Gee, I knew this didn't work as a kid

"A study of more than 1,800 patients who underwent heart bypass surgery has failed to show that prayers specially organized for their recovery had any impact, researchers said on Thursday."

(My dad died after a heart attack.)

The tattoo craze gets more ridiculous

Old posters, new warnings

My favorite knock-knock joke punchlines

"Nobel, that's why I had to knock."

"I didn't know you could yodel."

"Despair tire is flat."

"Police stop telling these terrible knock-knock jokes."

The choice of who I take with me on my first space flight just got a bit more limited

The Prime Minister of Italy molests a meter maid

Yet another reason why I am going to quit watching television

MARCH 27--Not content with humdrum stories of poverty, heartache, and distress, the producers of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" have compiled a creepy wish list of woe for the next season of the hit ABC television series, . . . And the show would also absolutely love to feature those battling skin cancer, Lou Gehrig's disease, and muscular dystrophy. Oh, and families with multiple children with Down Syndrome would be ideal, whether the kids are "either adopted or biological," the e-mail notes. And, shooting the moon, the program's "family casting director," Charisse Simonian, would love to locate a kid suffering from Progeria, the rare condition that causes rapid aging in a child (for those unaware of Progeria, the ABC e-mail helpfully describes it as "aka 'little old man disease.'") As if that terrible affliction weren't enough, Simonian is also on the hunt for a child with congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis. "This is where kids cannot feel any physical pain," she notes. But the hunt for a young victim--who will likely die before 30--will not be easy. "There are 17 known cases in US," she writes, before chirpily adding, "let me know if one is in your town!"

The Best Little Whorehouse in Florida?

Meth Lab Contaminated Properties in Montana

"DISCLAIMER: The inhabitable properties identified on this list were provided by the Montana Department of Justice to the Montana Department of Environmental Quality prior to the effective date (October 1, 2005) of notification and cleanup requirements created by House Bill 60 passed by the 2005 legislature."

Just for fun I'm going to start calling realtors, tell them I'm looking at a house they have for sale (without saying which one) and then ask them for a copy of this list.

This is scary.

The Bartender Rules

You don't read too well, do you?

A very good error message.

Welcome to the firing squad

The True Zen of Gaming is

playing "Battleship" with a six-year-old who doesn't really know how to play. She seemingly had seven ships (not five) which ranged in from one to two holes in length (not two to five.) After awhile, she decided that it was more fun to make up numbers ("10-20-fortyeleven") than to call out patterns such as, "A 5."

We both won.

I scored a 17.

She scored a number larger than God.

The coolest(?) auto rims ever?

2006 Things To Do - Visit all of Montana's Breweries

The "Bong Water Pale Ale" was not so good. The Double Hopped IPA was worth a return trip.

Three down, twelve to go.

VD Attack Plan - from Walt Disney

Want It!

Don't Shoot The Puppy

I got to level 6.

Indian Rights and Abortion

"To me, it is now a question of sovereignty," she said to me last week. "I will personally establish a Planned Parenthood clinic on my own land which is within the boundaries of the Pine Ridge Reservation where the State of South Dakota has absolutely no jurisdiction."

Nica Wolf

The Oyster Awards

“A simple solution would be to avoid untying anything and change her name to Bondage Barbie.”

And then all hell broke loose.

There is a black cat below the truck door.

More technology than I need in a jacket

Although it IS pretty cool.



With Bluetooth® Wireless Technology from Motorola, now available in the Audex™ Cargo Jacket, just link up to your Bluetooth-enabled cell phone, and cruise and converse with ease. Use the control panel on the left sleeve to take or make calls and switch songs on your iPod® without removing them from your pockets. There’s even a mini caller ID screen on the sleeve so you can avoid work on powder days. A removable control panel, detachable hood speakers and mic complete this super tech getup, and make it easy to clean your jacket.

This a cool link that searches podcasts for keywords.

Bumper Sticker of the Week

Breaking news from Iraq

According to eyewitnesses and local officials interviewed over the past 10 weeks, the civilians who died in Haditha on Nov. 19 were killed not by a roadside bomb but by the Marines themselves, who went on a rampage in the village after the attack, killing 15 unarmed Iraqis in their homes, including seven women and three children.

Further Signs of the Apocalypse

You cannot imagine the horror that lies behind this link.

Although I agree with the sentiment I'm not sure that this is how I would sell a product

2006 Things To Do - Float five different rivers

Every year I make up a list of the things I want to do in the next 12 months. This is the second of the items from my 2006 list. I'll be posting more of my list over the next several weeks.

If you want to do one of these activities together just let me know.

What you missed on St. Patrick's Day in Butte

(photo credit Dan McCarthy)

This is what Scientologists actually believe.

I had forgotten how much fun it is . . .

hanging out with lesbians and "checking out chicks."

They learned about sweater puppies and I learned some very useful things as well.

