WASHINGTON—Faced with ongoing budget crises, underfunded schools nationwide are increasingly left with no option but to cut the past tense—a grammatical construction traditionally used to relate all actions, and states that have transpired at an earlier point in time—from their standard English and language arts programs.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Underfunded Schools Forced To Cut Past Tense From Language Programs
WASHINGTON—Faced with ongoing budget crises, underfunded schools nationwide are increasingly left with no option but to cut the past tense—a grammatical construction traditionally used to relate all actions, and states that have transpired at an earlier point in time—from their standard English and language arts programs.
More stuff we don't need.
The TwoDaLoo is billed as the world's first toilet two people can use ... at the exact same time. It brings couples closer together and conserves our water supply all with one flush. The TwoDaLoo features two side-by-side toilet seats with a modest privacy wall in between. An upgraded version includes a seven inch LCD television and iPod docking station.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Hillary gets an Indian name.
Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the
American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upper New York State . She spoke
for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native
American's present standard of living, should she one day become the
first female President. She referred to her career as a New York
Senator, how she had signed "YES" for every Indian issue that came to her
desk for approval.
Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed
most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and
brothers." At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the
Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle.
The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they come to
select the new name given to the Senator. They explained that Walking
Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it is unable to fly.
American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upper New York State . She spoke
for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native
American's present standard of living, should she one day become the
first female President. She referred to her career as a New York
Senator, how she had signed "YES" for every Indian issue that came to her
desk for approval.
Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed
most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and
brothers." At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the
Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle.
The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they come to
select the new name given to the Senator. They explained that Walking
Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it is unable to fly.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
A joke
A dog walks into a telegram office, takes a blank message form and writes, "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
"There are only nine words here." says the clerk, "You could send another 'woof' for the same price."
The dog looks at him, confused. " But that wouldn't make any sense."
"There are only nine words here." says the clerk, "You could send another 'woof' for the same price."
The dog looks at him, confused. " But that wouldn't make any sense."
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Hopefully, this will be the strangest news story you read today.
CENTERTON, Ark. -- The mayor of an Arkansas town resigned on Wednesday, claiming he was abducted and brainwashed by Satan worshippers nearly three decades ago.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Beer may cost as much as whiskey in the near future
Beer drinkers beware: The mounting cost of beer ingredients could send local microbrew prices hopping, while a hop shortage could leave some brews lacking their signature flavor.
Barberis said total malt prices for the Great Northern have increased by about 27 percent over last year’s cost, while hops have gone up approximately 366 percent. One hop that sold for about $4.50 a pound last year now goes for about $20 per pound. The average 20-barrel batch of beer uses anywhere from five to 20 pounds of hops.
Craig Koontz, brewer at Tamarack Brewing Company in Lakeside, said six-packs in some markets like Seattle have already reached $10.99.
Barberis said total malt prices for the Great Northern have increased by about 27 percent over last year’s cost, while hops have gone up approximately 366 percent. One hop that sold for about $4.50 a pound last year now goes for about $20 per pound. The average 20-barrel batch of beer uses anywhere from five to 20 pounds of hops.
Craig Koontz, brewer at Tamarack Brewing Company in Lakeside, said six-packs in some markets like Seattle have already reached $10.99.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Star Trek's 10 Cheesiest Classic Creatures
Thanks to the magic of high def, and a painstaking digital remastering effort, you can now see these monsters in more detail than ever before -- although, to be fair, that doesn't make them look any more convincing.
Black Friday Sales
It's the craziest day of the shopping calendar. Everyone from big-box stores to online retailers are announcing huge savings. But how can you keep all this information in your brain?
Well, you can't.
That's why we've rounded up all the essential Black Friday information you'll ever need, below. All are real deals, not rumors, and each one is price-checked and validated by our hordes of Black Friday elves.
Well, you can't.
