Saturday, July 04, 2009
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
"Gov. Palin's official announcement that she is resigning as chief executive of the great state of Alaska had all the depth and gravitas of a 13-year-old's review of the Jonas Brothers' album on Facebook. She even quoted her parents' refrigerator magnet. (Note to self: if one of my kids becomes governor, throw away the refrigerator magnet that says: "Murray's Oyster Bar: We Shuck Em, You Suck Em!") She put her son's name in quotations marks. Why? Who knows. She writes, "I promised efficiencies and effectiveness!?" Was she exclaiming or questioning? I get it: both!"
Smoker's Face $20 Packs
CIGARETTES could cost more than $20 for a packet of 30 and come in plain wrapping if radical proposals now under consideration by the federal government are accepted.
The government is considering a cigarette tax hike and a ban on all remaining tobacco advertising and sponsorship in response to its yet-to-be-released Preventative Health Taskforce report.
The landmark report, now being examined by Health Minister Nicola Roxon, urges the government to slash smoking rates over the next decade to nine per cent, reducing the number of people aged 14 and over who smoke daily from three million to two million.
Under the changes, some of which were canvassed in a discussion paper released late last year, cigarette packets would be generic and plain, with larger graphic health warnings taking up about 90 per cent of the front and 100 per cent of the back.
Tobacco companies also face a blanket ban on all sponsorship, Internet sales, public relations activities and "corporate responsibility'' donations, Fairfax Newspapers say.
The plan has been strongly backed by anti-smoking organisations such as the Public Health Association, the Cancer Council and the National Heart Foundation, but has alarmed cigarette companies, which claim it could be unlawful.
(p.s. It's Australia, so it isn't Obama's fault. )
The government is considering a cigarette tax hike and a ban on all remaining tobacco advertising and sponsorship in response to its yet-to-be-released Preventative Health Taskforce report.
The landmark report, now being examined by Health Minister Nicola Roxon, urges the government to slash smoking rates over the next decade to nine per cent, reducing the number of people aged 14 and over who smoke daily from three million to two million.
Under the changes, some of which were canvassed in a discussion paper released late last year, cigarette packets would be generic and plain, with larger graphic health warnings taking up about 90 per cent of the front and 100 per cent of the back.
Tobacco companies also face a blanket ban on all sponsorship, Internet sales, public relations activities and "corporate responsibility'' donations, Fairfax Newspapers say.
The plan has been strongly backed by anti-smoking organisations such as the Public Health Association, the Cancer Council and the National Heart Foundation, but has alarmed cigarette companies, which claim it could be unlawful.
(p.s. It's Australia, so it isn't Obama's fault. )
Soon, we will all be driving the Smart Car
The Smart Car
The Smorsche
The Smerarri
The Smaudi A3 AWD
The Smamorghinni
The Smustang
The Smorsche
The Smerarri
The Smaudi A3 AWD
The Smamorghinni
The Smustang
Important medical news
American Medical Association researchers have found that patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.
It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.!!!!!!
It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.!!!!!!
Four questions
Question # 1: How much does a house weigh?
Question # 2: How much weight can a rural two-lane bridge hold???
Question # 3 SO......WOULD THIS BE COVERED BY HOUSE INSURANCE, CAR INSURANCE, OR,
DOES IT COME UNDER ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE???
Question #4 - How do you fix it?
Question # 2: How much weight can a rural two-lane bridge hold???
Question # 3 SO......WOULD THIS BE COVERED BY HOUSE INSURANCE, CAR INSURANCE, OR,
DOES IT COME UNDER ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE???
Question #4 - How do you fix it?
Don't forget 4 p.m. on July 4th!
As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does. So on July 4th at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims, & to demonstrate they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife, & to show support for all American women. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment. The American gov't appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists & applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God bless America It is your patriotic duty to pass this on. If you don't send this to at least 5 people you're a terrorist-sympathizing, lily-livered coward & are in the position of posing a national threat
All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims, & to demonstrate they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife, & to show support for all American women. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment. The American gov't appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists & applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God bless America It is your patriotic duty to pass this on. If you don't send this to at least 5 people you're a terrorist-sympathizing, lily-livered coward & are in the position of posing a national threat
"It came from Wasilla" - Vanity Fair magazine article
Despite her disastrous performance in the 2008 election, Sarah Palin is still the sexiest brand in Republican politics, with a lucrative book contract for her story. But what Alaska’s charismatic governor wants the public to know about herself doesn’t always jibe with reality. As John McCain’s top campaign officials talk more candidly than ever before about the meltdown of his vice-presidential pick, the author tracks the signs—political and personal—that Palin was big trouble, and checks the forecast for her future.
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Not my dog!
