Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Macbox Hacks

The newest Apple laptops have a built-in motion sensor.

Someone has written a hack so that when you move your computer around it sounds like a light saber from Star Wars.

(A friend of mine just bought a new MacBook and doesn't know about the application.)

I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer. I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer. I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer. I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer. I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer. I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer. I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer. I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer. I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer. I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer. I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer. I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer. I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer. I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer. I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer. I will not install the Star Wars saber application on her computer.

Memorial Day Tribute

At the end, the young woman is standing under the flag that was placed on her grandfather's casket after he was killed in 1942.

Monday, May 29, 2006

My neighbor's dog has learned how to read

Pumpcast News

Put a hidden camera and a newscast in a gas pump and have some fun.

It's nice to see that Dick Dietrich is still working.

It's good to have a union

“These smoking laws are going to drive women back onto the streets courtesy of the health minister,” the AAEI’s William Albon said. “People smoke when they drink, and people smoke when they fornicate.”

From the New Yorker review of The Da Vinci Code

"There has been much debate over Dan Brown’s novel ever since it was published, in 2003, but no question has been more contentious than this: if a person of sound mind begins reading the book at ten o’clock in the morning, at what time will he or she come to the realization that it is unmitigated junk?"

Yet I still read all of it.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Sunday, on Mt. Helena

On Saturday afternoon we sat on the front porch drinking Wild Turkey and watching the rain turn to snow. Sunday morning we hiked to the top of Mt. Helena to throw snowballs.

On Sunday afternoon it hailed.

Welcome to tropical Montana.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

America needs better advertising

Maybe this is why I never got married and spent six years in college.

Friday, May 26, 2006

How not to succeed.

6. Wait until you are motivated - Let's face it, it's much too difficult to go jogging or open a mutual fund account when you simply don't feel like it. So just wait. Waiting gives you the peace of mind that someday, you might do something. But not yet, the timing isn't right and you aren't motivated anyway.

iTunes will let you re-download your music - once

Thursday, May 25, 2006

A really, really stupid headline

My new ringtone

In Praise of Rental Cars

Rental cars these days also have buttons all over the steering wheel, which makes me very happy. This is because like all rational, mature adults, I want to be Speed Racer. All I need is a child and his chimp in the trunk and I'm ready to rock. It's not precisely totally 100 percent the same, though, because Speed's buttons transformed the car into a boat and launched a robot homing pigeon, while my buttons engage cruise control. In all honesty, I'm about 400 times more likely to use cruise control as I am to need a robot pigeon, but it would be nice to have both.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

It wasn't me!

Someone had a little fun with the stuffed animals at this gift store.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Then she woke up and things got exciting.

You'll have to buy me a beer to hear the rest of the story.

Hot for teacher?

A lecturer at the University of Southern California said she started a blog because her students wanted “more of me after our class time has ended,” she wrote. And they got it.

Diana Blaine, who lectures on feminist theory, recently linked her blog to an online photo album that has topless photos of her near a painting of a topless woman, and at Burning Man, an annual weeklong festival in Nevada where clothing is optional.

(First link in story is NSFW)

I am still traveling.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Gone for a while

I'm just busy having some kind of fun.

Lost Sock Memorial Day - May 9

I've never cared about my lost socks. In fact, I've always said, "Lost socks be darned."

Monday, May 08, 2006

The Irrational Anthem

"Each of these aspiring anthems has its partisans. I think any of them would be an improvement, but my vote goes to "This Land Is Your Land," which most schoolchildren sing with enthusiasm and understanding by the age of 6. A classic American folk song, it movingly evokes the country's physical grandeur while conveying national ideals of freedom and equality. True, Woody Guthrie was a bit of a Communist, but Francis Scott Key was a slave owner, for goodness' sake."

Is this . . .

1. a blocked trail or;

2. a fiendishly clever way to keep beavers from chewing down trees?

Show your work.

Waaaay too many dog costumes

Sunday, May 07, 2006

I taught the neighbor kids about religion today.

"Frisbeetarianism is a parody religion of obscure origins. The basic tenet is that when you die, your soul goes up on a roof and you can't get it down. A lesser known aspect is the holy event known as "The Ascension", which is where someone comes along with a ladder and collects all the souls. What happens then is open to debate, though one theory is that the souls are brought back down in a sort of ultimate reincarnation."

Line of the week

"They're like Tweedledee and Tweedledum-ass."

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Nica's Birthday

A fun time was had. At one point we had about 20 people and three dogs hanging out.

She did pretty good on the schwag. Not pictured are two bones that were buried in the yard when no one was looking.

They can steal your smartcard, lift your passport, jack your car, even clone the chip in your arm. And you won't feel a thing. 5 tales.

James Van Bokkelen is about to be robbed. A wealthy software entrepreneur, Van Bokkelen will be the latest victim of some punk with a laptop. But this won't be an email scam or bank account hack. A skinny 23-year-old named Jonathan Westhues plans to use a cheap, homemade USB device to swipe the office key out of Van Bokkelen's back pocket.
"I just need to bump into James and get my hand within a few inches of him," Westhues says. We're shivering in the early spring air outside the offices of Sandstorm, the Internet security company Van Bokkelen runs north of Boston. As Van Bokkelen approaches from the parking lot, Westhues brushes past him. A coil of copper wire flashes briefly in Westhues' palm, then disappears.

Report: Most Montana cattle losses in ’05 not due to predators

Of the 3,000 head killed by predators in Montana, 2,400 were calves. Coyotes were the greatest cause of calf losses by predators, responsible for killing 1,300, the report found.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Want to go morel picking this spring?

I'm used to buying them for $6 a pound from a guy I know and $10 a pound at Farmer's Market here in Helena.

Damn, I may have to take some time off from work to go picking (and bring my gun).

Some like it hot (and some don't).

Since I've never met a woman who likes it as hot as I do, this is something I should buy.

A cologne that I don't think I need.

The Montana Sedition Project

In World War I, 40 Montana men and one woman were sentenced to prison for sedition against the U.S. government.

Monday, May 01, 2006

A good article on whitewater rafting.

If you are on a multi-day wilderness trip”—seven days on the Middle Fork of the Salmon, for instance—“the victim may have to be left for a later search party…Suppose the rescue is unsuccessful and the victim has been recovered. What do you do with a dead person, especially a friend?…if you are in the wilderness and far from help, you may have to bury it, either temporarily or permanently. In either case the grave must be marked…”

This brings back fond memories of my trip on the Salmon with the same outfitter. I wasn't a guide but 2/4 guides were my rafting mentors. After day two I got to float the rest of the river in an inflatable kayak because one of the tourists was incredibly stupid about floating through rapids. I did two rescues (neither technical) and will never forget the sight of an 18 foot raft with twelve people flipping in a rapid and then having to paddle in and do a rescue before they got washed into the next, huge, rapid.

It was interesting knowing that we had body bags as part of our gear.

Not that that was shared with the regular customers.

The Baby Name Wizard

This sight visually displays the "popularity" information for the top 1000 baby names of each year. The blog also has some interesting insights (like why there are very few "Jamz" as a boy's name.)

A letter from my future

Dear Mrs. Doty,

Over the past six months, your husband, old Doug has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.
We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Doty have been compiled and are listed below.
Mr. Wally Underwood
President and CEO of Wal-Mart Complaint Department

Re: Mr. Doug Doty - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Doty has done while his spouse is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

The Saddest Thing I Own