That's why we've rounded up all the essential Black Friday information you'll ever need, below. All are real deals, not rumors, and each one is price-checked and validated by our hordes of Black Friday elves.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Rules for elk camp
1. Never tie your horse to the cooktent. These normally docile steeds have only one thought on their mind - going back to the barn. They interpret the sudden appearance of the camp cook, rushing out through the tent flap with a frying pan full of flaming bacon, as a signal to immediately break camp and gallop to the trailhead with the cooktent and it's occupants in tow.
2. Never dump the dregs of your coffee mug on the dirt floor of the cook tent or spit tobacco juice or food on the floor. Not only is this a disgusting habit, it is a hard one to break once you return home.
3. Do not toss the remains of your cup, used dish water, or empty bottles out through the tent flap. Someone may have forgotten rule one. Or someone may be entering the tent.
4. Never use your partner's coffee cup as a spittoon or chamber pot without asking him first.
5. Do not use the last of the latrine tissue and not tell anyone.
6. It is in bad taste to ask to use someone else's long underwear until yours dries.
7. Do not unduly disturb your buddies sleep by hoarsely whispering, "Did you guys hear that?" or by asking if anyone else has ants in their sleeping bag.
8. Do not take the cot furthest from the stove, then insist on stoking the fire all night because you're cold.
9. Do not ignite dying embers in the sleeping tent stove by tossing in a cupful of chainsaw gas. Especially if you are using your partner's cup.
10. Never keep a loaded gun in camp. Someone could be injured. That someone would likely be the person that violated the rules.
written by Bill Sansom, St. Regis, Montana
2. Never dump the dregs of your coffee mug on the dirt floor of the cook tent or spit tobacco juice or food on the floor. Not only is this a disgusting habit, it is a hard one to break once you return home.
3. Do not toss the remains of your cup, used dish water, or empty bottles out through the tent flap. Someone may have forgotten rule one. Or someone may be entering the tent.
4. Never use your partner's coffee cup as a spittoon or chamber pot without asking him first.
5. Do not use the last of the latrine tissue and not tell anyone.
6. It is in bad taste to ask to use someone else's long underwear until yours dries.
7. Do not unduly disturb your buddies sleep by hoarsely whispering, "Did you guys hear that?" or by asking if anyone else has ants in their sleeping bag.
8. Do not take the cot furthest from the stove, then insist on stoking the fire all night because you're cold.
9. Do not ignite dying embers in the sleeping tent stove by tossing in a cupful of chainsaw gas. Especially if you are using your partner's cup.
10. Never keep a loaded gun in camp. Someone could be injured. That someone would likely be the person that violated the rules.
written by Bill Sansom, St. Regis, Montana
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Jocko Lakes fire exposes artifacts
And so the guesswork begins. Whose cache was this? What happened on this remote mountain bench well over a century ago that left behind such a complete stash?
"That's the mystery," McLeod said. "It's like this was an event that happened, is the best way I can describe it. All these high-value artifacts were just left. In 1870, you don't lose 18 unfired cartridges. You don't lose your ax, your bullet mold, your scissors, your hide scraper."
If murder were involved, why wouldn't the killer have kept the goods?
McLeod and Minetz found the artifacts in a likely camping stop near the trail, on level ground, with water nearby. But there was no evidence of a camp at the discovery site.
"We speculate that maybe a grizzly bear ran the guy off, killed him and ate him," McLeod said.
"That's the mystery," McLeod said. "It's like this was an event that happened, is the best way I can describe it. All these high-value artifacts were just left. In 1870, you don't lose 18 unfired cartridges. You don't lose your ax, your bullet mold, your scissors, your hide scraper."
If murder were involved, why wouldn't the killer have kept the goods?
McLeod and Minetz found the artifacts in a likely camping stop near the trail, on level ground, with water nearby. But there was no evidence of a camp at the discovery site.