For Nica, convert "minutes" to "days" and it's about right.
For Ozzie the young pup, the graph STARTS at "Jumps All Over You."
13 year-old gives up iPod for Walkman, gives thanks for not being old.
"It took me three days to figure out that there was another side to the tape. That was not the only naive mistake that I made; I mistook the metal/normal switch on the Walkman for a genre-specific equaliser, but later I discovered that it was in fact used to switch between two different types of cassette."
Flies can help you tell time.
This prototype time-piece from UK-based designers James Auger and Jimmy Loizeau traps insects on flypaper stretched across its roller system before depositing them into a vat of bacteria. The ensuing chemical reaction, or "digestion," is transformed into power that keeps the rollers rollin' and the LCD clock ablaze.
10 new words and phrases
10 new words and phrases from Cramer-Krasselt's 'Cultural Dictionary'
* Pinkwashers (n.): Certain companies that specifically use support for breast cancer research to promote products or services.
* Carborexic (n.): A person who is obsessed with minimizing his or her use of carbon.
* Freedomlawn (n.): Residential land permitted or designed to contain a variety of plants other than manicured grass, especially when containing plant life that occurs without cultivation, chemicals or cutting.
* Precycling (v.): Purchasing products based on how recyclable they are.
* Geo-fencing (v.): Setting a physical boundary, via a GPS system or mobile phone, to where someone can roam. If the boundary is exceeded, the roamer gets a warning.
* Disemvowel (v.): To remove the vowels from a piece of text as a form of censure in order to render the piece more difficult to read; generally done by the moderator of an online community.
* Micro-boredom (n.): What we used to call downtime is now increasingly filled by fiddling with mobiles or BlackBerrys. Those who market these devices, or the services they use, see it as an opportunity to sell us something.
* Baby goggles (n.): A phenomenon where the parents of an ugly baby think their baby is adorable and no one else does.
* Kitchenheimer's (n.): When you're in the kitchen going around in circles because you can't remember what you were doing there.
Source: Cramer-Krasselt's "Cultural Dictionary"
* Pinkwashers (n.): Certain companies that specifically use support for breast cancer research to promote products or services.
* Carborexic (n.): A person who is obsessed with minimizing his or her use of carbon.
* Freedomlawn (n.): Residential land permitted or designed to contain a variety of plants other than manicured grass, especially when containing plant life that occurs without cultivation, chemicals or cutting.
* Precycling (v.): Purchasing products based on how recyclable they are.
* Geo-fencing (v.): Setting a physical boundary, via a GPS system or mobile phone, to where someone can roam. If the boundary is exceeded, the roamer gets a warning.
* Disemvowel (v.): To remove the vowels from a piece of text as a form of censure in order to render the piece more difficult to read; generally done by the moderator of an online community.
* Micro-boredom (n.): What we used to call downtime is now increasingly filled by fiddling with mobiles or BlackBerrys. Those who market these devices, or the services they use, see it as an opportunity to sell us something.
* Baby goggles (n.): A phenomenon where the parents of an ugly baby think their baby is adorable and no one else does.
* Kitchenheimer's (n.): When you're in the kitchen going around in circles because you can't remember what you were doing there.
Source: Cramer-Krasselt's "Cultural Dictionary"
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Bad Business Name
June 26 (Bloomberg) -- Nigeria’s joint venture with OAO Gazprom will help boost the West African country’s earnings from natural gas, said Mohammed Barkindo, chief executive officer of Nigerian National Petroleum Corp.
Gazprom, Russia’s gas export monopoly, on June 24 signed an agreement in the Nigerian capital, Abuja, to form a company called NiGaz Energy Co. Ltd. that will invest in gas production, transportation and infrastructure in Nigeria.
Gazprom, Russia’s gas export monopoly, on June 24 signed an agreement in the Nigerian capital, Abuja, to form a company called NiGaz Energy Co. Ltd. that will invest in gas production, transportation and infrastructure in Nigeria.
Credit Card Hell
When used wisely, credit cards can be the cornerstone of a sound financial strategy. A solid credit history makes you a good credit risk and that in turn allows you to purchase the necessities of life. But credit cards can also be a slippery slope. One misstep and you’ll tumble into the abyss of credit card debt hell, a mounting spiral of missed payments, fees, high APRs, and rate increases that will take years to recover from. Only by remaining vigilant can you hope to avoid this fate. Here’s our guide to what you may experience on the way down.
Advertising on Hulu during the Simpson's is more expensive than buying an advertisement on televison
We'll laugh at this headline in the not so distant future, but for the first time, buying a 30-second ad during a Fox broadcast of The Simpsons costs less than buying the same ad on Hulu.
Television broadcast ads during The Simpsons cost $20-$40 per thousand viewers. On the web, the rate jumps to $60.
