When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.
Sunday, November 10, 2024
Wednesday, April 03, 2024
Idaho Falls, April 2024
Hotel: “We’re going to put a window in the bedroom door that leads to the balcony. Then we are going to put a shade over it that can’t be opened. Then we are going to put a very bright light outside that is on all night. Now you can’t look out the window or keep your room dark at night.”
There were a lot of animals in this, “Guess the Skull” game that I didn’t know lived in Idaho.
I killed a wooly mammoth with a pretend Atlanta.
Sunday, March 24, 2024
This is Why We can't Have Nice Things.
A polar bear can eat 12 penguins a day and can sniff them out over 35 miles away. No zoo north of the 27th parallel is legally allowed to keep penguins because of their protected status and the polar bear risk.
Hours in Special Education
Hours in special education and general education shall be divided into (a) those which occur on Thursday, (b) those which are provided by an aide who is three times the weight of the student, (c) those that are provided by professional personnel, (d) fabulous ones, (e) those which are provided by a talking dog, (f) those included in this category, (g) innumerable ones, (h) those which involve the breaking of small objects, (i) those in which the student is wearing a yellow shirt.
Thursday, March 21, 2024
How a Tiny Island Became One of the Most Militarized Countries in the World
https://www.wsj.com/video/series/wsj-explains/how-a-tiny-island-became-one-of-the-most-militarized-countries-in-the-world/B1853849-3144-4A43-A23E-18E913B22811
Saturday, March 16, 2024
Wednesday, March 06, 2024
Monday, March 04, 2024
Sunday, March 03, 2024
Saturday, March 02, 2024
Tuesday, February 27, 2024
Cool History!
On a side street between downtown Helena and the Capitol building, an unassuming former storefront belies an important story for Montana African-American history.
Dorsey’s Grocery Store was once a thriving business run by Walter and Almira Dorsey, two of the town’s leading Black citizens. Both were Easterners who struck out for Montana from Maryland and Missouri about 1890. They landed in the capitol city and were married on New Year’s Eve, 1891, beginning a life together as prominent members of Helena’s Black community.
In a time when neighborhood groceries were common, Walter and Almira launched their own. They first rented a place on Rodney Street and then moved to 843 8th Ave, living in the back and selling groceries up front for 5 years. Their industriousness paid off, giving them the chance to buy a vacant lot down the street at 900 8th Avenue and create a permanent home for themselves, their family, and their business. Walter and Almira Dorsey assembled their grocery store in 1904 by moving a store building and a gracious Victorian house onto the property and joining them together. The W. R. Grocery was soon open for business with a full range of “Groceries, Provisions, Salt Meats, Canned Goods, Fruits, Vegetables, Confectionary, Tin and Granite Ware.”
Almira and family ran the store until 1932, after which it sold and continued as a grocery until 1961. In more recent times, many Helenans knew the store as the Wise Penny, a second-hand shop that operated here from the mid-1960s to 2002, while for a time, the house and carriage house behind held a photography studio and magic shop.
Monday, February 26, 2024
Sunday, February 18, 2024
New team names spell victory!
Today the sports moniker game's not about identification, it's about intimidation. Just ask the Raging Drag Queens, the Syphilitic White Missionaries or the Declining Test Scores.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
By Susan McCarthy
April 4, 2001 |
HONOLULU (AP) -- A University of Hawaii official has conceded that the school nixed the football team's 77-year-old rainbow logo because of concerns about its homosexual theme ... instead of the Rainbow Warriors, the team will now be known as the Warriors.
--Associated Press, July 28, 2000
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HONOLULU -- A Honolulu State College official denied today that the school had nixed the football team's request to change its name from the Fighting Tigers to the Raging Drag Queens.
"It's true a vote was held, and it's true the students overwhelmingly favored Raging Drag Queens," said the official, who asked to be unnamed. "But the name was not submitted through proper nomination channels, so it doesn't count as a request, and neither do most of those others. Properly nominated choices included Tiger Team, Fighting Tigers, Tiger Gladiators, Just Plain Tigers, Savage Geckos, Tiger Tsunami and More Than One Angry Mongoose -- and of those, Fighting Tigers got the most votes."
