- "My attention span at in-services has improved dramatically." - David T., Orlando

-- "What a gas! Staff Development will never be the same for me after my first win." - Dan J., New York City

-- "The atmosphere was tense in the last in-service as 14 of us waited for the fifth box." - Ben G, Denver

-- "The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULLSHIT!' for the third time in two hours. The Bullshit Bingo Championship will be played at the next in-service." -Rod H., Nashville

Better Science

UCLA STUDY - A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his
chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

I had a dream . . .

I sat with an older woman at a club last night. She was in great shape for 55; we drank a bit, had a bit of a conversation and she asked if I'd ever had the Sportsman's Double:- a mother and daughter threesome?

I said no. We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night. I went back to her house.

She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs...

"Hey mom, are you awake?'

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Bumper sticker of the week

Bike for Sale

You go first.


Nosefrida is a doctor recommended nasal aspirator that removes mucous from your child’s nose. It was invented in Sweden by Ear, Nose and Throat Specialists, and has been used by Swedish Moms and Dads for years.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Happier today than she was at 80 degrees last week.



What's my dog - solving the mystery of Nica

The Wisdom Panel™ MX Mixed Breed Analysis is the most comprehensive DNA-based mixed breed test for dogs. It identifies more than 130 AKC-recognized breeds that may be present in mixed breed dogs and will allow veterinarians to answer one of the most frequently asked questions by pet owners, "What is my dog's breed mix?"

How much malamute does she have? Any wolf?

Thursday, May 17, 2007

How to beat the stock market.

Invest in companies with good customer service ratings.

Hint - Don't buy Wells Fargo or Qwest.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Latawnya, the naughty horse.

Want It!


Record, Play, Stream, Share your digital content between your PC/internet, entertainment center (TV, DVR, DVD, etc…) and portables (iPod, smartphones, PSP, etc…)
Digitally record TV programs, DVD’s, home movies etc directly onto portables, PC, or memory cards for playback on the go or for time-shifting TV.
Connect to your network to play, stream, share PC and Internet content on TV or home stereo. Most popular formats supported.
USB Host and card memory slots to record directly onto external USB Hard Drives, USB thumbdrives or standard flash memory cards (CF, SD, Memory Sticks)
Free downloadable upgrades developed with the help of worldwide open source community.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Why Bill Richardson is a better presidential candidate than Billary.

Unlike HIllary or Obama, he has a sense of humor and some actual credentials.

How to combat an ear worm - use at your own risk!


Are you plagued by Stuck Tune Syndrome? Do you have a song stuck in your head you just can't get out? Take heart friend, for your suffering is over.

The Maimograph Machine, through complex analysis and calculation, will find an even catchier tune to counter-act the one you already have.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Chico 2007

Underwater self-portraiture is easy . . .


when you open your eyes.



The pool at 6:30 a.m.

Chico Golf Team, from shortest to tallest.

I found a new job I want.


"There are only three things I'm afraid of in life. Heights, flying and . . "

Two jokes

What do you call a guy with a shovel in his head?

Doug.

What do you call a guy without a shovel in his head?

Douglas.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

WORLD WAR II ANTI-VD POSTER FEATURING DONALD DUCK.


This rare poster is the only one we know of and we believe of Australian issue. Text at top reads "And Me With Out A Pro.! Be Sly VD Is High." Great art depicts Donald Duck in an Australian soldier's uniform while behind him is an attractive woman in a tight slinky dress lying in wait behind a large plant. Donald has an exasperated look on his face as he is without a prophylactic.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Heard about pink meth? Maybe it's an old story.

WICHITA, Kan. — It may fall a shade shy of catching thieves red-handed, but for farmers fed up with methamphetamine (search) cooks filching their fertilizer, staining them pink will do just fine.

Assuming you can discourage thieves you cannot easily catch, a new product called GloTell — which is added to tanks of anhydrous ammonia — will not only besmirch the hands of those who touch the fertilizer, but leaves its mark on anyone who snorts or shoots the end product.

And in the two years it took to develop GloTell, researchers at Southern Illinois University-Carbondale found it did much more than just stain thieves pink.

The visible stain, even if washed off, was still detectable by ultraviolet light 24 to 72 hours later. As an added benefit, the additive helped farmers detect any tank leaks, said Truitt Clements, spokesman for Illinois-based GloTell Distributors LLC.

Best of all, the treated anhydrous ammonia rendered any meth it was used to make extremely difficult to dry and turned it an unbleachable pink, he said.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

It's so nice always being 13 years old and male.

I was just forced to register on a site to get content.

So my registration name is, "Mr. Penis Lengthexceedsimagination."

I so hope they call me.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs......... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their
names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night shewent out again and I decided to really check on her.

Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls". It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?

Saturday, May 05, 2007

My neighbor's cats better watch out.


Police are seeking the vandals who spray-painted the words "Go Home" on a Samoan Shepherd who enjoys wandering, unleashed, though its Idaho neighborhood.

Want It!


QWERTY waffles.

What Don Imus was really talking about. Honestly!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Happy Birthday


Monica Lewinsky turns 31 this week. Can you believe it?

It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees.

They grow up so fast . . .

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

How to use your HDTV


"I was watching an episode from the second season (1958-59) of "Leave It to Beaver" tonight when I got to the part where Ward reads a note from Beaver's principal, Mrs. Rayburn. If you freeze-frame the note it says:

Mr. Ward Cleaver
485 Mapleton Drive
Mayfield, State
My Dear Mr. Cleaver:

This paragraph has absolutely nothing to do with anything.
It is here merely to fill up space. Still, it is words,
rather than repeated letters, since the latter might not
give the proper appearance, namely, that of an actual note."

Follow the link for more information.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Yellowstone Car Burglar

Somebody's kid went to Washington D.C. . .

-
and I forgot to buy the kid a "Buck Fush" t-shirt.

4/29 Truth.com


Unlike the World Trade Center, the 580/980/880/80 overpass was reinforced against earthquakes and was not under the enormous compressive load that the towers were when they fell. The overpass was designed to support gridlocked traffic in an earthquake, but it collapsed without even a single car on it. The fire consumed only 8,600 gallons of fuel, whereas the WTC was allegedly brought down by 24,000 gallons of fuel. Does Governor Schwarzenegger really expect us to believe a story even more preposterous than the already-discredited official story about 9/11? To answer the question “Who is responsible for this terrible tragedy?” we must ask who stood to gain the most. George Soros? The California Department of Transportation? The Jews?

I made short film of what my winter was like

May be NSFW.