Monday, January 19, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
A Good Read
Meet Chet, the wise and lovable canine narrator of Dog on It, who works alongside Bernie, a down-on-his-luck private investigator. Chet might have flunked out of police school ("I'd been the best leaper in K-9 class, which had led to all the trouble in a way I couldn't remember exactly, although blood was involved"), but he's a detective through and through.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Imagine yourself
Imagine yourself beside a clear mountain stream. The air is crisp and cool, birds are chirping. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air. You take a deep breath and look down into the stream. What’s that? It’s the face of the person whose head you’re holding under the water. Look! It’s the person who is causing the most stress in your life, right now! What a pleasant surprise. You let them up, just for a quick breath, then plop! back under they go. You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want. There now, isn’t that relaxing?
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Two months and six days till we're hanging out on the ocean
The nice thing is, two weeks after that we're on the Pacific ocean.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Vandals get paid off.
Two Strontium containing Radioisotope Thermoelectric Generators, or RTGs, used to power navigation beacons and lighthouses were found literally ripped to pieces by unknown vandals during regular checks by the Russian Navy's Northern Fleet in the area of the Kola Peninsula last week. The damage was so severe that Murmansk Regional officials designated the incident as a "radioactive accident."
It is assumed by local authorities that the vandals were scavenging for valuable metals, including stainless steel, lead and aluminium, all of which could easily be dumped on the scrap metal market in Murmansk. But the vandals also took with them the depleted uranium casing, which is used to protect the RTG's strontium-90 cores.
The strontium-90 cores—which have a half life of 26.5 years— were left at the sites of the navigation devices. They are highly radioactive—emitting some 1000 roentgens per hour—and local police officials and officials from the Murmansk Regional Federal Security Service, or FSB, said in interviews with Bellona Web that the suspects could well be dead or seriously ill.
It is assumed by local authorities that the vandals were scavenging for valuable metals, including stainless steel, lead and aluminium, all of which could easily be dumped on the scrap metal market in Murmansk. But the vandals also took with them the depleted uranium casing, which is used to protect the RTG's strontium-90 cores.
The strontium-90 cores—which have a half life of 26.5 years— were left at the sites of the navigation devices. They are highly radioactive—emitting some 1000 roentgens per hour—and local police officials and officials from the Murmansk Regional Federal Security Service, or FSB, said in interviews with Bellona Web that the suspects could well be dead or seriously ill.
2009 Things to Do
Re-watch every episode of, "The Show With Ze Frank."
Because it makes me laugh. And he thinks so I don't have to.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
A Joke
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'
Modern Warfare
Israeli intelligence officers are telephoning Gazans and, in good Arabic, pretending to be sympathetic Egyptians, Saudis, Jordanians or Libyans, Gazans say and Israel has confirmed. After expressing horror at the Israeli war and asking about the family, the callers ask about local conditions, whether the family supports Hamas and if there are fighters in the building or the neighborhood.
Karim Abu Shaban, 21, of Gaza City said he and his neighbors all had gotten such calls. His first caller had an Egyptian accent. “Oh, God help you, God be with you,” the caller began.
“It started very supportive,” Mr. Shaban said, then the questions started. The next call came in five minutes later. That caller had an Algerian accent and asked if he had reached Gaza. Mr. Shaban said he answered, “No, Tel Aviv,” and hung up.
Karim Abu Shaban, 21, of Gaza City said he and his neighbors all had gotten such calls. His first caller had an Egyptian accent. “Oh, God help you, God be with you,” the caller began.
“It started very supportive,” Mr. Shaban said, then the questions started. The next call came in five minutes later. That caller had an Algerian accent and asked if he had reached Gaza. Mr. Shaban said he answered, “No, Tel Aviv,” and hung up.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Send good thoughts and prayers to this person, please.
I barely know Lori - I met her when I volunteered to do some things at Halloween. She made me feel welcome from the moment I met her. Some people will make the world better by spending a lot of time on this planet and Lori is one of them.
