I Humped Your Hummer . Com

Brilliant!

Police bust up wombat fighting ring.

(Toledo, OH) Police and animal investigators removed several dozen Australian wombats from a north Toledo home in what was described as a "failed wombat-fighting ring."

Police also arrested LaGrange Street resident Marty Kensington, 45, on cruelty charges.

Interviewed by Toledo Tales, Kensington expressed remorse at his actions.

"The bastard who sold them to me said they were vicious killers," said Kensington. "I paid $300 bucks for a pair of eucalyptus-leaf eating retards who just stare at each other with a dull glare."

Police nab smurfs in trampoline theft

2006 Things To Do - Visit all of Montana's Breweries

In order of preference:

Sawtooth Ale
Pale Ale
IPA

You can also stand in the beer garden and watch the baseball games next door. Or at least second and third base.

You'll see this commercial in a couple of months

From the same company that brought you the bouncing balls commercial.

http://www.bravia-advert.com/commercial/braviacommlow.html

An elk where you don't expect one.

"The driver of a Dodge Neon saw the wreck unfold and merged into the passing lane at the last moment, striking the elk with the right, front end of the vehicle."

Outhouse Graffitti

"JESUS IS THE WAY"

"DRUGS ARE A CRUTCH!"

"LIFE IS A BROKEN LEG."

Sunset

We're getting great orange sunsets but the downside is waking up at 6 a.m. to the smell of smoke.

Microfishing the Little Blackfoot

Lots of bites, a few fish.

Averaging 3.5 inches long. Cute little rainbows but since I didn't have a sardine can to put them in . . .

An Elephant's Memory

A young man was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. While he was walking through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.

As carefully and as gently as he could he worked the thorn out with His hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen -- thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. The man never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later the man was walking through the zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where they are standing at the rail. The large bull elephant stared at him and lifted it's front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, all the while staring at the man. The man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him.

The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Guess what your kids are getting for their birthday?

Where are they now? Babes of the 80's

Air Power

A good idea just taking off. The page lists the locations of electrical outlets in various airports.

Hippies get beat up.

Another said: “I took on a Texan Swat team at Esso last year and they were angels compared with this lot.” Behind him, on the balcony of the pub opposite the IPE, a bleary-eyed trader, pint in hand, yelled: “Sod off, Swampy.”

Brilliant or Stupid? Pepto-Bismol Ice Cream

Go see this band - The Red Elvises

Surf music from Russia. Fun to watch, fun to dance to.

Joke

Two guys from Daniels County are quietly sittin' in a boat atFort Peck Montana fishing and suckin' down beer when suddenly Karnes says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she
hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Earl sips his beer and says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

"Cornholing Tourney Planned In Terry"

Most unforunate headline ever?

Particularly if your name is Terry.

The Best Things In Life

Pretty girl in a bikini, lifelong buddy, dog, mountains, Blackfoot river, raft, beer, fly fishing . . .

Sign shooting is apparently OK

Why kids should not be left alone

In case you ever wondered what "God-Jesus" looked like

Bar Sign - "Liver Up!"

How to cut wood very, very quickly.

Do what the deer tells you.

2006 Things To Do - Visit All Of Montana's Brew Pubs

The Glacier Ale sucked, the Kolsch was great and the Pilsner was good. The deck overlooks a playground so on Friday night the whole family can go out for fun.

Miss Hoosegow 2006

"When I first started posting the comely mugshots of selected arrestees from Des Moines' Polk County Jail, I had no idea so many readers shared my fascination with caged pulchritude. To commemorate the anniversary of this popular feature, I think it's finally time to select the official Hawkeye Hoosegow Honey of the Year."

Gardiner Cemetary

"One less on Earth
It's pains, it's sorrows and it's toile to share
One less the pilgrim's daily cross to bear
One more the crown of the blessed to wear
At home in heaven!"

Floating the Missouri

Wanna hot dog?

Jew for Jesus versus Steve Jobs

Go Ask Alice: Mushroom drug is studied anew.

"A third of the participants said the experience with psilocybin was the single most significant experience of their lives, and an additional 38% rated it among their top five such experiences -- akin to, say, the birth of a first child or the death of a parent. Just 8% of the Ritalin episodes were reported to be among the top five meaningful occurrences. Two months after the sessions, 79% of the participants indicated in questionnaires that their sense of well-being and satisfaction increased after the psilocybin episodes, compared with 21% for Ritalin."

Mac kills my inner child

An oldie but a goodie.

Get a Mac - the parody ads

It was bound to happen.

