Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Tiger made a poor choice. He should have used a driver.

How can Tiger Woods be the world's best golfer? He couldn't even avoid a water hazard that was right in front of him.

17 Things You Must Never Water Down

11. Whiskey. True story: While sitting at a bar we like, we heard the bartender take an order for Jack Daniel's Single Barrel and Coke. "Who the hell orders that with Coke?" we asked. "Julian Lennon," said the waitress. Naturally. Goes to show: When you corrupt whiskey, all you do is embarrass Dad.

12. Your praise. Two things enrich a compliment: earnestness and a heartfelt grin. One thing makes your compliment worthless: the word "but."

13. Pancake mix. Leave it goopy and you'll get flapjacks like sofa cushions.

14. Your other five senses: humor, style, direction, honor, and wonder.

Interactive map of food stamp usage - by county.

Driving to work

A second by second graphic of Black Friday eBay transactions

How to put a condom over your head

I like this.

This mysterious blood trail in Glendive led to . . . nothing.

While walking on the prairie behind DCC I came cross this drag trail. The trail was about this wide . . .

And for awhile had these three marks beside. But neither the footprints of an animal dragging itself or someone dragging and animal.

And then there was blood.

Which led to a final pool of blood.

But no animal. No guts like someone had poached a deer. No tracks (or blood trail) leading away.

I'm waiting for reports of UFOs or missing persons.

How much water can a whale swallow?

Follow the link to find out.

Beware of Skynet

: "As president, I believe that robotics can inspire young people to pursue science and engineering. And I also want to keep an eye on those robots in case they try anything." --Barack Obama, speaking to Washington D.C. schoolkids on Monday as part of his science education initiative.

Matrix scene in Lego

Driving to Glendive

I don't understand it, but I like it.

Reborn Coma Man’s Words May Be Bogus

“I believe that he is sentient. They’ve shown that with MRI scans,” said James Randi, a prominent skeptic who during the 1990s investigated the use of facilitated communication for autistic children. But in the video, “You see this woman who’s not only holding his hand, but what she’s doing is directing his fingers and looking directly at the keyboard. She’s pressing down on the keyboard, pressing messages for him. He has nothing to do with it.”

According to Randi, facilitated communication could only be considered credible if the facilitator didn’t look at the keyboard or screen while supporting Houben’s hand, and helped him type messages in response to questions she had not heard, thus ensuring that Houben’s responses are entirely his own.

The James Randi Educational Foundation has offered a million-dollar prize to a valid demonstration of facilitated communication, and Randi invited Houben to participate. “Our prize is still there,” he said.

Underwear Fail

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The Muppets. Performing Bohemian Rhapsody

The Kopp-Etchells Effect

When operating in sandy environments, sand hitting the moving rotor blades erodes their surface. This can damage the rotors; the erosion also presents serious and costly maintenance problems.

The abrasion strips on helicopter rotor blades are made of titanium, which is very hard, but less hard than sand; so when a helicopter is flown near to the ground in desert environments abrasion occurs, and at night there is a visible corona or halo around the rotor blades, caused by the sand hitting the titanium and causing it to spark and oxidize.

In August 2009, Michael Yon, an American journalist attached to the British Army in Afghanistan, referred to the rotor-blade halo as the "Kopp-Etchells Effect", after two soldiers who were killed in Afghanistan

Does anyone really need this?

Cake Wrecks - When Cakes Go Horribly Wrong

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When the Truck is start moving, you can adjust the Angle of the Truck path for Building up your Own patterns Dominos.

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I could find a reason to go here every day of the week. Gruene Texas.

I"ll be over to shovel your walk tomorrow.

A joke

One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota , a fire started inside the local

chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out

to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared

on the scene, the chemical company president rushed over to the fire chief.

'All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant.

They must be saved. I will give $100,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact!

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon, more fire departments had

to be called in as the situation became desperate.

In the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight.
It was the nearby Norwegian Rural Township

volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians well over the age of 65.

To everyone's amazement, that little run down fire engine roared right past

all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant and,

without even slowing down, drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old-timers jumped off right

in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort

never seen before. Within a short time, the Norse old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief,

'What are you going to do with all that money?'

Vell,' said Ole Oleson, the 80-year-old fire chief,

'Da first ting ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!

A Joke

My five-year old students are learning to read.

Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,

"Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!"

I took a deep breath, then asked...."What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!"

And so it does...

" A f r i c a n Elephant "

Biblical anti-Obama slogan: Use of Psalm 109:8 funny or sinister?

There’s a new slogan making its way onto car bumpers and across the Internet. It reads simply: “Pray for Obama: Psalm 109:8”

A nice sentiment?

Maybe not.

