Friday, October 29, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
"Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.
Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
A: Rotisserie chicken.
Q: Which side of a cow has the most hair?
A: The outside!
Q: How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow blower?
A: Give mom a shovel.
A farmer is milking his cow. As he is milking, a fly comes along and flies into the cows ear. A little bit later, the farmer notices the fly in the milk. The farmer looks up and says, "Humph. In one ear, out the udder."
Two cows were standing in a pasture. A young bull came by struttin’ his stuff and said, “Good morning ladies.” One of the cows said, “Mooooo!” The second cow thought to herself, “Dang! I was going to say that.”
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Holes all over Australia.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Gay issues have been in the news a lot lately, from the debate over same-sex marriage in Congress to a sickening rash of gay-bashing here in New York City. We see a lot of emotion out there, instead of information, and we wanted to provide some data-based context on sexuality so that people might make better choices about what they say, think, and do.
We run a massive dating site and therefore have unparalleled insight into sex and relationships. Here's what we've found, in numbers andcharts.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
When Jonathan Blaustein bought 10 early-season organic blueberries for $1, he was a little upset by the price tag.
It wasn’t the visual contrast — one dime to one blueberry — that perturbed him. It was the fact that six weeks earlier, he had purchased 17 organic blueberries from Chile for the same price.
“The blueberries from Chile were almost half the cost of the blueberries from 800 miles away,” said Mr. Blaustein, a cook-turned-photographer who arranged the berries in two neat rows of five and photographed them, in all of their organic goodness.
He did the same thing with seven packages of shrimp-flavored ramen noodles, 48 tea biscuits from Spain, a little pile of rice.
It was a cheeseburger that initially encouraged Mr. Blaustein, 36, to pursue his project, “The Value of a Dollar.” When the economy was in the midst of its downward spiral, he visited a fast-food chain in New Mexico, where he lives.
“On one menu they had a cheeseburger for a dollar,” he said. What caught his eye, though, was another menu, which featured a double cheeseburger for the same price. That additional piece of meat, and the extra slice of cheese, somehow didn’t change the price.
So he set out to see what he could buy for one dollar in New Mexico. Then he turned the techniques used in advertising on their head, showcasing food in its most realistic form.
“I thought, ‘Well, I know what they tell me it looks like,’ ” he said. ‘What about what it actually looks like?’ ”
Saturday, October 09, 2010
1) It's going to get worse
No silver linings and no lemonade. The elevator only goes down. The bright note is that the elevator will, at some point, stop.
10) In the same way you can never go backward to a slower computer, you can never go backward to a lessened state of connectedness
30) Some existing medical conditions will be seen as sequencing malfunctions
The ability to create and remember sequences is an almost entirely human ability (some crows have been shown to sequence). Dogs, while highly intelligent, still cannot form sequences; it's the reason why well-trained dogs at shows are still led from station to station by handlers instead of completing the course themselves.
Dysfunctional mental states stem from malfunctions in the brain's sequencing capacity. One commonly known short-term sequencing dysfunction is dyslexia. People unable to sequence over a slightly longer term might be “not good with directions.” The ultimate sequencing dysfunction is the inability to look at one's life as a meaningful sequence or story.
35) Stupid people will be in charge, only to be replaced by ever-stupider people. You will live in a world without kings, only princes in whom our faith is shattered
Thursday, October 07, 2010
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right suspender of his weathered Oshkosh denim overalls, followed by the left.
He then hunches his shoulders forward and, in a classic striptease move, exposes his red & black plaid flannel shirt.
Grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his red union suit (underwear for our younger readers).
And, with a final flourish, he hurls his flat cap on to the straw pile.
“Vat on earth ar ya doin’ Ole?” asks Sven
“Yumpin Yimminy, Sven, ya scared da livin bejeevas out of me!” exclaimed an obviously embarrassed Ole; “but, me and the Missus… vell, ve ben havin’ some troubles lately in da bedroom department and da Therapist said I got to do something sexy to a tractor. "
-I ordered a burger at , and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
-CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
-If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them .
- Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
-McDonald's is selling the 1 /4 'ouncer'.
-Parents in and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their children's names.
-A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
- took his stockbroker hunting.
-Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
-The Mafia is laying off judges.
-BP Oil laid off 25 Congressmen.
-Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $ 1 .5 Trillion disappear!
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Life line and was connected to a call center in Pakistan .
A while back, when I was considerably younger, I picked up a date at her parents’ home.
I’d scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant.She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail. Lobster. Champagne.I asked her, “Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?”“No,” she replied. “but my mother’s not expecting a blow job tonight.”I said "Enjoy!"