Behold the hagfish

Visualizing U.S. Expansion through Post Offices

This visualization shows how formal US territorial control expanded in North America from 1700 to 1900, as seen through changes in the spatial distribution of post offices

Planet of the Apes

What we drink when we drink beer

Christmas to July. Not just ME, but these were the bottle caps we saved from the two houses I live in and multiple people drinking beer. About 58% Montana beers.

Bayern Brewing Company

Yeh!

Choose your party.

Your Friend from High School

Holland Lake from Holland Falls

Bumper Sticker of the Week

Is Hell Endothermic or Exothermic?

“First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. if Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, and then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman year that “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is, therefore, extinct…leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being, which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”

Calgary radio station has contest for winner to get breast surgery. Guess what happened??

When the winner of the Breast Summer Contest Ever was finally announced, the attacks of even one of the harshest critics were blunted.

The prize of breast augmentation surgery initially drew the howls of protest that it objectified women and encouraged body image dissatisfaction.

A complaint was filed with the Ad Standards Council and the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council and the Calgary radio station that launched the contest was inundated with angry e-mails, Facebook messages and tweets.

But the winner announced Wednesday was Avery Mitchell, a transgendered contestant in the process of transforming into a woman.

She earned a whopping 76 per cent of the more than 30,000 online votes drawn by the contest that was dreamed up by AMP Radio 90.3

Read more: http://www.calgaryherald.com/health/Critics+silenced+transgendered+Calgarian+wins+breast+implant+contest/5135901/story.html#ixzz1Stpm78em

Jokes

An AT&T cell tower walks into a bar and says, "I wo...enj...blac...nin...ou.........."

Two cowboys are in the kitchen, which one is the real cowboy?
The one working on the range.

Q: How do you know if someone's vegan?
A: Oh, they'll tell you...

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.

What do you call a raft guide without a girlfriend?
Homeless.

A man walks into a bar, takes out a can of black spray paint, and starts drawing all over the vestibule.
Enraged, the bartender yells at the man, "Get outta here! And never darken my doorway again!"

How many teenagers does it take to change a light bulb?

Mom!

A penguin's car is overheating so he drops it off at a mechanic and goes out to run a few errands.
He comes back to the shop. The mechanic says 'Hey, it looks like you blew a seal'
The penguin says 'No no no, it was a sea lion. You can tell from the ears.'

English Teacher: Knock knock.
Student: Who's there?
English Teacher: To.
Student: To who?
English Teacher (shaking head): To whom.

My favorite joke is about Jonestown but I had to quit telling it because the punchline was too long.

I was going to tell you a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.

Q: What's the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?
A: An etymologist would know the difference

A young man invited a young woman out on a date. They had dinner at a nice restaurant. Afterward the young man asked his date if she would join him in a cigarette. "Oh no," she said. "What would I tell my Sunday school class?"
So the man was driving her home and they passed near a drinking establishment. The man asked her if she would join him for a drink. "Oh no," she said again. "What would I tell my Sunday school class?"
A bit later they passed near a motel, and the young man decided to go for broke. He asked her if she would like to stop there for a bit of fun. "That sounds great," she said. "Let's do it."
"But what will you tell your Sunday school class?"
"The same thing I always tell them: You don't have to smoke or drink to have a good time."

“Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.”

A Man walks into a dentist's office. The dentist asks, "What seems to be the problem?"
"Well," said the man, "I'm a moth."
"A Moth? You mean the little insect with wings?"
"Right, a moth."
"Oh," said the dentist, "You don't need me, you need a psychiatrist. Why did you come to my office?"
"Your light was on."

A Joke

n Texas, there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population. One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond. The rancher rolled down the window, and shouted, "Sehr angenehm! Trink das wasser nicht.. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen." Which means: ("Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have shit in it.") The man shouted back, "I'm from New York, and just down here campaigning for Obama's health care plan. I can't understand you. Please speak in English." The rancher replied, "Use both hands. You'll get more."

Belief in Evolution and National Wealth

Taxidermists on meth

Don't kill yourself, ask me another question!

But they do have some smart programmers to anticipate someone typing what I did to see if it was a real human.

