Wednesday, November 30, 2011

ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS

NO, I DIDN’T FALL DOWN, MR. DOOM AND GLOOM. THE GROUND RUSHED UP AT AN ALARMING RATE OF SPEED AND LANDED UNDER MY BACK. YOU NEED TO STOP LOOKING AT EVERYTHING IN A NEGATIVE LIGHT AND START LOOKING AT IT LIKE I DO. THROUGH THE WONDERFUL AND KALEIDOSCOPIC LENS OF A PINT OR TWO OF WHISKEY. I SWEAR, IF I COULD FEEL MY HANDS I WOULD TICKLE YOU UNTIL YOU LEARNED HOW TO SMILE.

NO, I DIDN’T FALL DOWN, MR. DOOM AND GLOOM. THE GROUND RUSHED UP AT AN ALARMING RATE OF SPEED AND LANDED UNDER MY BACK.

YOU NEED TO STOP LOOKING AT EVERYTHING IN A NEGATIVE LIGHT AND START LOOKING AT IT LIKE I DO. THROUGH THE WONDERFUL AND KALEIDOSCOPIC LENS OF A PINT OR TWO OF WHISKEY.

I SWEAR, IF I COULD FEEL MY HANDS I WOULD TICKLE YOU UNTIL YOU LEARNED HOW TO SMILE.

A Prayer

Dear God,
My prayer for 2012 is for a fat bank account & a thin body.

Please don't mix these up like you did last year.

AMEN!



Bus Trip

To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.


Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.

I figured you needed a "heads up" on this.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Good Graffiti in Helena

One thing about the people who recycle in Helena . . .


They don't drink much Bud Light.

Next Year on Halloween I'm Putting These on My Neighbor's Porch

Is Your Dog Smarter Than a 2-Year-Old?

Canadian’s lucky iron fish saves lives in Cambodia

At the heart of this tale is a lucky little fish.

How it became the answer to a dire medical problem deep in the Cambodian jungle is something University of Guelph researcher Christopher Charles swears is no fish tale.

It began three years ago when this science whiz from Milton, who had just graduated from Guelph with a bachelor in biomedical science, took on a gritty little summer research gig in Cambodia. The task was to help local scientists try to persuade village women to place chunks of iron in their cooking pots to get more iron in their diet and lower the risk of anemia. Great in theory, but the women weren’t having it.

It was an enticing challenge in a country where iron deficiency is so rampant, 60 per cent of women face premature labour, hemorrhaging during childbirth and poor brain development among their babies.


Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Bartender, a Dirty Martini With a Tampon!

Soaking a tampon in vodka and then... re-inserting it somehow... is supposed to produce the "ultimate body shot" -- a fast, intense buzz (the alcohol is allegedly absorbed more quickly than by mouth), with no tell-tale alcohol breath for mom or the police to detect.

I first heard about this trend a couple of years ago from another mother: She said her teenage daughter had heard about it from one of her friends, who'd heard that another girl they kinda knew had done it, and OMG how gross was that?

I was repulsed but credulous. After all, you have to credit teenagers with this: They are Nobel-level geniuses when it comes to figuring out stupid things to do, especially stupid things involving booze.

The more I Google searched, however, the more I couldn't find a single article verifying that the "vodka-soaked tampon" actually worked. Grimly, I realized there was only one way to settle the mystery. I couldn't assign it to someone else (just imagine trying to pitch that to a writer!). In the interests of science and parents everywhere, I decided that I would have to test the rumour myself.

A Joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:
In her 20's, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions."

With wrinkles on his forehead, the son asked: "Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."


This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many
kinds of ’willies’ are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through
three phases.
In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.

After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration."

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Stay Classy Billings!

A good, if weird idea.

This week saw the 19th International Robot Exhibition (IREX) held at Tokyo Big Sight displaying the world’s most advanced, innovative and sometimes plain bizarre robots. Over 270 different companies and organizations joined this year’s theme of “Robot Technology, Making a Future with Robot”. Amongst the technologies on show were singing robots, climbing robots, industrial robots and even a robotic bear like pillow aimed at stoping snoring.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

A practical example of how the human mind works


In the picture above , we will analyze what it represents to some groups of people.

