By MICHAEL JAMISON of the Missoulian
Meow.
Actually, make that, me-OW!
The next time you hook into a lunker, and the rod tip bends as line spools out, the folks at PETA want you to look that fishy face square in the eye and think of it not as dinner, but rather as a “sea kitten.”
In fact, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals want Whitefish High School to rename itself Sea Kitten High School, encouraging everyone to refer to fish and other marine animals as sea kittens.
“We're hoping that by calling fish ‘sea kittens,' compassionate people who would never hurt a dog or a cat will realize that fish feel pain and fear, just like furry and winged animals do,” the group wrote in a letter to Whitefish principal Kent Paulson. “In fact, neurobiologists tell us that fish have complex nervous systems that comprehend and respond to pain. Fish communicate and develop relationships with one another, show affection by gently rubbing against other fish, and even grieve when their companions die.”
The name-change request - which is admittedly tongue-in cheek - is part of a national initiative on behalf of all fish species, which PETA says suffer unduly because they are not “cute and cuddly.”
“Schools strive for achievements in academics and sports,” said PETA campaign coordinator Ashley Byrne, “so why not add compassion to the list?”
Most parents, the letter concludes, “would never dream of spending a family weekend torturing kittens, but hooking fish through their mouths and pulling them through the water is just as painful as hooking a cat's mouth and dragging him or her behind a car.”
Paulson wasn't available to discuss a possible name change on Wednesday, but Superintendent Jerry House said he'd been giving it some serious thought.
“By all means,” he said, “we try each and every day to teach respect for the feelings of others.”
Usually, he said, that lesson does not explicitly extend to fish, but “hey, why not?”
In fact, House thinks all of Whitefish should consider the new name.
But he, for one, suggests White Kitten, rather than Sea Kitten, as Whitefish is so far from the coast.
“White Kitten High School, the White Kitten City Council, the White Kitten Fire Department - it has a certain ring to it, don't you think?”
Break the politically correct law, House said, “and you'll be arrested by the White Kitten Police Department, and taken to the White Kitten Jail, where you'll be treated with soft, furry paws and a purr of compassion.”
Other towns, such as Spearfish, S.D., also received the PETA letter, and reportedly were taking the request under advisement.
“Of course they are,” House said. “After all, who wants to be on the hook for being insensitive to kittens?”
Last summer, Whitefish High played host to a conference of the National Federation of Fly-Fishers, who presumably take a very different position on all matters fishy. In a town so reliant upon tourism and conventions, House suggests that the new name could bring in similar new business.
“Next year, maybe we'll get the National Federation of Sea Kittens,” he said. “The fur will be flying, and they'll have scratching post exhibits.
“But,” he warned, “we're going to have to bring in lots and lots of litter boxes."
Me-ow.
