Saturday, October 31, 2009
A Joke
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
The casket, though, crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
On his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door,
bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything....
But all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket......
and.........
The coffin stops !
when behind him he hears:
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
The casket, though, crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
On his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door,
bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything....
But all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket......
and.........
The coffin stops !
Friday, October 30, 2009
Canadian folk singer dies after coyote attack
A young folk musician had her life cut tragically short, dying from injuries sustained after being attacked by two coyotes while hiking.
Taylor Mitchell, 19, was hiking alone in Cape Breton Highlands National Park in Nova Scotia, Canada, on Tuesday when the attack occurred.
Mitchell, of Toronto, was airlifted to a Halifax hospital in critical condition and died Wednesday morning.
The Ottawa Citizen reports that another hiker heard her screams and called emergency services. Royal Canadian Mounted Police officers arrived at the scene and shot one of the coyotes, though both animals escaped.
Park officials later killed one of the coyotes believed to have bitten Mitchell. Its body was sent to the Atlantic Veterinary College at the University of Prince Edward Island for pathological tests to try to determine why the animals attacked.
"If Mitchell ran from the coyotes or panicked, it may have triggered a predatory response in the animals," said Simon Gadbois, an animal behavior specialist at Canada's Dalhousie University.
"Coyotes are very shy animals," Gadbois said. "To me, this looks like two yearlings with very little hunting experience, probably very hungry, maybe a little bit desperate."
Taylor Mitchell, 19, was hiking alone in Cape Breton Highlands National Park in Nova Scotia, Canada, on Tuesday when the attack occurred.
Mitchell, of Toronto, was airlifted to a Halifax hospital in critical condition and died Wednesday morning.
The Ottawa Citizen reports that another hiker heard her screams and called emergency services. Royal Canadian Mounted Police officers arrived at the scene and shot one of the coyotes, though both animals escaped.
Park officials later killed one of the coyotes believed to have bitten Mitchell. Its body was sent to the Atlantic Veterinary College at the University of Prince Edward Island for pathological tests to try to determine why the animals attacked.
"If Mitchell ran from the coyotes or panicked, it may have triggered a predatory response in the animals," said Simon Gadbois, an animal behavior specialist at Canada's Dalhousie University.
"Coyotes are very shy animals," Gadbois said. "To me, this looks like two yearlings with very little hunting experience, probably very hungry, maybe a little bit desperate."
I submit this brief in support of why we TOTALLY should get it on. - w4m
This is odd, but kind of hot. NSFW reading.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Schwarzenegger Flips Off Lawmakers in Hidden Message
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is ticked off.
He’s tired of signing bills that don’t address the pet causes he deems important. So when another unworthy bill crossed his desk recently for signing — addressing funding issues for the Port of San Francisco — the guv vetoed it and sent lawmakers a little note saying why. Only the note said a little more than lawmakers were expecting.
Buried in the text was a hidden message directed at State Assemblyman Tom Ammiano, author of the bill, according to the San Francisco Bay Guardian.
He’s tired of signing bills that don’t address the pet causes he deems important. So when another unworthy bill crossed his desk recently for signing — addressing funding issues for the Port of San Francisco — the guv vetoed it and sent lawmakers a little note saying why. Only the note said a little more than lawmakers were expecting.
Buried in the text was a hidden message directed at State Assemblyman Tom Ammiano, author of the bill, according to the San Francisco Bay Guardian.
The Perils Of Early Childhood Exposure to Pinky and the Brain
Girl #1: Seriously, what are we going to do?
Girl #2: Take over the world?
Girl #2: Take over the world?
Monday, October 26, 2009
World Record Trout - A Pharmed Phreak?
On September 5, Saskatchewan fisherman Sean Konrad caught a 48-pound, world-record rainbow trout. The fish came from Lake Diefenbaker, where trout genetically engineered to grow extra-big escaped from a fish farm nine years ago.
The previous world record was held by Sean’s twin brother Adam, who pulled a 43-pound, 10-ounce rainbow trout from Lake Diefenbaker in 2007. That catch sparked online debate over the legitimacy of Lake Diefenbaker’s farm-born, genetically-engineered rainbows. Technically known as triploids, they’re designed with three sets of chromosomes, making them sterile and channeling energies normally spent reproducing towards growth.
Cut off (some) Aid to Africa?
Last year, Dambisa Moyo was an unknown banker in the London office of Goldman Sachs. Then she wrote a book, Dead Aid, that blames foreign economic assistance for Africa's poverty and corruption (with passing shots at Bono and celebrity activism) and calls for an overhaul. As she began a tour of what seemed like hundreds of talk show appearances, defenders of aid started fighting back. Economist Jeffrey Sachs called her views "cruel" and noted acidly that aid (i.e., scholarships) sent Moyo from Zambia to Harvard. Others, Moyo says, accused her of "killing African babies."