Shows like The Simpsons and CSI are now commanding higher ad rates on Hulu and TV.com than on television. It's a byproduct viewers being twice as likely to recall web ads than TV ads, according to Neilsen. (Which I would argue is a byproduct of Hulu showing us far fewer ads.)
But before we all declare TV dead, remember that Hulu has only 37 seconds of ads per "30-minute" show while a Fox broadcast includes a whopping 9 minutes of sales pitches. So there's still technically more money in TV, which will change as soon as Hulu begins cramming 9 minutes of ads into each program.
Television broadcast ads during The Simpsons cost $20-$40 per thousand viewers. On the web, the rate jumps to $60.
Shows like The Simpsons and CSI are now commanding higher ad rates on Hulu and TV.com than on television. It's a byproduct viewers being twice as likely to recall web ads than TV ads, according to Neilsen. (Which I would argue is a byproduct of Hulu showing us far fewer ads.)
But before we all declare TV dead, remember that Hulu has only 37 seconds of ads per "30-minute" show while a Fox broadcast includes a whopping 9 minutes of sales pitches. So there's still technically more money in TV, which will change as soon as Hulu begins cramming 9 minutes of ads into each program.
No, you don't look like her.
Marilyn Monroe look-alike contestants Julie Meyer of Covington, left and Kelly Sengewald of Mt. Healthy give their best impression on stage for the Hollywood Casino Marilyn Monroe look-alike contest on Fountain Square Friday June 26.
Michael Jackson's death = Iran gets more repressive
The jokes popped up almost immediately that Mark Sanford was the luckiest guy on earth after word broke that Michael Jackson had suffered a heart attack. But the notion that Jackson's death, which preempted virtually all other news coverage on the cable networks last night, is sucking up media attention from other matters carries a dark edge to it as well. National-security experts are warning that without sustained attention on Iran, its repressive tactics could grow more deadly in the coming days.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Saving you a lot of research, here's the answer to the question, "How long can we hang out in a brewery and suck on our last beer after 8 p.m.?"
42.13.601 SMALL BREWERY RESTRICTIONS
(5) On-premises consumption and possession shall not be permitted before 10 a.m. or after 9 p.m. The brewery shall be responsible for removing all product samples from patrons' possession in order to comply with this provision.
(It's a new rule.)
(5) On-premises consumption and possession shall not be permitted before 10 a.m. or after 9 p.m. The brewery shall be responsible for removing all product samples from patrons' possession in order to comply with this provision.
(It's a new rule.)
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Want It!
The Apple iPod phenomenon has invaded not only your ears, but also your car, your home audio system, and now your television. JVC's LT-P300 series is one of the only TVs on the market designed specifically to work with iPods and iPhones, allowing you to charge your iPod and play back music, videos, and photos via the TV. JVC's integrated dock goes a step beyond the dongles and docks found on AV receivers such as the Pioneer VSX-1019A-HK and TVs such as the Panasonic TX-LX1 series because it actually folds out from the front of the TV, for a seamless integration that should please convenience-conscious Apple fans.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
A Test
1- Find the C below. Do not use any cursor help.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
6999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
3- Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.
Oh. One more test....
Find the 44th USA President.
Well, congratulations, you're not color blind either
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
6999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
3- Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.
Oh. One more test....
Find the 44th USA President.
Well, congratulations, you're not color blind either
Monday, June 22, 2009
A Joke
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas.
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'
Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.'
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'
Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'
'Nope', she replied.
'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!'
Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, 'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.'
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'
Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.'
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'
Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'
'Nope', she replied.
'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!'
Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, 'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.'
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Porn Spoiler Data Base
Find out how any porn movie ends.
My challenge was to think of a porn movie from this century. (I couldn't)
Friday, June 19, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
News from the present, not the future.
Terror law used to stop thousands 'just to balance racial statistics'
Thousands of people are being stopped and searched by the police under their counter- terrorism powers – simply to provide a racial balance in official statistics, the government's official anti-terror law watchdog has revealed.
Thousands of people are being stopped and searched by the police under their counter- terrorism powers – simply to provide a racial balance in official statistics, the government's official anti-terror law watchdog has revealed.
Once upon a time, Jim Henson did coffee commercials
In 1957, Jim Henson was approached by a Washington, D.C. coffee company to produce ads for Wilkins Coffee. The local stations only had ten seconds for station identification, so the commercials had to be lightning-fast -- essentially, eight seconds for the commercial pitch and a two-second shot of the product.
From 1957 to 1961, Henson made 179 commercials for Wilkins Coffee and other Wilkins products, including Community Coffee and Wilkins Tea. The ads were so successful and well-liked that they sparked a series of remakes for companies in other local markets throughout the 1960s.
Monday, June 15, 2009
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