Fighting Tigers received only four votes, the official conceded. He declined to give totals for Raging Drag Queens or other disallowed names.
"Fighting Tigers is a sucky name," said the football team's spokesman, Vincent Lom. "There are no tigers in Hawaii, and nobody's scared of them. We want a name that speaks of our awesome terrifying might, and in our experience, almost everyone in the league is terrified of homosexuals and cross-dressers, so Raging Drag Queens would be a perfect name for us. Plus, we were hoping we would be allowed to share locker rooms with the cheerleaders."
Lom said that although the team had its heart set on Raging Drag Queens, they would have settled for other disallowed names that did well in student voting, such as the Huge Violent Gays, the Aunt Nancy Men or the Recruiting Squad.
Lom said his personal suggestion for a scary team name, the Drunken Tourists, did not do well in the voting. "I don't know why. It gives me the fear."
- - - - - - - - - - - -
RED FIELD -- Red Field Indian High School officials denied today that the school's football team had changed its name from the Mighty Bobcats to the Syphilitic White Missionaries, but a student body representative appeared on local cable news holding a banner with that name in block letters.
Knute Rock Deer, student body president and wide receiver, told newscaster Jay Johnson, "We know what chills the blood and it ain't bobcats."
Johnson asked Rock Deer how students could defend the use of a stereotyped image of Caucasians. "The team names of the Braves and the Indians are stereotypes about scary Indians," replied Rock Deer. "How is Syphilitic White Missionaries any different?"
Rock Deer noted that in the 1970s Stanford University changed its team name from the Indians. Though students voted to rename the team the Robber Barons, the administration insisted on the Cardinals or, later, the Cardinal, a shade of red. "How scary is that? A color? Excuse me?" asked Rock Deer. "They should've gone with Robber Barons."
"But how can Native American students identify with syph -- with such a name?" Johnson asked. Rock Deer replied, "It's not about identification, it's about intimidation."
A group of Red Field cheerleaders and spirit mascots performed a skit depicting the impact of syphilitic white missionaries on peace-loving indigenous peoples. The camera quickly cut away from the skit to focus on newscaster Johnson, who attested, "That is one scary team concept. It left me weak-kneed and shuddering."
"At first we actually picked Forked-Tongued Landrapers, but we weren't sure people would get it," Rock Deer said. "Same with Clueless Wannabe Culture Thieves."
- - - - - - - - - - - -
SPRINGFIELD -- The National American United States High School Football Hall of Fame denied that any plaques or trophies have gone out with unapproved team names such as Syphilitic White Missionaries, Steroid-Crazed Monsters or Lady Steroid-Crazed Monsters.
The Hall of Fame says it has been deluged with requests for team name changes, some of which officials suspect may not have been authorized by school administrations. Hall officials say all name changes will be "carefully scrutinized."
In apparent gestures of solidarity with embattled students at Oklahoma's Red Field Indian High School, where students were suspended en masse after attending a football game against rival Pleasant Valley Pioneers wearing T-shirts captioned "Tremble Before the Syphilitic White Missionaries," students across the country have been moving to rename teams after "things that really intimidate," in the words of the valedictorian of one inner-city high school.
"Eagles aren't scary," said Winsocki Buckles of St. Euphemia High School. "Losing the roof over your head is scary, which is why kids at City renamed their team the Slumlords. Stallions aren't scary. Losing your kids is scary, which is why the students at Eastside renamed their team the Arrogant Social Workers. Longhorn cattle aren't scary. Being excluded from the dominant culture is scary, which is why the kids at Prep renamed their team the Ice People.
"Also, religious oppression is scary, which is why we at St. Euphemia renamed our team the Braindead Zombie Protestant Fundamentalist Backlash. We mostly play other Catholic schools and we're pretty confident that will have them shaking in their soggy diapers, the big old babies."
Buckles added that many of her best friends are Protestants. "Try to understand, this is about football. This is about winning."
