Wednesday, October 29, 2008
' MISSOULA BARBIE'
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Missoula Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
' BILLINGS BARBIE'
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. She has no idea what Ken does for work. Cell phone and golden retriever dog sold separately.
' HAMILTON BARBIE'
She's perfect in every way, mainly due to the high levels of antidepressants in her system. We don't know where Ken is because he's always at church meetings. Available with 2.5 kids.
' BOZEMAN BARBIE'
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as newly built spec house in new sub division.
' WOLF POINT BARBIE '
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and 2 infant dolls. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant. Warning: it is possible that Wolf Point Barbie will soon come with an additional infant.
Posted by Doug at 10/29/2008