• From Thomas McGuane‘s Driving on the Rim

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of a trailer has a gun.”

Where's Doug? 12/31/10

Mt. Ascension, Helena.

Where I Went In December

Hey, Hey TSA

The kind of people who say, "Think Outside The Box" probably wouldn't find this funny.

So long as one person gets the joke.

Good advice.

Where's Doug? 12/30/10

Looking south on Last Chance Gulch. 4:00 p.m.

Driving to Work

December 13, 2010

Tips for tapping into your wild marketer

Now that it's harder than ever to make a living in the rural West, we locals have to tap into our inner entrepreneur to survive. Hard work is still important, but creativity and judicious copying help a lot, too. Just use your imagination....

For example, Samantha Fox of Twisp, Wash., grew up in a deer-hunting family before leaving her hometown in the North Cascades to pursue a degree in fashion. After graduating from college, Fox returned to Twisp, pop. 980, and started a business called Wild Things.

"There weren't any jobs, so I decided to make my own," said Fox. "Wild Things uses local deer hides, animal fur and feathers to make lingerie for the modern primitive -- it's sort of 'Victoria's Secret meets Clan of the Cave Bear.' "

During hunting season each year, Fox collects hides from hunters, tans them and turns them into sexy sleepwear that she sells on the Internet. Her women's lingerie collection -- made entirely of local deer hides -- has grown to include such items as her "Doe in Heat" panties, her "High Mountain Peaks" series of push-up bras and her "Get Along Little Thongs."

Where's Doug? 12/29/10

Up on Mill Creek. It takes awhile before there is any action.

How to survive a zombie attack during the holidays

"Kenny Loggins wouldn't beat the baby Jesus..."

Gold, Frankinsense and Jameson;s?

A Few Things

For All My Star Trek Friends

A Joke

As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nuthin'," said the Irishman, "back home in me favorite pub, the moment ye set foot in th’ place, they'll buy ye a drink, then another, all the drinks ye like, actually. Then, when ye've had enough drinks, they'll take ye upstairs and see dat ye gets laid, all on th’ house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true. "Did this actually happen to you?" –they asked.

"Well Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times ..."

State Estimates of Drunk and Drugged Driving

A Wonderful Choral Remake of a Radiohead Song

Ugly Christmas Sweaters

A Joke

My wife and I were at home watching TV. I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

She became more and more annoyed and finally said "For God's sake, leave it on the porn channel! You already know how to fish!"

Texting for Old Folks

*BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
*ROFL. CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing. Can't Get Up
*DWI: Driving While Incontinent
*LOL: Living On Lipitor
*OMG: Oy, My Grandchildren!
*OMG: Ouch, My Groin!
*IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
*WTF: What's Today's Fish?
*IMHMO: In My HMO.
*RULKM: Are You Leaving Kids Money?
*BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
*TGIF: Thank Goodness It's Four (Four O'Clock - Early Bird Special)
*FWB: Friend With Betablockers
*FYI: For Your Indigestion.
*JK: Just Kvetching
*TTYL: Talk To You Louder
*MILF: Meal I'd Like To Forget
*LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
*LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
*MGAD: My Grandson's A Doctor
*SUK: Speak Up, Kid
*WIWYA: When I Was Your Age
*GOML: Get Off My Lawn

Interesting Spam Email

MAKE DA BEST CHEDDA EVA

I shall cut down sails, and lie by, and signal for help. . .
I entreated his imperial majesty to give orders it might

Rudolph (You Don't Have To Put On The Red Light)

Ole Goes To Paris

Ole, a furniture dealer from up at Mankato, MN, decided to expand
the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to
see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and
selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To
celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro
and have a glass of wine.

As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was
quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only
vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table;
asked him something in French (which Ole couldn't understand); so he
motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried
to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language.

After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took
a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her.
She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another
napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she
nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a
small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner.....after
which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.
She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe
closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture
of a four-poster bed. To this day, Ole has no idea how she figured
out he was in the furniture business.

The Origin of 3-7-77

Death by stoning

Want It!

You'll learn:

• At what age your child should be able to remove a bottle cap by taking out his glass eye and using his eye
  

• Which offense requires administering The Flying Dutchman Wedgie
  

• How to prevent sogging the quartermaster
  

• The best place to maroon your disobedient child
  

• How to remove chewing gum or a giant octopus from your child’s hair
  

• The difference between plundering and pillaging
  

• How to convert your minivan into a pirate schooner
  

• When to smack your teenager in the side of the head with an oar