The Turing test is a test of a machine's ability to exhibit intelligent behavior. A human judge engages in a natural language conversation with one human and one machine, each emulating human responses. All participants are separated from one another. If the judge cannot reliably tell the machine from the human, the machine is said to have passed the test.

Yellowstone Bear Interrupts Bear-Safety Interview

Someone shouted, ‘Bear! Bear!’ during CNN interview following fatal grizzly attack on hiker.

Fish Photographed Using Tools to Eat

Professional diver Scott Gardner has captured what are believed to be the first images of a wild fish using a tool. The picture above, captured in Australia’s Great Barrier Reef, shows a foot-long blackspot tuskfish smashing a clam on a rock until it cracks open, so the fish can gobble up the bivalve inside.

Tool use was once thought to be exclusive to humans, and was considered a mark of our superior intelligent and bulging brains. In recent decades, though, more and more animals have shown an ability to work with tools and objects.

Elephants pick up branches with their trunk to swat flies and scratch themselves, a laboratory crowimprovised a hooked tool from a wire to extract an insect and primates use sharpened sticks as spears, rocks to smash nuts and sticks to poke into ant nests.

Tool use in fish, however, is much more rare, and there’s never been any photo or video evidence to prove it — until now. “The pictures provide fantastic proof of these intelligent fish at work using tools to access prey that they would otherwise miss out on,” said Culum Brown of Macquarie University in Sydney in a press release.

“It is apparent that this particular individual does this on a regular basis judging by the broken shells scattered around the anvil,” he said in the release.

What specifically constitutes tool use is a controversial topic. Is a seagull using a tool when it drops a shellfish on a rock? How about when archerfish spray a jet of water to knock prey off of twigs? There’s also the tricky problem of the ocean having all that watery stuff, and fish having no limbs.

For Brown, though, the blackspot tuskfish counts. “We really need to spend more time filming underwater to find out just how common tool use is in marine fish,” he said in the release. “It really is the final frontier down there.”

Gay Marriage

Extra Instructions

Banksy's Real Name is

Yard Sign

Anatomy of a freezer pop

Spam

A Joke

The train was quite crowded and a U. S. Marine walked the entire
length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a
well-dressed French woman, but when he got there, he saw it was taken
by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may
I have that seat?"
The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans
are so rude. My precious little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available
was under that dog.
"Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."
She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little
dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone defend me! Put this American in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem
to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the
wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And
now, sir, you seem to have thrown the
wrong bitch out the window.

A Joke

Reason for changing Motels:

Last week, she checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off his well oiled bum.... She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.

"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.

We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready!! Now how does that sound?"

He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

How To Speak Australian - Science Edition

"Hey Dave what's that snake over there?"
"Well Bruce that would be a Brown Snake?"
"Dave, why do they call it that?"
"Because its brown, and a snake."

"Dave, what's that snake over there?"
"Well Bruce that's a a Death Adder."
"Why do the call it that?"
"Because they wouldn't let us call it a 'Fucks you right up snake'"

Want It!

Here's A Headline You Never Expected

Every Ray Harryhausen stop-motion monster ever, in one video

Want It!

ECWOX, a Korean company who’s in the business of Gadgets and other electronics goodies announced that it has now a new line-up of “Elegant” of Spy watches made to be as discreet as possible and still be capable to shoot 720p video at will. Waterproof and available for both men and women these watches are expected on the Korean market shortly and later worldwide via some of ECWOX’s distributor.

Elements of Happiness

How can a life be visualized? Can a happy life be captured in numbers and diagrams?

The Harvard Study of Adult Development is the longest prospective study of mental and physical well-being ever conducted. For 72 years, researchers at Harvard have been following 824 individuals through war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood and grandparenthood, and old age. In this book, I've taken 10 representative case studies and visualized their salient character traits, personal timeline, social supports, and physical health to draw conclusions about "the happy life."

Among The Costs Of War: $20B In Air Conditioning

The amount the U.S. military spends annually on air conditioning in Iraq and Afghanistan: $20.2 billion.

