Thursday, August 31, 2006

Riding the Moscow subway

The Baby Name Wizard

It tracks the popularity of baby names from 1890 to 2005.

"Doug" is no longer cool.

Unless you know me.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

The Most Incredible Knife

Here are all 85 tools included in Giant Knife, Version 1.0:
1. 2.5” 60% Serrated locking blade
2. Nail file, nail cleaner
3. Corkscrew
4. Adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter
5. Removable screwdriver bit adapter
6. 2.5” Blade for Official World Scout Knife
7. Spring-loaded, locking needle-nose pliers with wire cutter
8. Removable screwdriver bit holder
9. Phillips head screwdriver bit 0
10. Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
11. Phillips head screwdriver bit 2
12. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm
13. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6 mm x 4.0 mm
14. Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0 mm x 6.5 mm
15. Magnetized recessed bit holder
16. Double-cut wood saw with ruler (inch & cm)
17. Bike chain rivet setter, removable 5m allen wrench, screwdriver for slotted and Phillips head screws
18. Removable tool for adjusting bike spokes, 10m hexagonal key for nuts
19. Removable 4mm curved allen wrench with Phillips head screwdriver
20. Removable 10mm hexagonal key
21. Patented locking Phillips head screwdriver
22. Universal wrench
23. Laser pointer with 300 ft. range
24. 1.65” Clip point utility blade
25. Metal saw, metal file
26. 4 mm allen wrench
27. 2.5” blade
28. Fine metal file with precision screwdriver
29. Double-cut wood saw
30. Cupped cigar cutter with double-honed edges
31. 12/20-Gauge choke tube tool
32. Watch caseback opening tool
33. Snap shackle
34. Telescopic pointer
35. Compass, straight edge, ruler (in./cm)
36. Mineral crystal magnifier with precision screwdriver
37. 2.4” Springless scissors with serrated, self-sharpening design
38. Shortix key
39. Flashlight
40. Fish scaler, hook disgorger, line guide
41. Micro tool holder
42. Micro tool adapter
43. Micro scraper-straight
44. Reamer
45. Fine fork for watch spring bars
46. Pin punch 1.2 mm
47. Pin punch .8 mm
48. Round needle file
49. Removable tool holder with expandable receptacle
50. Removable tool holder
51. Multi-purpose screwdriver
52. Flat Phillips head screwdriver
53. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm
54. Spring loaded, locking flat nose nose-pliers with wire cutter
55. Phillips head screwdriver bit 0
56. Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
57. Phillips head screwdriver bit 2
58. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm
59. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6 mm x 4.0 mm
60. Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0 mm x 6.5 mm
61. Can opener
62. Phillips head screwdriver
63. 2.5” Clip point blade
64. Golf club face cleaner
65. 2.4” Round tip blade
66. Patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, can opener
67. Golf shoe spike wrench
68. Golf divot repair tool
69. Micro straight-curved
70. Special tool holder
71. Phillips head screwdriver 1.5mm
72. Screwdriver 1.2 mm
73. Screwdriver .8 mm
74. Mineral crystal magnifier, fork for watch spring bars, small ruler
75. Removable screwdriver bit holder
76. Magnetized recessed bit holder
77. Tire tread gauge
78. Reamer/awl
79. Patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, wire stripper
80. Special Key
81. Toothpick
82. Tweezers
83. Adapter
84. Key ring
85. Second key ring

Will someone please explain this to me?

It's at the Dearborn River Inn.

A Good Day on the Missouri

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Slo-mo Home Depot

A few years back we executed a mission that involved repeating time. Ever since then I've wanted to try something that stopped or slowed down time. How would people react if they found themselves surrounded by people moving forward at a different rate or time (or not moving at all)? I decided the Home Depot on 23rd Street in Manhattan was the perfect place to try this.

Stuff your dog doesn't need.

Virgina Department of Transportation to George Bush: "Suck it."

Urgent Fundraiser? Bush Wanted Carpool Lanes Closed

President Ends Up Taking Helicopter

WASHINGTON -- Talk about political gridlock.

Secret Service officials confirm to The Washington Post they tried to get the Virginia Department of Transportation to close down the carpool lanes on a highway leading out of Washington Wednesday so President George W. Bush could easily get to and from a fundraiser for Republican Sen. George Allen.

State experts who monitor traffic predicted a commuting nightmare, because they would have had to close down the lanes for much of the day for logistical reasons, so they denied the request.

Soccer player gets a criminal record for . . .

On this occasion, the actions included a combination of behaviour before a crowd in the charged atmosphere of an Old Firm match which provoked alarm and crowd trouble and as such constituted a breach of the peace.

"This quite properly resulted in the matter being reported to the procurator fiscal for consideration. Having looked at the full circumstances in this instance the public interest has been best served by the decision to resolve the matter with an alternative to prosecution."

You're not going to believe what he did.

Burning Man Bingo

More idiot Montana politicians

Referring to Butcher's comments about severely disabled students as "vegetables" during a public meeting in December 2004, Tureck said Butcher "holds some people to be of less value."

Butcher said Friday afternoon that Tureck "does not represent this area. He is a radical environmentalist and should be running for office in Missoula.

"There is nothing derogatory about 'vegetables.' It is a medical term." Butcher said.

Friday, August 25, 2006

A Joke

Teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

"That must've been scary", said the teacher.

"It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say 'Fuck,' the Rottweiler ate him!"