But Moyo's arguments are based on basic, even well-known, facts: Europe and the US have sent billions in aid to horrible regimes. Corrupt leaders have seen way more cash than needy citizens. Endless loans left the continent with crippling debt. And most of Africa is actually poorer today than it was a few decades ago, when aid dollars began to increase.
Furthermore, she doesn't condemn all aid, just that to governments. Nor has she proposed to end aid to Africa in five years, as many critics believe. Rather, Moyo wants the world to taper off financial assistance to African governments, as quickly as possible, and replace it with direct investment. She wants foreigners to see Africa as an opportunity not a basket case. And she points to the fact that a number of African economies have actually grown in the past year, even as the global economy contracted.
But Moyo's arguments are based on basic, even well-known, facts: Europe and the US have sent billions in aid to horrible regimes. Corrupt leaders have seen way more cash than needy citizens. Endless loans left the continent with crippling debt. And most of Africa is actually poorer today than it was a few decades ago, when aid dollars began to increase.
Furthermore, she doesn't condemn all aid, just that to governments. Nor has she proposed to end aid to Africa in five years, as many critics believe. Rather, Moyo wants the world to taper off financial assistance to African governments, as quickly as possible, and replace it with direct investment. She wants foreigners to see Africa as an opportunity not a basket case. And she points to the fact that a number of African economies have actually grown in the past year, even as the global economy contracted.
A Joke
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
A woman walks past and says, sniggering,
"If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you were better looking it would lift itself."
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
A woman walks past and says, sniggering,
"If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you were better looking it would lift itself."
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Welcome to the future
A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to driving his motorized La-Z-Boy chair while drunk. A criminal complaint says 62-year-old Dennis LeRoy Anderson told police he left a bar in the northern Minnesota town of Proctor on his chair after drinking eight or nine beers.
Prosecutors say Anderson's blood alcohol content was 0.29, more than three times the legal limit, when he crashed into a parked vehicle in August 2008. He was not seriously injured.
Police said the chair was powered by a converted lawnmower and had a stereo and cup holders.
Two New NIH grants Use Cell Phones to Collect Real-Time Data on Substance Use
Scenario: A group of friends are drinking at the local pub, when one gets a cell phone call. He takes it in a quiet corner; nothing unusual.
But this isn't a "What's Up" call from a friend: It's a "What-are-you-doing-right-now?" call from an automated voice system programmed to collect data in real time, via cell phone, from participants enrolled in research studies on alcohol, marijuana and the situational factors that surround their use.
"This is an interesting and useful way to collect data," said Collins. "It eliminates the problems associated with study participants having to recall their behavior, and cell phones are ubiquitous with young people, who are our main targets in these studies. We capture their data right away. It's all computerized and stored immediately."
But this isn't a "What's Up" call from a friend: It's a "What-are-you-doing-right-now?" call from an automated voice system programmed to collect data in real time, via cell phone, from participants enrolled in research studies on alcohol, marijuana and the situational factors that surround their use.
"This is an interesting and useful way to collect data," said Collins. "It eliminates the problems associated with study participants having to recall their behavior, and cell phones are ubiquitous with young people, who are our main targets in these studies. We capture their data right away. It's all computerized and stored immediately."
Monday, October 19, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
McDonalds Around the World
Sold in New Zealand. It’s a beef patty, with an egg, tomato, lettuce, cheese, onion, cooked beetroot, sauce and mustard on a bun
A fish wrap sold in Finland and Norway.
Grilled chicken or kofta (beef with spices) with lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and garlic mayonnaise, wrapped in an Arabic style pita bread.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
How far is it to the nearest McDonalds?
Somewhere in South Dakota is the farthest - just over 100 miles.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
The Telltale Wombs of Lewiston, Maine - NPR Story
In the mid-1970s, an unconventional health researcher named Jack Wennberg discovered an unusually high rate of hysterectomies in a small town in Maine. If the rate continued, nearly 70 percent of Lewiston women would be without their wombs by age 70. That was just one of a series of studies conducted by Wennberg that led him to a very surprising conclusion about health care: a large portion of the medical care Americans get is unnecessary. And the structure of the health care system is the reason why. The system can push doctors to prescribe care that doesn't improve patient health.
A joke
The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and says, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but it will go deep into their hearts. And for the rest of their lives, whenever they speak of this day they will rejoice!"
Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand you can do that. Show me."
So the Pope slapped her.
The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and says, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but it will go deep into their hearts. And for the rest of their lives, whenever they speak of this day they will rejoice!"
Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand you can do that. Show me."
So the Pope slapped her.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
New Words
201(k) (n) What’s left of a 401(k) after a recession.