That's more than NASA's budget. It's more than BP has paid so far for damage during the Gulf oil spill. It's what the G-8 has pledged to help foster new democracies in Egypt and Tunisia.

"When you consider the cost to deliver the fuel to some of the most isolated places in the world — escorting, command and control, medevac support — when you throw all that infrastructure in, we're talking over $20 billion," Steven Anderson tells weekends on All Things Considered guest host Rachel Martin. Anderson is a retired brigadier general who served as Gen. David Patreaus' chief logistician in Iraq.

How to advertise your country

Thought

If It’s Important, You’ll Find A Way. If It Isn’t, You’ll Find An Excuse

When seagulls steal cameras

Hello, my name is . . .

A Walk Along The Missouri

Sufficiently large X

The Mysterious Imagery of The Dollar Bill

Dollar bills: we look at them every day, yet how many of us truly pay attention to anything besides the denomination value? The fact is, numerous symbols adorn our currency and there has been intense debate over the decades of their meaning. Conspiracy theorists believe the imagery is rooted in Freemansonry and tied to the Illuminati (if you’ve read The Da Vinci Code or seen the movie, you know who they are). Others contend the imagery is strictly American and represents the foundations of our nation. In this infographic, we explain each symbol from both perspectives.

A Joke

An Arizona Department of Safety Officer pulled over a pick-up truck owner for a faulty taillight. When the officer approached the driver, the man behind the wheel handed the officer his driver's license, insurance card and a concealed weapon carry permit. The officer took all the documents, looked them over and said. "Mr. Smith, I see you have a CCP. Do you have any weapons with you?" The driver replied, " Yes sir, I have a 357 handgun in a hip holster, a .45 in the glove box and a .22 derringer in my boot." The officer looked at the driver and asked, "Anything else?" "Yes sir, I have a Mossberg 500 12 gauge and an AR-15 behind the seat." The officer asked if the man was driving to or from a shooting range and the man said he wasn't, so the officer bent over and looked into the driver's face and said "Mr. Smith, you're carrying quite a few guns. “May I ask what you are afraid of?" Mr. Smith locked eyes with the officer and calmly answered, "Not a fucking thing!"

The Man Who Had HIV and Now Does Not

Four years ago, Timothy Brown underwent an innovative procedure. Since then, test after test has found absolutely no trace of the virus in his body. The bigger miracle, though, is how his case has experts again believing they just might find a cure for AIDS.

Diabolical alarm clock shreds your hard-earned money

A Joke about Sarah Palin

A Democrat and a Palin supporter went for a walk in a meadow. As they walked, the Democrat saw a dead crow lying on the ground. The scholar said, “Look, it’s a dead crow!” The Palin supporter looked skyward and asked, “Where?”

Global Peace Visualization (video)

A Joke

Yesterday I waded across a raging river,

escaped from a bear in the woods,

marched up and down a mountain,

stood in a patch of poison ivy,

crawled out of quicksand,

and climbed up an enormous tree! ...

My friend said, " You must be some outdoors man!"

"No," I replied, "I'm just a lousy golfer."

3-WAY STREET

By summer 2010, the expansion of bike lanes in NYC exposed a clash of long-standing bad habits — such as pedestrians jaywalking, cyclists running red lights, and motorists plowing through crosswalks.

By focusing on one intersection as a case study, my video aims to show our interconnection and shared role in improving the safety and usability of our streets.

"40 Beads" System Makes It Easier For Couples To Not Verbalize Their Sexual Desires

Carolyn Evans' book Forty Beads; The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage proposes that married couples save (or merely improve) their relationships by using a token system. According to Evans' method, the man is given 40 beads which he distributes, one bead at a time, to his wife. Each bead means he's in the mood, and the wife has 24 hours to respond with sex. One couple interviewed on Today this morning actually said that they love the 40 beads game because, "It's an easy way without having to communicate." The process will improve couples' lives because, as Evans naively points, out, "There's nothing to fight about when everybody is happy with their sexual situation."

I guess this is one way to save money on a divorce.

According to the Daily Mail Online, an immigration officer who worked for the UK Border Agency managed to get his wife out of his hair for three years by putting her name on the no-fly list while she was visiting the in-laws overseas.

