Sunday, February 17, 2013

The Fifty Most Loathsome Americans

32) You
Charges: You have an opinion on that Twilight slut that cheated on that other Twilight slut, and you’ll share it with anyone who’ll listen. You believe in ghosts, horoscopes, that criminalizing abortion would reduce abortion rates, karma, Fred Thompson’s reverse goddamn mortgages, that Hitler took people’s guns away, that the ATF ran guns into Mexico, and every other dumb-fuck thing because your brain’s an evolutionary mish-mash that’s better at retroactively justifying its near-instant emotional reactions than it is making rational sense of the world. You’re a subconscious brute, largely unaware of your own motivations–an animal automaton programed by biology and society to eschew reason in favor of blind prejudice, tribalism, social climbing, and a perverse ethos that values cowardice and conformity over imagination and the bravery to admit that your entire life is a moot point made by no one at all. And you’re a shitty driver.
Smoking Gun: Honey Boo Boo.
Sentence: Honey Boo Boo.

Read about the others here. 

No comments:

Post a Comment