PETA seeks to rename high school Sea Kitten
By MICHAEL JAMISON of the Missoulian
Meow.
Actually, make that, me-OW!
The next time you hook into a lunker, and the rod tip bends as line spools out, the folks at PETA want you to look that fishy face square in the eye and think of it not as dinner, but rather as a “sea kitten.”
In fact, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals want Whitefish High School to rename itself Sea Kitten High School, encouraging everyone to refer to fish and other marine animals as sea kittens.
“We're hoping that by calling fish ‘sea kittens,' compassionate people who would never hurt a dog or a cat will realize that fish feel pain and fear, just like furry and winged animals do,” the group wrote in a letter to Whitefish principal Kent Paulson. “In fact, neurobiologists tell us that fish have complex nervous systems that comprehend and respond to pain. Fish communicate and develop relationships with one another, show affection by gently rubbing against other fish, and even grieve when their companions die.”
The name-change request - which is admittedly tongue-in cheek - is part of a national initiative on behalf of all fish species, which PETA says suffer unduly because they are not “cute and cuddly.”
“Schools strive for achievements in academics and sports,” said PETA campaign coordinator Ashley Byrne, “so why not add compassion to the list?”
Most parents, the letter concludes, “would never dream of spending a family weekend torturing kittens, but hooking fish through their mouths and pulling them through the water is just as painful as hooking a cat's mouth and dragging him or her behind a car.”
Paulson wasn't available to discuss a possible name change on Wednesday, but Superintendent Jerry House said he'd been giving it some serious thought.
“By all means,” he said, “we try each and every day to teach respect for the feelings of others.”
Usually, he said, that lesson does not explicitly extend to fish, but “hey, why not?”
In fact, House thinks all of Whitefish should consider the new name.
But he, for one, suggests White Kitten, rather than Sea Kitten, as Whitefish is so far from the coast.
“White Kitten High School, the White Kitten City Council, the White Kitten Fire Department - it has a certain ring to it, don't you think?”
Break the politically correct law, House said, “and you'll be arrested by the White Kitten Police Department, and taken to the White Kitten Jail, where you'll be treated with soft, furry paws and a purr of compassion.”
Other towns, such as Spearfish, S.D., also received the PETA letter, and reportedly were taking the request under advisement.
“Of course they are,” House said. “After all, who wants to be on the hook for being insensitive to kittens?”
Last summer, Whitefish High played host to a conference of the National Federation of Fly-Fishers, who presumably take a very different position on all matters fishy. In a town so reliant upon tourism and conventions, House suggests that the new name could bring in similar new business.
“Next year, maybe we'll get the National Federation of Sea Kittens,” he said. “The fur will be flying, and they'll have scratching post exhibits.
“But,” he warned, “we're going to have to bring in lots and lots of litter boxes."
Me-ow.
Meow.
Actually, make that, me-OW!
The next time you hook into a lunker, and the rod tip bends as line spools out, the folks at PETA want you to look that fishy face square in the eye and think of it not as dinner, but rather as a “sea kitten.”
In fact, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals want Whitefish High School to rename itself Sea Kitten High School, encouraging everyone to refer to fish and other marine animals as sea kittens.
“We're hoping that by calling fish ‘sea kittens,' compassionate people who would never hurt a dog or a cat will realize that fish feel pain and fear, just like furry and winged animals do,” the group wrote in a letter to Whitefish principal Kent Paulson. “In fact, neurobiologists tell us that fish have complex nervous systems that comprehend and respond to pain. Fish communicate and develop relationships with one another, show affection by gently rubbing against other fish, and even grieve when their companions die.”
The name-change request - which is admittedly tongue-in cheek - is part of a national initiative on behalf of all fish species, which PETA says suffer unduly because they are not “cute and cuddly.”
“Schools strive for achievements in academics and sports,” said PETA campaign coordinator Ashley Byrne, “so why not add compassion to the list?”
Most parents, the letter concludes, “would never dream of spending a family weekend torturing kittens, but hooking fish through their mouths and pulling them through the water is just as painful as hooking a cat's mouth and dragging him or her behind a car.”