A good read - The Sex Lives of Cannibals

Although accustomed to globe trotting, Troost and his wife, Sylvia, were truly innocents abroad when they moved to the island of Tarawa in the South Pacific, where Sylvia had accepted a government position. Tarawa is the capital of Kiribati--a republic of tiny atolls located just above the equator--and the place where Troost's dreams of paradise were shattered. Although Tarawa has much to offer, such as stultifying heat, dogged bureaucracy, toxic water, La Macarena, and the fantastic rituals of the I-Kiribati people, it lacks running water, television, restaurants, air-conditioning, and, the most crucial amenity, beer. Culture shock ensued for Maarten and Sylvia, and he chronicles their two years on Tarawa in a hilarious, sardonic travelogue.

The raccoon on my mon's back patio

There's another parent and three kits.

Apparently, in Florida the word, "accident" means, "really flipping stupid thing to do."

"ST. PETERSBURG, FL (AP) -- A man celebrating the Fourth of July in St. Petersburg fatally shot himself while playing with a handgun.

Police say Casey Neal was drinking during a cookout at his house early Wednesday when he pointed the semiautomatic handgun at his head and told friends he would pull the trigger after counting down from five.

Police say it appears to be an accident."

Crossing the Yellowstone at 80 mph and 95 degrees

Nica just exists.

"Obviously he is very sore"

The victim spent most of yesterday with a 15-centimetre blade embedded in his head before Auckland surgeons removed it in a delicate operation.

The knife had gone through the 36-year-old victim from one side of his face to the other.

Stevie Ray Vaughn documentary

One Red Paperclip

'My name is Kyle MacDonald and I traded one red paperclip for a house."

Although you can't see it, there was a double rainbow

I hate jet skis, I dislike power boats - but I want to try this

Cool is as cool does.

For those in the Cult of Mac - Two Seconds to Sleep

(this works way cool)

Want the fastest way to put your Mac right into a deep, sleepy-bear hibernation-like sleep (no whirling fan, no dialogs, no sound — nuthin’ — just fast, glorious sleep)?

Just press Command-Option and then hold the Eject button for about 2 seconds and Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. It doesn’t get much faster than that.

A good read

'From its startling opening description of scientists racing to the bloody scene where a shark has decapitated a seal, this memoir–cum–natural and cultural history of the Farallon Islands—"the spookiest, wildest place on Earth"—plunges readers into the thrills of shark watching. Casey, a sportswriter with recurring dreams about deep-sea creatures, "became haunted" by the 211-acre archipelago 27 miles west of San Francisco when she saw a BBC documentary about Peter Pyle and Scot Anderson, biologists who study the great white sharks there. Casey's three-week solo stay on a yacht anchored in shark waters is itself an adventure, with the author evacuating just hours before the yacht disappeared in a storm."

Sarah Silverman

Your dog doesn't want you to upgrade your cell phone.

A great? senior prank?

Check out the kid whose initials are, "HC".

Richard Simmons on "Whose Line Is It."

Why did he ever pretend to be not gay?

The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

Their first new comic in 10 years. Meh.

4th of July sunset over Helena

Californication

One day after the U.S. Surgeon General released the most damning study yet on secondhand smoke, a state Senate committee approved a bill Wednesday that would allow police to stop drivers guilty of puffing in the confines of their car when a child passenger is secured in a safety seat.

If the measure becomes law, violators who smoke a "lighted pipe, cigar or cigarette containing tobacco or any other plant" would receive a warning on the first offense, and a $100 fine the next time they are pulled over.

Under the bill, a smoker could be found guilty even if the car is parked or on private property. It would not, however, apply if the child were at least 6 years old -- old enough to legally not have to be in a safety seat.

Fun with cats

Years ago we wrapped a scarf around the middle of Paul's cat. It walked sideways. Even after we took the scarf off. We were quite concerned that we had broken his cat.

That is if the word, "concerned" means, "Laughing so hard we couldn't stand up."

Hey Ya! Charlie Brown Style

Get down with the gang!

See how fast you can type

I'll have to try this on a standard keyboard. I didn't do well on the laptop.

How to blow up a G4 computer

"At first, we thought we would put a bottle of propane next to it and shoot it with a rifle. We decided against this because:

1. It's illegal.
2. We didn't know what we were doing.
3. We'd probably die."

Dating & Hiking in the Rockies: How To Get Yourself Kicked in the Leg

In the Rockies, the dating dance is a little different than in most places. One of the first things you do with a prospective mate is go hiking, biking, kayaking, rafting, fishing ... you get the idea.

My friend Tam says an outdoor activity "is one up from meeting for coffee, but below going to dinner."

Against Pandas

"More sinister than Opus Dei; more money than the US National Rifle Association; more lobbying power than French farmers. Every week, the worldwide panda industry strikes another blow for soft-headed sentiment over rational cost-benefit analysis."

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