Simple truths

SIMPLE TRUTH 1 Lovers help each other undress before sex. However after sex, they always dress on their own. Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.       SIMPLE TRUTH 2 When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats". But, none of them touch the man's penis and say, "Good job". Moral of the story: Hard work is never appreciated.       FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE 1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the asshole's name. 3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again. 4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them. 5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.