Paulson wasn't available to discuss a possible name change on Wednesday, but Superintendent Jerry House said he'd been giving it some serious thought.
“By all means,” he said, “we try each and every day to teach respect for the feelings of others.”
Usually, he said, that lesson does not explicitly extend to fish, but “hey, why not?”
In fact, House thinks all of Whitefish should consider the new name.
But he, for one, suggests White Kitten, rather than Sea Kitten, as Whitefish is so far from the coast.
“White Kitten High School, the White Kitten City Council, the White Kitten Fire Department - it has a certain ring to it, don't you think?”
Break the politically correct law, House said, “and you'll be arrested by the White Kitten Police Department, and taken to the White Kitten Jail, where you'll be treated with soft, furry paws and a purr of compassion.”
Other towns, such as Spearfish, S.D., also received the PETA letter, and reportedly were taking the request under advisement.
“Of course they are,” House said. “After all, who wants to be on the hook for being insensitive to kittens?”
Last summer, Whitefish High played host to a conference of the National Federation of Fly-Fishers, who presumably take a very different position on all matters fishy. In a town so reliant upon tourism and conventions, House suggests that the new name could bring in similar new business.
“Next year, maybe we'll get the National Federation of Sea Kittens,” he said. “The fur will be flying, and they'll have scratching post exhibits.
“But,” he warned, “we're going to have to bring in lots and lots of litter boxes."
Me-ow.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Got your elk yet?
30-06 rifle with Leupold Scope $650 dollars
Out of State License $600 dollars
Gas to drive from New York $700 dollars
Taking a Trophy Montana 'Elk' Priceless...
Poor guy has his address and phone number listed in Google.
Out of State License $600 dollars
Gas to drive from New York $700 dollars
Taking a Trophy Montana 'Elk' Priceless...
Poor guy has his address and phone number listed in Google.
Monday, January 05, 2009
A Joke
A man pulls up at the clinic, leaving his wife and kids in the car, and races inside. "We're leaving on vacation, and my wife says I need to be vasectomised immediately!" The doctor is surprised, but makes the guy happy. Snip, snip and it's done. So the guy shuffles back to the car and gingerly lowers himself back into the driver's seat.
"So," asks his wife, "are you vaccinated, then?"
"So," asks his wife, "are you vaccinated, then?"
Playing golf can 'damage hearing'
Lead researcher Dr Malcom Buchanan, an ENT specialist and a keen golfer, said: "Our results show that thin-faced titanium drivers may produce sufficient sound to induce temporary or even permanent cochlear damage in susceptible individuals."
He said golfers should be careful when playing with these thin-faced clubs as they make a lot more noise, and suggested they could wear earplugs for protection.
Crystal Rolfe, an audiologist for the RNID, said: "Exposure to loud impulse sounds over time can cause damage. It is a short, sharp burst of very loud peak sound with this type of golf club.
"Earplugs would offer some protection and if someone was playing regularly with these types of club they might consider wearing them. But this is only one individual case so we need more research."
Dr Martin Strangwood, an expert in sports equipment engineering at the University of Birmingham, said manufacturers engineered the sound of the club to get a "good" sound for the player.
He said golfers should be careful when playing with these thin-faced clubs as they make a lot more noise, and suggested they could wear earplugs for protection.
Crystal Rolfe, an audiologist for the RNID, said: "Exposure to loud impulse sounds over time can cause damage. It is a short, sharp burst of very loud peak sound with this type of golf club.
"Earplugs would offer some protection and if someone was playing regularly with these types of club they might consider wearing them. But this is only one individual case so we need more research."
Dr Martin Strangwood, an expert in sports equipment engineering at the University of Birmingham, said manufacturers engineered the sound of the club to get a "good" sound for the player.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
My dog has cabin fever
8:20 Out back door
8:29 In back door
8:55 Out back door
8:56 In back door
9:02 Fridge opens, comes to kitchen, given treat, leaves
9:24 Enter kitchen, stands behind me, stares
9:25 Refuse bisquit, offer to go outside and chew bone. Leave kitchen
9:29 Return to kitchen, stand by me and stare at me as I type
9:30 Leave kitchen
9:31 Return to kitchen, stare at me. Refuse offer of walk, going out back door or going out front door.