"We're going to be checking these name change requests for months," said a weary Hall of Fame staffer who asked not to be named. "I'm pretty sure no administrator approved the Yuppie Creeps, but how about the Entrenched Bureaucracy? It's a Washington-area high school, so that could be real, right? I thought the Tampa Bay Devil Rays was a joke name when I first heard it, so how can I be sure about the Elbow River Fire Ants? I don't think it's even legal to call a team the Disgruntled Postal Workers."
"And look at this," added the employee despairingly. "First we got this request from the Battling Bearcats at Flatland High who have a longstanding rivalry with the Pirate Crew at Hilltop High to change their name to the Declining Test Scores. They crushed the thoroughly terrorized Pirate Crew in the big game, but the Pirates struck back by requesting a name change to the Crumbling Physical Plant Plus Your Principal Smokes Crack."
"Turns out neither name change was authorized, but a temp had already sent out the trophy with Declining Test Scores on it. We engraved a new trophy that said Battling Bearcats, but Hilltop High is naming us in a lawsuit for inflicting loss of school spirit."
"Now, look. Look at this. Here's a new request. What I am I supposed to do, call the principal at Flatland and ask, 'Are you really the Flatland High School Thought Police?'"
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About the writer
Susan McCarthy is a San Francisco freelance writer and the author, with Jeffrey Masson, of "When Elephants Weep: The Emotional Lives of Animals."
Dog Haiku
Dog Haiku
I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.
I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be
Today I sniffed
Many dog behinds-I celebrate
By kissing your face.
I sound the alarm!
Paper boy-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I sound the alarm!
Garbage man-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush . Hello, Spot-
Sniff this and weep
How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.
My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle
I Hate my choke chain-
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!
Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot -no greater bliss-well,
Maybe catching rats
Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do
The cat is not all
Bad-she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls
Dig under fence-why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.
I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.
Standard Disclaimer
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Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Do not apply to leather, suede, velvet, corduroy or plastic. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. 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Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on the back of stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. Canadian members serviced from Canada, where offer is slightly different. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. Your mileage may vary. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. This offer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied. User assumes full liabilities. Not liable for damages due to use or misuse. An equal opportunity employer. No shoes, no shirt. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Caveat emptor. Read at your own risk. Do not molest the animals. Parental advisory explicit lyrics. Text may contain material some readers may find objectionable. Parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children. Limit one per family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. You need not be present to win. Some assembly required. Batteries are not included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Safety goggles required during use. Sealed for your protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken. Call before you dig. For external use only. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use. Use only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes. Avoid contact with mucous membranes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near flammable or magnetic source. Smoking may be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh. Text used is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles. No animals were harmed in production. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavor added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. If symptoms persist, consult a physician. Slippery when wet. Must be 18 to enter. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Offer valid only at participating E mail sites. Slightly higher west of the Rockies. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of God, misuse, neglect, unauthorized repair, damage from improper installation, broken antenna or marred cabinet, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, unwanted children, flying projectiles, or dropping the item. Do not use as a projectile. Follow all directions: put your right foot in, take your right foot out, put your right foot in and shake it all about. If coffee spills on disclaimer, assume it is very hot. Do not taunt. Other restrictions may apply.
This supersedes all previous notices.
Saturday, February 17, 2024
Thursday, February 15, 2024
Retirement - Small Thoughts
Take joy in the commonplace activities of daily life.
The Small Thing Each Day. Choose one small thing of less than an hour commitment, write it down on a sticky note to put on the fridge, do it.
Walk the dog 10 blocks in a new neighborhood.
Spend 45 minutes in the library.
Clean all the light switches (not outlets)
Buy a pellet rifle to subtly shoot out the too bright always on lights of my neighbors.
People seem to think that retirement should lead to immediate big changes. T
Therefor, my stock answer to,
THEM: "So you are retiring/retired, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE ANYWAY???!!!"
ME: "I'm moving to North Caroline to pursue my passion of raising prize-winning milking llamas."
Because then I can just have fun making shit up.
(I'm putting this post here so I can come back and add to it.)
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