"We speculate that maybe a grizzly bear ran the guy off, killed him and ate him," McLeod said.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Going to school
Children attend class at the Dongzhong (literally meaning "in cave") primary school at a Miao village in Ziyun county, southwest China's Guizhou province, November 14, 2007. The school is built in a huge, aircraft hanger-sized natural cave, carved out of a mountain over thousands of years by wind, water and seismic shifts.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Us old guys, we use the new technology too.
Who says Facebook is the province of the young? Increasingly, the 30something bosses of naive recent college grads are proving adept at turning the social network against its earliest adopters.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Why Men make better friends than women
Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
This didn't end well.
Eyewitnesses said they were shouting to the man to swim back to shore. When the man finally spotted the alligator, eyewitnesses said he screamed but then disappeared under the water.
Consumer Reports deconstructs bad ads
If you watch any TV, you've seen the barrage of advertisements for prescription medications. They always start by showing someone in distress—from insomnia, allergies, erectile dysfunction or other medical condition. But after taking the drug, the person is either sleeping soundly or running through the fields, depending on the original ailment, while the announcer reads a scary list of side effects in a voice so soothing that they almost sound fun.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Cunnilingus in North Korea
The text of a Kim Jong II speech set to jazz. Just words and music, but probably NSFW.
The economics of Canadian marijuana
WHITEFISH — For years, backpacks crammed with cash have slipped north into Canada, followed closely by hockey bags packed with premium marijuana skating south into Montana.
A favorable exchange rate (not long ago, one American dollar bought one and a half Canadian dollars) made the smuggling profitable, and thus popular.
But last month, for the first time in more than 30 years, the two currencies were at par, matched in value, and today a Canadian dollar buys $1.10 U.S.
The financial tables have turned, and global economics have done what U.S. law enforcement could not: Capitalism has stopped the smugglers in their tracks.
Call it Marijuanomics 101.
A favorable exchange rate (not long ago, one American dollar bought one and a half Canadian dollars) made the smuggling profitable, and thus popular.
But last month, for the first time in more than 30 years, the two currencies were at par, matched in value, and today a Canadian dollar buys $1.10 U.S.
The financial tables have turned, and global economics have done what U.S. law enforcement could not: Capitalism has stopped the smugglers in their tracks.
Call it Marijuanomics 101.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
It's November - do you know where your candidate has been/
You can follow presidential candidates travel by party and by individual candidates.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Monday, November 05, 2007
Want It! (A solution to the deer problem.)
The Avurt IM-5 uses compressed nitrogen, to deploy five Live* or Practice Rounds semi-automatically up to 40 feet (12 meters).The Live Rounds break open on impact and disperse a cloud of potent PAVA powder, which is significantly stronger than pepper spray. The PAVA powder causes an attacker to cough, choke and become debilitated.
Want It!
Introduce yourself to THE GAMERATOR ... the ULTIMATE gaming machine in the world of home entertainment.
Pre-loaded with 187 licensed classic arcade games ... the Gamerator has everything from Tecmo Bowl to Pac Man, Street Fighter to Galaga, and 180 more games in between (see below for full list).
Other Gamerator features include ...
* A refrigerated interior capable of holding a pony keg of domestic beer
* A 24 inch flat screen television
* Two conveniently-placed cup holders to house your beverage while playing
And the moral of the story is . . .
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done there were 3 finalists, two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"
"The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife"
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, she wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"
"The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife"
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, she wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Want It! (says my dog)
Innobitz(www.innobitz.com) launched its pet-use portable mp3 player ‘JooZoo’ in Korea market, which is designed for pet’s relaxation and safe play stimulation. Adorned with 18k gold and diamond, it features premium design with a heart-shaped necklace.
According to the company, the play system enhances your pet’s physical health and relieves stress through automatic content responding to various pet behaviors. For example, when you leave your pet at home alone or while your pet travels in a vehicle, the JooZoo encourages physical movement or increases blood flow rate by sound wave stimulation.
The luxurious accessory type of remote control and the charger with sound speaker function are also included. Suggested price is between 1,500(USD) and 2,000(USD).
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)