9:32-9-39 Keep staring, following me around kitchen
9:40 Go out back door
9:40:30 Come in back door, go lay down
10:00 Jump on couch, demand scratching
Suzanne and I discussed tonight setting up a dog trade schedule between the her old mellow dog, Nica the Annoyer and Ozzie, the two-year old with too damn much energy. Trades will be based on which dog needs to be punished by being put with Ozzie and WHICH DOG IS SERIOUSLY BEING THE MOST ANNOYING RIGHT NOW!
I feel like Paul during last year's cabin fever season, "The kids are looking at me like I'm the weak kid in Lord of the Flies."
8:29 In back door
8:55 Out back door
8:56 In back door
9:02 Fridge opens, comes to kitchen, given treat, leaves
9:24 Enter kitchen, stands behind me, stares
9:25 Refuse bisquit, offer to go outside and chew bone. Leave kitchen
9:29 Return to kitchen, stand by me and stare at me as I type
9:30 Leave kitchen
9:31 Return to kitchen, stare at me. Refuse offer of walk, going out back door or going out front door.
9:32-9-39 Keep staring, following me around kitchen
9:40 Go out back door
9:40:30 Come in back door, go lay down
10:00 Jump on couch, demand scratching
Suzanne and I discussed tonight setting up a dog trade schedule between the her old mellow dog, Nica the Annoyer and Ozzie, the two-year old with too damn much energy. Trades will be based on which dog needs to be punished by being put with Ozzie and WHICH DOG IS SERIOUSLY BEING THE MOST ANNOYING RIGHT NOW!
I feel like Paul during last year's cabin fever season, "The kids are looking at me like I'm the weak kid in Lord of the Flies."
Saturday, January 03, 2009
A Joke
The husband had just finished reading the book, 'MAN OF THE HOUSE'.
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
His wife replied, "The funeral director?!"
--------------------------------
abbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, ''I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.
She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.''
''Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.''
She responds, ''Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic.''
The cab driver is very excited and says, ''Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!''
The nun says ''OK, pull into the next alley.''
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. ''My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?''
''Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.''
The nun says, ''That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party.''
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
His wife replied, "The funeral director?!"
--------------------------------
abbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, ''I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.
She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.''
''Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.''
She responds, ''Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic.''
The cab driver is very excited and says, ''Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!''
The nun says ''OK, pull into the next alley.''
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. ''My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?''
''Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.''
The nun says, ''That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party.''
Mashed in Plastic - some good music
Download the Individual Tracks version.
Suggested tracks = 11, 12, 13,14
Ew! Ew! Ew!
Rock 'n' roll's most macabre historical artifact will go on the block when the family of the late 1950s pop star J.P. "The Big Bopper" Richardson auctions his casket on eBay sometime in the next few weeks - almost 50 years after "the day the music died."
The Big Bopper's 16-gauge steel casket was exhumed last year from his original grave at Forest Lawn Cemetery in Beaumont so it could be moved to a more visible location with a life-sized statue and historic marker. The disinterment also offered forensic experts a chance - with his family's blessing - to examine the pop singer's unautopsied remains after his death in rock 'n' roll's first great tragedy.
On Feb. 3, 1959, Richardson died at age 28 in the crash of a small plane in a field near Clear Lake, Iowa, that also killed 1950s rock stars Buddy Holly and Ritchie Valens and sent a shock wave around the world. The accident has since been immortalized as "the day the music died."
Richardson was buried a few days later in his Beaumont hometown with great fanfare, including tributes from Elvis Presley and others.
Jay Richardson, the Bopper's son, plans to sell the empty casket on eBay to raise money for a musical show about his father and to keep the Bopper's memory alive. Born three months after the crash, Jay, who lives in Katy, never met his father in life - but saw him for the first time at his exhumation.
