You'll learn:
- At what age your child should be able to remove a bottle cap by taking out his glass eye and using his eye
- Which offense requires administering The Flying Dutchman Wedgie
- How to prevent sogging the quartermaster
- The best place to maroon your disobedient child
- How to remove chewing gum or a giant octopus from your child’s hair
- The difference between plundering and pillaging
- How to convert your minivan into a pirate schooner
- When to smack your teenager in the side of the head with an oar
