We got a new phonebook!

And this is what we did. 

A Joke

 SCOTTISH WEDDING
At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled...
"Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."  

The bartender was almost crushed to death.


New Book
A man goes into Borders and asks the young lady assistant,
"Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?"
She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."
"That's the one; I'll take a copy…"
 

 Poor Lance Armstrong

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong,especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs. 

When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike.

 Drive ByA guy broke into my apartment lastweek.  He didn’t take my TV, just the remote.
Now he drives by and changes the channels.
Sick Bastard!!

 Pregnant Prostitute
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"  

"For f.... sakes , if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"

10. Sex Research  (could be handy)
If sex with 3 people is called a threesome and sex with 2 people is a twosome, now I understand why they call you handsome!

HOW MANY LAYERS OF IRONY CAN A PUNK BAND ENDURE?

I had not come to Montana because the Sputniks were famous, or were even on the verge of fame. I had come because I knew, vaguely, that there is a world of American kids who love rock and roll but scorn Rolling Stone and Spin and, above all, MTV-kids who get their musical news from Maximum Rock 'n' Roll, Punk Planet, and, in Montana, an antic, densely written zine called Shat Upon. Before leaving Missoula, I had tried to assess the Sputniks' place among the thirty-odd local bands-Missoula is a college town (University of Montana), with a busy rock-and-roll scene-but I hadn't learned much. 

More here. 

THE SKELETON LAKE OF ROOPKUND, INDIA

In 1942 a British forest guard in Roopkund, India made an alarming discovery. Some 16,000 feet above sea level, at the bottom of a small valley, was a frozen lake absolutely full of skeletons. That summer, the ice melting revealed even more skeletal remains, floating in the water and lying haphazardly around the lake's edges. Something horrible had happened here.

The immediate assumption (it being war time) was that these were the remains of Japanese soldiers who had died of exposure while sneaking through India. The British government, terrified of a Japanese land invasion, sent a team of investigators to determine if this was true. However upon examination they realized these bones were not from Japanese soldiers—they weren't fresh enough.

It was evident that the bones were quite old indeed. Flesh, hair, and the bones themselves had been preserved by the dry, cold air, but no one could properly determine exactly when they were from. More than that, they had no idea what had killed over 200 people in this small valley. Many theories were put forth including an epidemic, landslide, and ritual suicide. For decades, no one was able to shed light on the mystery of Skeleton Lake.

However, a 2004 expedition to the site seems to have finally revealed the mystery of what caused those people's deaths. The answer was stranger than anyone had guessed.

Read more. 

First World Dog Problems

Here

Screenshots of Despair

Here.

Stuff

Weekend at a cabin and at Chico Hot Springs

A Grizzly Ate My GoPro

See it here.

Good beer commercial

If I Gave You My Love

Kid President Has a Few Choice Words for Mom

 Watch it here. 

HOW TO BE GRACIOUS, AND WHY

Graciousness looks easy, but of course it is not. Do not mistake mere manners for graciousness. Manners are rules. Helpful, yes. But graciousness reflects a state of being; it emanates from your inventory of self. Start with what you already possess
So listen. Be attentive to what people say. Respond, without interruption. You always have time. You own the time in which you live. You grant it to others without obligation. That is the gift of being gracious. The return — the payback, if you will — is the reputation you will quickly earn, the curiosity of others, the sense that people want to be in the room with you. The gracious man does not dwell on himself, but you can be confident that your reputation precedes you in everything you do and lingers long after you are finished. People will mark you for it. You will see it in their eyes. People trust the gracious man to care. The return comes in kind.

Read more here. 

Ratio of people to bars

Here. 

Don’t make fun of renowned Dan Brown

The critics said his writing was clumsy, ungrammatical, repetitive and repetitive. They said it was full of unnecessary tautology. They said his prose was swamped in a sea of mixed metaphors. For some reason they found something funny in sentences such as “His eyes went white, like a shark about to attack.” They even say my books are packed with banal and superfluous description, thought the 5ft 9in man. He particularly hated it when they said his imagery was nonsensical. It made his insect eyes flash like a rocket.

Renowned author Dan Brown got out of his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house and paced the bedroom, using the feet located at the ends of his two legs to propel him forwards. He knew he shouldn’t care what a few jealous critics thought. His new book Inferno was coming out on Tuesday, and the 480-page hardback published by Doubleday with a recommended US retail price of $29.95 was sure to be a hit. Wasn’t it?

