"Usually I don't pay much attention to what is in my refrigerator, but this Tuscan Whole Milk has got to be the greatest thing I've ever seen. I carry it around with me all the time now using its convenient handle. Just the other day, I saved a busload of nuns careening down a precipituous mountain by placing this object in their path. While on vacation in the Swiss Alps, Tuscan Whole Milk protected me and the tour group I was with from a terrible avalanche. And one afternoon, finding myself trapped in a nuclear submarine beneath the Antarctic ice, I was safely transported to the surface by Tuscan Whole Milk alone. I just can't imagine what would happen if I drank some. And weighing in at 128oz, it makes an excellent paperweight!"
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