The Big Bopper's 16-gauge steel casket was exhumed last year from his original grave at Forest Lawn Cemetery in Beaumont so it could be moved to a more visible location with a life-sized statue and historic marker. The disinterment also offered forensic experts a chance - with his family's blessing - to examine the pop singer's unautopsied remains after his death in rock 'n' roll's first great tragedy.
On Feb. 3, 1959, Richardson died at age 28 in the crash of a small plane in a field near Clear Lake, Iowa, that also killed 1950s rock stars Buddy Holly and Ritchie Valens and sent a shock wave around the world. The accident has since been immortalized as "the day the music died."
Richardson was buried a few days later in his Beaumont hometown with great fanfare, including tributes from Elvis Presley and others.
Jay Richardson, the Bopper's son, plans to sell the empty casket on eBay to raise money for a musical show about his father and to keep the Bopper's memory alive. Born three months after the crash, Jay, who lives in Katy, never met his father in life - but saw him for the first time at his exhumation.
Golf thoughts in six inches of snow
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there..
The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors
Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck.
It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt ... For a 10 on that hole.
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts
It's not a gimme if you're still away.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.
To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.
There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
Hazards attract; fairways repel.
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint
It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard
A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.
Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot.
A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are....that's why I get so many calls to play with friends.
If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.
Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.
It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.
If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).
It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and fart if you are performing Brain Surgery !!!!
Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there..
The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors
Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck.
It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt ... For a 10 on that hole.
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts
It's not a gimme if you're still away.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.
To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.
There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
Hazards attract; fairways repel.
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint
It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard
A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.
Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot.
A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are....that's why I get so many calls to play with friends.
If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.
Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.
It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.
If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).
It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and fart if you are performing Brain Surgery !!!!
Oh Canada
In Canada, their war dead aren't flown to an obscure air base at 3 a.m. and prohibited from being photographed. They are flown to an air base and then placed in hearses and driven 100 miles to Toronto.
Why did we go so wrong?
Why did we go so wrong?
Thursday, January 01, 2009
What are our legislators hiding?
Montana's 61st Legislature convenes at noon Monday. During its 90 days of regular session, you can expect issues like hunting access, wildlife management and the FWP commission's powers on things like licensing to be discussed and voted on in a number of bills.
But so far, legislators are keeping many of their bills - at least, their fish and wildlife bills - a secret from the public. Some legislators have been keeping them a secret for a long, long time.
How do they do it? They do it by massaging the legislative process just a bit. They request a bill draft. The draft gets an extremely vague, short title on the bills portion of the Legislature's Web site. And then, the legislator puts the bill on hold.
For example, Sen. Keith Bales made a draft request in December 2007 - a year ago - that got assigned the number of LC0027. It has the vague title of "Generally revise fish and game laws." Then, in April, he put the bill draft on hold.
If it's on hold, you can't see the text of the bill draft over the Internet. You can't tell what it's about from its generic title. You certainly can't get behind it or get against it. And you never know when it's going to see the light of public scrutiny. Political insiders may know what the bill is about. The lobbyists may know what the bill is about. But the general public doesn't have a clue.
But so far, legislators are keeping many of their bills - at least, their fish and wildlife bills - a secret from the public. Some legislators have been keeping them a secret for a long, long time.
How do they do it? They do it by massaging the legislative process just a bit. They request a bill draft. The draft gets an extremely vague, short title on the bills portion of the Legislature's Web site. And then, the legislator puts the bill on hold.
For example, Sen. Keith Bales made a draft request in December 2007 - a year ago - that got assigned the number of LC0027. It has the vague title of "Generally revise fish and game laws." Then, in April, he put the bill draft on hold.
If it's on hold, you can't see the text of the bill draft over the Internet. You can't tell what it's about from its generic title. You certainly can't get behind it or get against it. And you never know when it's going to see the light of public scrutiny. Political insiders may know what the bill is about. The lobbyists may know what the bill is about. But the general public doesn't have a clue.
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