I’ll call my agent, pondered the prosperous scribe. He reached for the telephone using one of his two hands. “Hello, this is renowned author Dan Brown,” spoke renowned author Dan Brown. “I want to talk to literary agent John Unconvincingname.”

Read more here. 

Nickel and Dimes

The Sunday, April 28 edition of the Missoulian was billed at a "premium" rate for home subscribers, but it's understandable if you happened to miss the announcement—and the extra cost.

The "premium" rate policy is listed each day in small print on page A2. The notice states that, unless you opt out of receiving a "premium" paper by contacting the circulation department, the issue will cost an extra $1 on top of what you already agreed to pay for your subscription. The extra buck gets deducted from your credit balance. In other words, if you signed up for 52 weeks for $52 (as one Indy staffer recently did), it becomes a 51-week subscription unless you very alertly opted out of the "premium" issue.

Since November, the Missoulian has published six "premium" rate issues, including one that cost an extra $2.

For those who don't regularly read the small print on A2, there is another way to learn about "premium" charges—in the form of a bill. One Missoulian subscriber who let a subscription expire received a $4.50 invoice for four "premium" issues from November and December 2012. When he called to find out how he could possibly owe money for a subscription he already paid, a customer service representative at the paper's billing office explained that the charges weren't taken from existing subscriptions when the "premium" charges were first implemented. Since the subscription lapsed, they had no current account to pull from and therefore issued a bill. She also pointed to the A2 announcement as fair warning. When asked if anyone had complained about what seemed like a somewhat shady practice of nickel-and-diming subscribers, the woman said, "Oh, yes. Quite a few people are mad about it."

Missoulian Publisher Jim McGowan brushed aside concerns about the fairness of "premium" rates when asked about it by an Indy reporter. No wonder, because it's making McGowan a bundle. The Alliance for Audited Media listed the Missoulian's average paid Sunday circulation at 30,662, with home and mail delivery totaling 21,334. That means the paper has earned approximately $149,338 on "premium" issues in just six months.

So, what in the name of Joseph Pulitzer was so special about the April 28 "premium" issue?

A 16-page fashion supplement.

Deer Steals Man's Wife

See the crime here. 

There is a correlation between elevation and obesity.

Intriguingly, those areas in which less than a quarter of the population is obese map almost exactly onto the more mountainous regions of the country—the Appalachians, the Rockies, and the Sierra Nevada. And, indeed, after controlling for diet, activity level, smoking, demographics, temperature, and urbanisation, Voss and his colleagues found “a four- to five-fold increase in obesity prevalence at low altitude as compared with the highest altitude category.”

To repeat: Americans who live less than five hundred metres above sea level are more than five times as likely to be obese as their counterparts who live at or above 3,000 metres — even when diet, physical activity, and socio-economic status are all taken into account. Mountain-dwelling Americans, Voss found, weigh in a full 2.4 points lower on the Body Mass Index, on average, than their lowland compatriots.

Read more here. 

Every Noise At Once

Choose and listen here. 

This Antarctic documentary looks beautiful

Antarctica - A Year On Ice.

The Skies Belong To Us

THE STORY

In an America torn apart by the Vietnam War and the demise of sixties idealism, airplane hijackings were astonishingly routine. Over a five-year period starting in 1968, the desperate and disillusioned seized commercial jets nearly once a week. Their criminal exploits mesmerized the country, never more so than when the young lovers at the heart of The Skies Belong to Us pulled off the longest-distance hijacking in American history.

A shattered Army veteran and a mischievous party girl, Roger Holder and Cathy Kerkow commandeered Western Airlines Flight 701 as a vague protest against the war. Through a combination of savvy and dumb luck, the couple managed to flee across an ocean with a half-million dollars in ransom, a feat that made them notorious around the globe. Over the ensuing years, their madcap adventures on the lam would involve exiled Black Panthers, African despots, and French movie stars.

See more here. 

Brennan's Wave

Friday night at Charlie B's

Who cares most about the homeless?

Gracie waiting on a squirrel

Wyoming has created a map that shows where each gun owner is. Each one is represented by a red dot.

Stuff

Where's Doug? (First three weeks in May edition)

Why I Like Cooking Together

Omelette

Coming soon to Missoula

Viscosity Theater.