Read the the text below after the photo...

- For young men, it's a nice ass. Only the most observant will define this as an ass crossing the street. The really observant will see the thong.

- For older men, it is a respectable woman with a nice ass crossing the street.


- The perverts will imagine her as a naked woman.

- The wise men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer in the face of such beauty and gratitude that it was shared with humanity.

- For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way.

- The other half is wondering where she bought that blouse.

- The wise women imagine the misery that this will be at 50.

- Children, the curious, and monks will probably notice a dog driving the taxi..

Don't be alarmed, I didn't see the dog either.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

SNUGGLING UP WITH A BUNCH OF FERAL RACCOONS IS EASY AND FUN

Despite what the fashion industry says, manufacturing a suit of feral raccoons is not overly complicated. With a little dumpster diving, rotten food, duct tape, and careful planning, almost anyone can attract enough disease-ridden wild mammals to cover his or her person for hours at a time. It’s easy, fun, and presents only a slightly higher than average chance of contracting a terrible pathogenic infection!

Batman's Medical History

Patient: Wayne, Bruce

DOB: 2/16/1971

Occupation: Industrialist

Insurance: Self-pay

Emergency Contact: Dick Grayson, XXX-269-9637

Interval History: Patient was seen for his last annual physical approximately one year ago. Since that time he has had numerous visits for acute illnesses or injuries, generally accompanied either by his companion Mr. Grayson or Alfred, a senior member of his household staff. These recent maladies appear to be in keeping with the pattern that has emerged over the past several years, in which significant medical problems are associated with odd or incongruous explanations. Most recently, patient was seen for numerous areas of lower extremity cutaneous blistering, erythema and thickening, consistent with moderate to severe frostbite. Patient had reportedly gotten lost while camping in the mountains, but could not account for how he had sustained these injuries in mid-August.

Past Medical History: As stated, patient has a somewhat lengthy and complicated medical history, best summarized by system –

Follow the link to read more.


25 Ways To Wear A Scarf In 4.5 Minutes (cool editing)

11 Sounds Your Kids Have Probably Never Heard

Mystery 'city' caught on stunning time-lapse video from space revealed to be massive Midwest oil field Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencet

Want It!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

on a dime

balancing tower of change 3118 coins on a single dime. 600 quarters, 501 dimes, 313 nickels, 1699 pennies, 5 foreign coins, and 7 hours of building. all real time clips,

Friday, November 11, 2011

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Saturday, November 05, 2011

Stuff




This should piss of both Republicats and Democans.

TOTALLY PSYCHED FOR THE FULL-RIP NINE


Monster earthquakes are going off all around the Pacific Ocean’s Ring of Fire. Is the West Coast of North America next?* And can you surf a tsunami?** Join us on a footnoted foray into the terrifying world of megaquakes, tidal waves, and the fine art of being your own Jesus.

*YES

**NO

A Joke

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred- ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..'

She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen a
nd asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'.

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its righ
t there.' the mechanic fainted!!!

If you're not sure what a 710 is??? ...











Years Later, Lawsuit Seeks to Recreate a Wedding

Long after the last of the cake has grown stale and the tossed bouquet has wilted, the photos endure, stirring memories and providing vivid proof that the day of one’s dreams took place.

So it is not particularly surprising that one groom, disappointed with his wedding photos, decided to sue. The photographers had missed the last dance and the bouquet toss, the groom, Todd J. Remis of Manhattan, said.

But what is striking, said the studio that took the pictures, is that Mr. Remis’s wedding took place in 2003 and he waited six years to sue. And not only has Mr. Remis demanded to be repaid the $4,100 cost of the photography, he also wants $48,000 to recreate the entire wedding and fly the principals to New York so the celebration can be re-shot by another photographer.

Re-enacting the wedding may pose a particular challenge, the studio pointed out, because the couple divorced and the bride is believed to have moved back to her native Latvia.

Great Prius License Plate

Great Halloween Idea