A Joke

A man dies and finds himself in Hell, and starts sobbing and wailing so loudly that the Devil himself suddenly appears.

"Dude," says the Devil. "What's your problem?"

"What do you think?" the man blurts out between sobs. "I'm in Hell!"

The Devil rolls his eyes. "You know, I'm really tired of Hell getting such a bum rap. This place isn't so bad. Honest. Listen.. do you like golf?"

The guy, through tears: "Yeah. Why?"

"Did you know that every Sunday here in Hell, we have a huge golf tournament? It's true. We have replicas of all the world's greatest courses, and we play golf all day and all night long, every Sunday. You can even get a hole-in-one on every swing if you want. It's a fuckin' blast."

"Really?" says the guy, encouraged for a second, but then he starts crying again. "But it's still Hell."

"Hang on," says the Devil. "Do you like beer?"

"Sure."

"Every Monday here in Hell, we have a 24-hour beer blast. It's insane. We have the world's best beers here, and we all drink till we puke, then we drink some more. It's the wildest party you've ever seen, but nobody has a hangover the next morning."

"Wow," says the guy. Now he's perking up. "What else?"

"You like pizza?" asks the Devil.

"Of course."

"Then you're in luck," says the Devil. "Every Tuesday is Pizza Fest. All the pizza you can eat, all day and all night long, and I'm talking good pizza, too, made by some of the best pizza makers who ever lived. We stuff ourselves silly and have a crazy good time."

Now the guy's really excited. "Ok, ok," he says, "I see what you mean. Maybe Hell's not so bad after all. Tell me more - what about Wednesday night?"

"Dude," says the Devil. "Wednesday's the best. You're gay, right?"

The guy stops smiling. "No."

"Huh? You're not gay?" asks the Devil.

"No."

"Oh," says the Devil, sheepishly. "You're not gonna like Wednesday."