Monday, August 27, 2012

Good Advice

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

Meanness don't just happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.

Don 't judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Don 't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Sunday, August 26, 2012 - Ice Cube Recipes

Read the Comments. 

17 Shades of Stupid: Cosmo's Worst BDSM Tips

An interesting iPad presentation. 

Click here to see the Red and Blue reading lists. 

The 100 Greatest Movie Threats of All Time - NSFW language 

Here's something to make you smile. 

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The Story of Puberty

A horse walks into a bar holding a set of jumper cables in his mouth.
Bartender sighs and says, "You can come in, but just don't start anything."

You Either Smoke or You Get Smoked

An oral history of White Men Can't Jump

A Joke

Little Bruce and Margaret are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Margaret's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Margaret are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,
Mr. Smith replies,
"Well Bruce, you are only 10.. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies,
"In Margaret's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable,
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Margaret."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Margaret makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."

Mr. Smith is impressed
Bruce has put so much thought into this.

"Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks this little shit is adorable.

Friday, August 10, 2012

We're Number Two!

Montanans like craft beer, and having neighbors few and far between. That’s not news. But this is: We now rank No. 2 in the country in breweries per capita, behind only Vermont, with one for every 30,919 Montanans.

Based on 2011 counts, Montana’s 32 breweries pushed the state from No. 3 to No. 2, surpassing Oregon, according to the national Brewers Association.

“I’m extremely pleased,” says Montana Brewers Association Director Tony Herbert. And, he says, “I think we’re on the way to catching Vermont...if we add another three or four breweries.”

That's looking likely. At least two more breweries have already opened in 2012—Uberbrew in Billings and Wildwood Brewing in Stevensville. Phillipsburg Brewing Company will open in a few weeks, and Desert Mountain Brewing Company in Columbia Falls and Bridger Brewing Company in Bozeman are slated to begin pouring this fall.

Bowser Brewing Company in Great Falls, Higherground Brewing Company in Hamilton, and Draught Works in Missoula all opened their doors late last year.

Gotta See This!


Thursday, August 09, 2012

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas, and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this fucking badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?.... do you understand?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your fucking BADGE!!"

Two Little Girls Explain The Worst Haircut Ever

My five year old cut off my three year old's hair. A few weeks later, I decided to interview them and get their explanations. Here's what they told me.

A Nice Story

Each of these things is not like the other.

The Secret CIty

Starting in 1942, the U.S. government began quietly acquiring more than 60,000 acres in Eastern Tennessee for the Manhattan Project -- the secret World War II program that developed the atomic bomb. The government needed land to build massive facilities to refine and develop nuclear materials for these new weapons, without attracting the attention of enemy spies. The result was a secret town named Oak Ridge that housed tens of thousands of workers and their families. The entire town and facility were fenced in, with armed guards posted at all entries. Workers were sworn to secrecy and only informed of the specific tasks they needed to perform. Most were unaware of the exact nature of their final product until the nuclear bombs were dropped on Japan in 1945. Photographer Ed Westcott (the only authorized photographer on the facility) took many photos of Oak Ridge during the war years and afterwards, capturing construction, scientific experiments, military maneuvers, and everyday life in a 1940s company town (where the company happens to be the U.S. government). 

I  was visiting my son last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century", he said, "I don't  waste money on newspapers.  Here, you can borrow my iPad".
I tell you, that damn fly never knew what hit it.

Friday, August 03, 2012

Thursday, August 02, 2012

How the Mexican Drug Cartels Make Their Money

Read here.

This video looks like how kids make nachos - a lot of hurry without much speed and the place ends up a mess

Here's the link.

The Knot

People keep laughing at George, each independently pointing out that he’s tied his shoes “the wrong way.” He knows no other way in which it could even be possible to tie a shoe. Finally, after Kramer points it out, George furiously yells, “If you’re so good at knots, why don’t you go join the Navy?!” The thought had not occurred to Kramer before, but he does just that. Jerry performs a set that was so poorly publicized, only one audience member shows up. He wants to go home, but the audience member demands he perform as though it were a full house. Elaine tries growing an herb garden before remembering that she doesn’t cook very much.Seinfelt - The Episodes That Never Happened (but could have.)

How to choose a bottle of wine


This should have been a sign that the restaurant was not going to be good.

Mountain Good Restaurant in Boulder. Canned mushrooms over melted Velveeta. Religious statements everywhere.

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Bar Density

I'm eating healthier now.

You round out your meal with a little piece of rabbit that you raised up and butchered out in the backyard. It’s dusted with all-natural pink Hawaiian high-mineral sea salt that you cashed-in your kid’s college fund to buy and topped with homemade lacto-fermented herb mayonnaise made with coconut oil and lemons from a tropical produce CSA share that helps disadvantaged youth earn money by gleaning urban citrus. The lemons were a bit over-ripe when they arrived to you, but since they were transported by mountain bike from LA to Seattle in order to keep them carbon neutral you can hardly complain.

The rabbit is ok. Maybe a bit bland. Right now you will eat meat, but only meat that you personally raise because you saw that PETA thing about industrial beef production and you can’t support that. Besides, those cows eat corn. Which is obscene because cows are supposed to eat grass. Ironically, everyone knows that a lawn is a complete waste in a neighborhood – that’s where urban gardens should go. In other words, the only good grass is grass that cows are eating.