Montana in the Uncylopedia

“I haven't seen land so flat and desolate since the time I saw Countess McGovern of Wales topless.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Montana.

"Montana is an otherwise un-notable US state named for footballer Joe Montana, who purchased it from the Cleveland Indians for $1 in 1976. Prior to that, the state had been owned by the Great Northern and Northern Pacific Railroads, the Anaconda Copper Company, the Minnesota Twins, and the Minnesota Vikings."

I found some of my old math homework.

Living Life Backwards

I want to live my next life backwards:

You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day. Then you get kicked out for
being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension. Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're too young to work.

You get ready for college:: drink alcohol, party, and you're
generally promiscuous. Then in high school: do similar as college and
prepare for primary school.

Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities. Then you become a baby, and then...

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like
conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then...


You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

Posting will be infrequent for a few weeks because . . .

I'm traveling a lot, mostly in places with limited chances for connectivity;

I have a work project that is trying to eat my soul. I can only keep the demon away by feeding it time.

My laptop will be going into the shop for a hard drive upgrade (160 GB!!)

Montana is mosly brown land and gray skies right now. Not the best photo ops.

Hopefully, I'll have some cool out-of-state travel pictures when I get back.

Nica Wants It

The Gazillion Fetch a Bubble Machine is set to be the most sought after dog-toy of the decade. It'll keep your dog actively entertained for hours on end and actually provides a means of exercise. With hours of chicken scented bubble fun, it's not hard to see why K9's across the globe are going crazy for the Fetch a Bubble! It's doggy heaven on earth!

Tattoos for the Elderly

X-country skiing

Souvenier

Wheel! Of! Food! - Try It!

This is what the internet was made for.

The House looks Different Today

Introducing the Book

Worst Burglar Ever

The Watches of War

Pocket watches were a pain in the ass to fumble around for during battle, something needed to be done to keep soldiers hands on their guns as well as synchronize combat. Many military watches had a special feature for those "in the shit". A Trench Guard, grid or grille covered and protected the dial with medieval-style armor.

Further Signs of the Apocalypse

Want It!

Things you didn't know you had to worry about

The CUPCAKE COURIER is able to transport and/or store up to thirty-six cupcakes or muffins all in one easy, great looking container!

The CUPCAKE COURIER's 3 trays can be removed, and the unit can double as a cake courier.

Darts offer non-lethal population control

"While no one has invented a birth-control pill for does, and fitting a buck with a condom would be a hazardous activity, some say contraception is a viable means for controlling a population of urban deer."

2007 Things To Do - Visit all the Mint Bars in Montana

Whitehall


A bit exclusive:

Good Signs

Please send a post card to, "Occupant, Cow Shit Lane, Whitehall, MT 59759"

The Exciting Game of Career Girls

Your goal? Be the first player to become a 'Career Girl' in your chosen field by collecting School Cards, Subject Cards, and Personality Cards that can either help or hinder you. The laughs start when you see what six future careers are available for young girls to choose from...

Reed Point Welcomes Ewe

Snowshoeing

How to go to Hell - How many ways can you combine seven deadly sins?

The top 49 Super Bowl commercials 2007

I found my new couch

Nailing Jello to a wall - is it possible

Want It! - Night Writer

The night writer extends the functionality of LED throwies by allowing a writer to catch a tag in lights. It's cheap, easy to make and writes 12-inch glowing letters 25-feet in the air on any iron or steel surface if you stand on a turned over garbage can."