I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
Was learning cursive really necessary?
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
Bad decisions make good stories
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