Walmart to sell "house" wine

(AP) 8/23/06 Wal-Mart announced today that they will soon be offering customers a new discount item: Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine. The world’s largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range. Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for inexpensive wines,” said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Georgetown University in Washington. She continued, "But the right name is extremely important." Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart brand. The top surveyed names in popularity are:

10. Chateau Traileur Parc

9. White Trashfindel

8. Big Red Gulp

7. World Championship Riesling

6. NASCARbernet

5. Chef Boyardeaux

4. Peanut Noir

3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!

2. Grape Expectations

And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine...

1. Nasti Spumante

According to Micken, "The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel)."

Saturday, August 19, 2006

What right-wingers see when they read the New York Times

A Joke

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.

"Thanks" the girl says.

The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's test1cles.

"Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Want It

You know it. With the lights out, it’s less dangerous. These lullaby renditions of Nirvana’s best-loved songs turn the volume way down, while turning up the dreaminess of their pop hooks. In many ways, this album echoes the simple pleasures and innocence of infancy and childhood. Childish tra-la-la’s tempered the distortion of Nirvana’s own songs. Chimes, glockenspiels and other gentle instruments temper Nirvana’s wild spirit for your little one. “Smells Like Teen Spirit?” Smells like nap time.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Authentic Indian Name Generator

Just in case you ever wondered.

Missouri river scenery

It's nice floating on a Monday, we only saw about five other boats.

Just a suggestion.

Duckboy greeting cards and other shwag

A Joke

A man from Wyoming tells of meeting an old Indian who was asked what his wife's name was.

"My wife's name is 'Three Horse'," he answered.

"That's an unusual name for your wife. What does 'Three Horse' actually signify?"

"It's an old Indian name for 'Nag, Nag, Nag'."

Bring Me the Head of Charlie Brown

I don't remember this Charile Brown cartoon from when I was a kid.

Monday, August 14, 2006

New TSA rules

The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) will be implementing a series of security measures – some visible and some not visible – to ensure the security of the traveling public and the Nation's transportation system. TSA is immediately implementing following changes to airport screening procedures:

NO SNAKES OF ANY KIND WILL BE PERMITTED ON A PLANE. SNAKES ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED IN CHECKED BAGGAGE. This includes all pythons, boas, rattlesnakes, vipers, mambas, adders, and other known species of snakes.

Exception: some limited amounts of snakes may be allowed if Samuel L. Jackson is traveling; licensed snake charmers are allowed to have snakes in their check in baggage only if the name on the snake charming license matches the one passenger’s ticket; people who's name is Snake will be allowed on board but only after full body cavity search.

The Best of Photojournalism 2006

Wonders of a Well-weathered Skeleton - July 2006

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I went to a soccer game last night.

Where the alligator came from

I don't want this guy as my neighbor unless I buy another six big dogs.

Best Milk Ever - click on the link to read the reviews

"Usually I don't pay much attention to what is in my refrigerator, but this Tuscan Whole Milk has got to be the greatest thing I've ever seen. I carry it around with me all the time now using its convenient handle. Just the other day, I saved a busload of nuns careening down a precipituous mountain by placing this object in their path. While on vacation in the Swiss Alps, Tuscan Whole Milk protected me and the tour group I was with from a terrible avalanche. And one afternoon, finding myself trapped in a nuclear submarine beneath the Antarctic ice, I was safely transported to the surface by Tuscan Whole Milk alone. I just can't imagine what would happen if I drank some. And weighing in at 128oz, it makes an excellent paperweight!"

A Joke

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover after the night of his office party. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirin next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. He notices a note on the table that reads...................... "Breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping -- Love you, Jill"

He stumbles to the kitchen, and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?" Jack's son answers, "Well, you came home after 3 a. m. drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door!" Jack says, "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean? I have a red rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me." His son replies, "Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "'Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!'"

Monday, August 07, 2006

2006 Things To Do - Visit all of Montana's Hot Springs Resorts

Elkhorn has cleaned up some but still puts the "rust" in "rustic."

Friday, August 04, 2006

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Dangers of Montana - forest fires, bad roads and . . . alligators?

Keynan McGuire, left, and Josh Bryant, both 11, were two of the children who found an alligator at the Shady Lane fishing pond Monday evening in Evergreen.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Apparently they've never floated the lower Blackfoot on a Saturday.

As officials attempt to crack down on rowdy behavior during traditional summertime tubing river trips through the city, a San Antonio topless club is planning a tubing excursion featuring strippers.

City Councilman Ken Valentine isn't so sure.
"I'm really disappointed that this is going to occur on Sunday when people should be in church," he said. "I hope they behave themselves and keep their clothes on, but I'm not sure they will because strippers are trained to take off their clothes.

No, they aren't.

Since this was on the front bumper of an old pickup maybe they wanted the cat to read something positive before they ran it over?

It depends on how drunk the bartender gets.

The Popularity Dialer for your cell phone

Have you ever been in a situation where you wished your cell phone would ring? Maybe you wanted to look extra important or popular on that hot date. Or maybe you just needed an excuse to escape from an unpleasant meeting.
With "The Popularity Dialer", you can plan ahead. Via a web interface, you can choose to have your phone called at a particular time (or several times). At the elected time, your phone will be dialed and you will hear a prerecorded message that's one half of a conversation. Thus, you will be prompted to have a fake conversation and will easily fool those around you.

Click on the options below to listen to the call you will receive when you use the dialer:

1)The original popularity call (male voice)
2)The popularity call II (female voice)
3)The affirmation call
4)The boss call