Old Travel Pictures

Wish I Had Had This When I Was Dating Rose

Sarah "Wadsworth" Palin recites "Paul Revere's Ride"

Trap a Mouse with a Jar and a Coin. Then Chase it with a Motorcycle

Put a dab of peanutbutter in the bottom of a jar or drinking glass.
Turn the jar upside down and prop it up on a nickel.
A penny isn't big enough and the mouse will knock the glass over before getting under it.
A nickel is the right coin to use.
Do this somewhere mice can get to.

In the morning if you're lucky you'll find something like this.
A mouse crawled under the edge of the glass to get to the peanut butter.
Then it knocked the glass off the coin while jumping at the peanut butter.

You've caught a mouse!

NOW read the comments

Facts about Minnesota

Minnesota became the 32nd state on May 11, 1858 and was originally settled by a lost tribe of Norwegians seeking refuge from the searing heat of Wisconsin 's winters.

Minnesota gets it's name from the Sioux Indian word "mah-nee-soo-tah," meaning, "No, really... They eat fish soaked in lye."

The state song of Minnesota is "Someday the Vikings will... Aw, never mind."

The Mall of America in Bloomington , Minnesota covers 9.5 million square feet and has enough space to hold 185,000 idiot teenagers yapping away on cell phones.

Madison, Minnesota is known as "the lutefisk capital of the world." Avoid this city at all costs.

"The Mary Tyler Moore Show" was set in Minneapolis , Minnesota , and was Mary's first real acting job since leaving the "Dick van Dyke Show. The show about a single woman's struggle to find happiness in the big city was originally titled "Life Without Dick," but that was changed for some reason.

Downtown Minneapolis has an enclosed skyway system covering 52 blocks, allowing people to live, work, eat, and sleep without ever going outside. The only downside to this is that a Norwegian occasionally turns up missing.

Cartoonist Charles M. Shultz was born in Minneapolis , Minnesota and grew up in St. Paul. He was the only artist to accurately depict the perfectly circular heads of Minnesota natives.

The Hormel Company of Austin , Minnesota produces 6 million cans of Spam a year, even though no one actually eats it. Spam is a prized food in Japan & Hawaii--Spam sushi!!

Minnesota license plates are blue & white and contain the phrase "Blizzards on the 4th of July - you get used to it."

Frank C. Mars, founder of the Mars Candy Co. was born in Newport, Minnesota . His 3 Musketeers candy bar originally contained three bars in one wrapper, each filled with a different flavor of nougat -chocolate, Spam and lutefisk.

Tonka trucks continue to be manufactured in Minnetonka, Minnesota, despite the thousands of GI Joe dolls killed by them annually in rollover accidents. No airbags, no seat belts. These things are deathtraps, I tell ya!

Author Laura Ingalls Wilder was raised at Walnut Grove, Minnesota, and was famous for writing the "Little House" series of books, as well as inventing the "Spam diet" which consists of looking at a plate of Spam until you lose your appetite. Much like the "lutefisk diet"

The snowmobile was invented in Roseau , Minnesota so as to allow families a means of attending 4th of July picnics

Minnesotans are almost indistinguishable from Wisconsinites. The only way to tell them apart is to ask if they voted for Mondale in '84.

Groom Caught in Skid Row

The Bravest Woman in Seattle

For herself, for the woman she loved, and for justice, the survivor of the South Park attacks tells a courtroom what happened that night.

How many households are like yours?

Someone Else's Poem

When it's cold a foot away from the stove

and the door is rimmed with ice, it's best

to stay inside and read the Chinese poets

and drink another glass or two of wine.

Disgusting but true.

Average Life Expectancy by County

Breaking News

Breaking News

Congressman Anthony Weiner just announced he will run for President and has selected Attorney General Eric Holder as his Vice-Presidential running mate.

Ticket for 2012: Weiner-Holder

A Joke

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home in Phoenix reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece..

The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.

Going Pro On A Hula Hoop

Over or Under? The Science

Tested on animals

Sarah Palin recites Paul Revere's Ride. You betcha