A Joke

Michael and Larry got married in California ..
They couldn't afford a honeymoon so they go back to Michael's Mom and Dad's house in Corner Brook for their first married night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Michael's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Michael and Larry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Michael and Larry up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school '

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Michael and Larry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'

He says: 'Last night Michael came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...... I gave him my airplane glue.'

Best Children's Book Ever?

"This is the most honest children's book ever written. And it's f*cking hilarious."—A.J. Jacobs, author of The Year of Living Biblically

"Total genius."—Jonathan Lethem, author of Motherless Brooklyn

Go the Fuck To Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don't always send a toddler sailing off to dreamland. Honest, profane, and affectionate, Adam Mansbach's verses and Ricardo Cortés' illustrations perfectly capture the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night, and open up a conversation about parenting in the process. Beautiful, subversive, and pants-wettingly funny, Go the Fuck to Sleep is a perfect gift for parents new, old, or expectant. Here is a sample verse:

The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear
Please go the fuck to sleep.

DADS: THE ORIGINAL HIPSTERS

Your dad rode a skateboard before you did and he has a picture in Thrasher to prove it. When your dad was younger, skateboarding was so underground that he had to build his own boards. The cops didn’t know what to do with this new shit kicking menace to the middle class, so they made skateboarding illegal. So hipster, next time you’re rolling down the bike lane of some hipster neighborhood in SF, Portland or New York, remember this…

Your dad was so fucking gnar and awesome that the things he did for fun were made illegal in public places.

My daughter made this.

Stiffler's Mom?

Outside Bozeman magazine has attitude.

Know Thyself By Editors

Being an asshole is like burying a dead body in the woods: everyone’s done it. Or something like that. Are you an asshole? Take our handy quiz to find out. 1. Did you blow up the cliffs along the Jefferson River? 2. Have you updated your Facebook status from the summit of Sacagawea? 3. Are your hat, vest, and waders appropriately color and brand coordinated? 4. Do you drive a foreign car worth more than $50,000? 5. Do you wear a white cowboy hat? 6. Do you walk your dog by driving behind it on a dirt road? 7. Do you complain about the snow in the winter and the fires in the summer? 8. Have you stopped selling local beers? 9. Do you live behind a locked security gate? 10. Have you ever thrown something at a buffalo and then been surprised when it trampled you? 10a. If yes, did you later sue the buffalo and the park ranger? 11. Have you bailed out on your partner on the morning of an adventure for any reason other than being diagnosed with a flesh-eating virus? 12. Have you littered because "it creates jobs"? 13. Do you leave ranch gates open while hunting? 14. Do you bring your cell phone along on a powder day? 15. Do you wish Bridger Bowl had more slopeside lodging and shopping? 16. Have you modified the exhaust of your truck, motorcycle, or snowmobile just to be "a little louder and more visible"? 17. Have you killed a game animal and eaten none of its meat? 18. Do you think spin fishermen are inferior to fly fishermen? 18a. If yes, do you leer at or verbally assault them for keeping a legal amount of fish? 19. Have you peed in Norris Hot Springs? 20. Do you keep hunters, fishermen, and other outdoors people from accessing public land through your property just “because it’s mine?” 21. Do you Tweet? 22. Do you live in a subdivision of 20-acre ranchettes? 23. Is your “cabin” over 4,000 square feet? 23a. If yes, do fewer than 8 people live there? 24. Can your house be seen from the river? 25. Do you pick up your FREE copy of Outside Bozeman and then bitch about its contents? Three or less: You’re an asshole, but not a very big one. Four to nine: Starting to look pretty assholish… careful. Ten or more: Leave now before we kill you.

Children's Drawings Drawn Realistically

Who pays teachers best for their time?

Infographic - Masturbation Facts and Figurs

10 Charts About Sex

OK Cupid creates fascinating data from their web site profiles.

Vegetarian Friendly Sex Slang

Headline of the week - Blackmailer in a clown suit gets 3 years

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/crime/detail?entry_id=87485#ixzz1KSxJmL9w

A Joke

I met a magic fairy today who offered to grant me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine," I said, "I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of their asses!"

"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.

The Future According to Google

Bad Excerpts From Bad Romance Novels

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss—a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.

“The Ghost Downstairs” - Molly Ringle

Face book pokes translated

How to get men to wash their hands.

Meanwhile in a classroom in Texas