Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Cheap toy roundup: 2012 edition

Pocahontas: Indian PrincessAs everyone who saw the Disney movie knows, the Native American princess Pocahontas was a real historical figure who fell in love with English soldier John Smith, sang him a bunch of pretty, consciousness-raising songs, saved his life when her father wanted to kill him, and took her career tips from a talking tree. Thanks to her bravery and dedication, all those mean white invaders then cheerfully returned to England forever. That history isn’t entirely reflected in this toy, which was apparently created with the understanding that Pocahontas was some kind of red-headed, ass-kicking action-movie heroine who saved John Smith by flashing her considerable cleavage at his would-be executors, then taking them out with such traditional Native American weapons as a rifle, various swords, and whatever that thing is with the heart-shaped tip. Bet this Pocahontas doesn’t hang around singing with a cute raccoon and hummingbird all day; she’s more likely to while away the hours by sharpening blades and trying to invent gunpowder.

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