The psalm reads, “Let his days be few; and let another take his office.”

But the verse immediately following the psalm referenced is a bit more ominous: “Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow.”

The 18 Biggest Lies In Sarah Palin's New Book

Visualizing the Decline of Empires

A short movie graphic which shows the splitting up of the British, French and other empires in the 19th and 20th century. I had no idea of the relationship of some companies.

Some interesting (and not necessarily relevant) statistics on marijuana use

Comparing marijuana possession arrests and arrests for deadly weapons possession seems non-sensical. Why not arrests for open container?

Surviving the World

Various images people have sent me

Old Reports Suggesting One-Third to One-Half of All Men Are Apprehended Had Flaws, but New Studies Confirm a High Rate

Went to Texas for the weekend.

Shiner Bock is a much better beer.

Best line from a bad band tonight

"We're poor boys so we'll play any song you want for a round of shots. And if we don't know it, we'll play something kind of like it."

A Joke

Prior to her trip to Montana, Buffy (a Southern Blonde Californian) confided to her co-workers she had three goals for her trip:
1 She wanted to taste some real Montana beef Bar-B-Que.
2. She wanted to go to a bona fide farm.
3. She wanted to have sex with an Montana cowboy.

Upon her return, the girls were curious as to how she fared.

"Let me tell you, they have a tree out there called a Hickory and when they slow cook that brisket of beef or venison over that Hickory, it's ooooh so good. The taste is unbelievable! I went to a real farm. Talk about athletes... Guys wrestle full grown bulls! They ride around on John Deere tractors, and then they go out at night and drink, dance and hunt! It is just incredible!

Then they asked "Well tell us, did you have sex with a real farmer?"

"Are you kidding? When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!"

If she takes that off, it's my putz I'm thinking about.

The wearing of the green: A model shows off Japanese lingerie maker Triumph International's new "make the putt bra," the only brassiere in the world that unfolds into a putting mat. Sensors in the cups electronically congratulate you with a "nice in!" when you drain a putt.

I love doing this at restaurants

Some people don't really need the internet

(from a site about buying cheap gear)

I had this pork-chop-shaped stain on the side of one of my favorite shirts and couldn't figure out where it came from. It was a little darker than the rest of the shirt, and I noticed it right before leaving home. I sat down to think about the last time I'd worn the shirt to try to back into how the splotch ended up there. I'd gone to a friends' house to eat dinner, but there hadn't been any dinner so I was starving when I left. I got back to my neighborhood and stopped for a monster slice of pizza, but I had them put it in a box since I couldn't eat it during the walk. I couldn't eat it on the way because the pizza place had also sold me a 32oz beer in a foam cup and I couldn't hold both the slice and the beer. So I tucked the pizza box under my arm like a football and walked home. So I'm pretty sure the stain was pizza grease that leaked through the box. In the course of thinking about it, I also figured out that the pizza night wasn't the last time I'd worn the shirt. No one said anything to me the last time I wore it, hopefully I left my jacket on the whole time.

Headline of the Week

Engineered Rabbit Penises Raise Human Hopes


Using tissue grown in a laboratory, researchers have engineered fully functional replacement penises. The organs were made for rabbits, but the technique may someday be useful for people. “This technology has considerable potential for patients requiring penile construction,” wrote researchers in a study published Monday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Oddly, the procedure seemed to make the rabbits randier than usual.

“Most control rabbits did not attempt copulation after introduction to their female partners,” wrote the researchers. “All rabbits with bioengineered neocorpora attempted copulation within one minute of introduction.”

A Joke

"So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were brown like the other toads. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing.

Anyway... this yellow toad bumps into a * fairy godmother. He begs her: "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other toads. I am tired of being so visible to predators and such."

The fairy godmother whips out her magic wand and says "Abracapokus! You're brown!"

The toad looks down and sees that he is brown except for his package, which is still yellow. He says to the fairy godmother: "Wait a minute! My pecker's still yellow!"

To this the fairy godmother replies: "I don't do johnsons. You will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that." The toad thanks her and hops off on his way.

There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he encounters the very same fairy godmother. He implores her: "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other bears. None of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account of the hunters can spot me from a mile off."

She, being a nice fairy godmother, takes out her magic wand and says: "Pokuscadabra! You're brown!"

The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the exception of the ole twig and berries,they remain purple. He says: "My wang is still purple!"

She says: "I don't do units, you will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that."

So this the bear replies: "Well that's just dandy, but how the hell do I find The Wizard of Oz?"

The fairy godmother answers: "That's easy... just follow the Yellow Dick Toad!"

My new favorite band name

Hmmmm

Best high school mascots

Why men go to weddings

If men decorated wedding cakes

Homeland Security

True Words

Light travels faster than sound.

This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

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