Brickor mortis (n) A term used to describe a housing market that has completely dried up.
Land it like Sully (v) Derived from US Airways pilot Chesley Sullenberger’s heroic landing of a plane in
New York’s Hudson River, a term now used to reference an unusual but successful solution to a problem.
Slacktivism (n) Activism without all the activity.
Brickor mortis (n) A term used to describe a housing market that has completely dried up.
Land it like Sully (v) Derived from US Airways pilot Chesley Sullenberger’s heroic landing of a plane in
New York’s Hudson River, a term now used to reference an unusual but successful solution to a problem.
Slacktivism (n) Activism without all the activity.
Friday, October 09, 2009
A joke
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that She needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that His employer was going through a process of corporate Downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find Another position that paid anywhere near what He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which Showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the bank which were worth over $2 million, And informed him that they Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for more than Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, These holdings had multiplied and these were the Results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'
That's when she shot him.
This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that She needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that His employer was going through a process of corporate Downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find Another position that paid anywhere near what He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which Showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the bank which were worth over $2 million, And informed him that they Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for more than Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, These holdings had multiplied and these were the Results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'
That's when she shot him.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Want it for crashing parades
Put on your matching hat, slip under the muffin top of your Cupcake Car, and let the world figure itself out for awhile. Get (or give) the sheer, joyful chaos of a gift that is mind-blowing, triple-dog-dare, double-infinity forever cool. Make the kids or grandkids literally squeal with joy. Bring it to work and buzz the breakroom. Crash parades! Putter about the ‘hood. Ever had a crowd of kids chasing after you just for the crazy gleeful heck of it? (No worries, the top speed is a comfy-safe 7 mph.) What’s it made of? A 24-volt electric motor, a heavy-duty battery, sheet metal, wire, fabric, wood…and mad genius.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Key + key ring
One day in June, Scott Amron came home and tossed his keys on the kitchen table. Then he paused, eyeing his pocket-jinglers, and had a Hudsucker-ish inspiration: Why not combine the key and the key ring? Amron makes a living turning far-out concepts into workable prototypes for outfits like Oxo and Polder Home Tools, so he rendered a design and posted it on his Web site, amronexperimental.com. Within a day the sound of head-slapping had reverberated across the Net. Within a week he was in touch with a manufacturer. Within a month he had more than 25,000 preorders for his key-plus-ring, which can be cut to fit almost any front door in the US. Only one problem: The design he posted used his own front-door key as a model; a resourceful thief would have no trouble making a house call. "I had to change my locks," Amron says.
Bird Cam Captures Albatross, Killer Whale Rendezvous
Tiny cameras attached to the backs of four Antarctic albatrosses have revealed a clever feeding strategy: Instead of randomly scanning the open ocean for prey, some birds appear to fly alongside killer whales and scavenge for scraps left by the mammalian predators.
Albatrosses often have to fly hundreds of miles in just a few days in order to find their prey, and scientists have long wondered how the birds navigate over a largely featureless ocean. Previous studies suggested the birds might use a combination of scent and vision to guide them, but until now, no one had been able to directly record the behavior of the foraging seabirds.
To track the birds, scientists attached lipstick-sized digital cameras, equipped with depth and temperature sensors, to the backs of four albatrosses from Bird Island off the coast of South Georgia in the Antarctic Ocean. After three foraging trips, the bird-borne cameras had captured more than 28,725 images. Although many photos were too dark to be useful — and 6,600 were obscured by feathers fluttering in front of the camera lens — the remaining images yielded a startling result.
“One surprising finding was that one of the study birds encountered a killer whale, Ornicus orca, during the course of the trip,” wrote the researchers in a paper published this week in the journal PLoS ONE. “This image showed that the killer whale broke the surface and that three other albatrosses were also apparently following the whale.”
Albatrosses often have to fly hundreds of miles in just a few days in order to find their prey, and scientists have long wondered how the birds navigate over a largely featureless ocean. Previous studies suggested the birds might use a combination of scent and vision to guide them, but until now, no one had been able to directly record the behavior of the foraging seabirds.
To track the birds, scientists attached lipstick-sized digital cameras, equipped with depth and temperature sensors, to the backs of four albatrosses from Bird Island off the coast of South Georgia in the Antarctic Ocean. After three foraging trips, the bird-borne cameras had captured more than 28,725 images. Although many photos were too dark to be useful — and 6,600 were obscured by feathers fluttering in front of the camera lens — the remaining images yielded a startling result.
“One surprising finding was that one of the study birds encountered a killer whale, Ornicus orca, during the course of the trip,” wrote the researchers in a paper published this week in the journal PLoS ONE. “This image showed that the killer whale broke the surface and that three other albatrosses were also apparently following the whale.”
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