Hey Rocky, watch me pull a moose out of this passenger seat!

How fast can you add numbers?

I got a 247. It's a fun game that has a grid of numbers and you have to select and add numbers to a set amount.

I would like to point out that I was using a touchpad, not a mouse.

The South is REALLY different from Montana!

"The reason we do not have Sunday hunting in North Carolina is because Sunday is the Christian Sabbath,"

FOLLOWUP - you are allowed to hunt on Sunday if you are "in defense of his own property." I don't understand why you would HUNT in defense of your property.

Or why North Carolina apparently only allows men to hunt, given that this law was last revised in 1994.

§ 103‑2. Hunting on Sunday.
If any person shall, except in defense of his own property, hunt on Sunday, having with him a shotgun, rifle, or pistol, he shall be guilty of a Class 3 misdemeanor. Provided, that the provisions hereof shall not be applicable to military reservations, the jurisdiction of which is exclusively in the federal government, or to field trials authorized by the Wildlife Resources Commission. Wildlife protectors are granted authority to enforce the provisions of this section.

Science IS fun!

Twenty-four feet tall at its highest point and occupying 10,000 square feet, the fully-functional ride towers over the 135 eighth-graders who are its designers, builders and decorators. Students and four teachers have spent thousands of hours measuring, sawing, constructing, painting and decorating the wooden structure over the last three weeks.

Some good tips for using iTunes smart playlists.

Salmon Lake Lodge

I've driven by here 100 times. Now there's a chance to look inside (and rent it).

Nica enjoys an elk snack.

Montana population by county

How many of Montana's 56 counties have less than 5000 people?

Which county has fewer than 500 people?

Montana Population by County

Here's a trivia question - How many of Montana's 56 counties have a population of less than 5000?

Which county has less than 500 people?

Doing Business In Montana

I'm going back to the Dew Duck Inn next month and they wanted to brief me on the check-in procedure if I arrive after 10 p.m.

"Just call us and we'll tell you which room you are in and put the room key under the welcome mat outside your room."

You don't get that kind of service at the Hilton.

Five Rivers Fishing Report

Gotta love a fishing report with a sense of humor:

"Once again, we will strive to bring you accurate and honest reports straight from the river . . . and by accurate I mean completed and by honest I mean black coffe induced and by river I mean pool halls or wherever we've been."

"Blackfoot 3/15/2006
The fishing up here would be GREAT right now if it weren't so terrible. Still a case of real winter up the Blackfoot Valley these days. Let the polar bears and penquins migrate back north before you consider this one."

"Missouri 3/15/2006
Holding a frosty Moose Drool in your boat without mittens is going to be a frosty affair on the Mo today."

If they keep it up to date I plan to start visiting this site a lot.

Wolves? return to eastern Montana

Suspicions are running high in this tiny community on the high plains, a place where agriculture supports almost everybody in one way or another.

One man asked FWP officials if they had planted the wolves.

"Absolutely not true," said Bryce Christensen, regional manager for FWP.

Others in the crowd accused officials from the nearby Charles M. Russell Wildlife Refuge of planting wolves.

Why "Garfield" Sucks.

I have always hated, "Garfield".

It's stupid and predictable. I'm glad that the link explains why - it is the same strips but without any dialogue from Garfield.

Turn Your Head

Pricey, but a gift to remember.

I learned a new foosball trick today.

Yeah, right.

Programming Language Inventor or Serial Killer?

I scored 7/10.

Not because I'm a geek but because I've read many books on serial killers.

Don't worry - I minored in criminology on my bachelor's degree.

Billings' Empire Bar closes

I had a few interesting nights at the Empire when I lived in Billings:

5. A biker, a wolf and the first Indian to be elected to the Cowboy Hall of Fame.
4. Watching Brett get his beer stolen 4x when he turned his back on it.
3. Ending up going down Montana Avenue at 75 mph in the back seat of an LTD while rolling a left-handed cigarette. So the grandmother sitting in the front passenger seat could smoke it.
2. Having to leave after the bartender maced a patron at the door. The night before the bartender had been shot so he was little jumpy.
1. You're just going to have to ask me or Paul about his bachelor party.

The Top 10 Best Alarm Clocks

From Thanksgiving to the end of January I could use two to three of these scattered around the house.

Remember that wrecked Ferrari and the fishy story?

The story gets more interesting.

A Good Read

At the outbreak of WWI, one strategy of the allies was to isolate and control German East Africa. Germany had had the foresight to place some armed boats on Lake Tanganyika, which effectively controlled all transportation in East Africa. The very peculiar British naval officer Geoffrey Spicer-Simpson was directed to take Mimi and Toutou, two forty-foot gunboats, overland from South Africa to the lake and defeat a fleet of German steamers. Spicer-Simpson went into battle wearing a skirt, was worshipped as a god by the Holo Holo tribe, entirely alienated his subordinates, and more or less succeeded in reducing the German naval presence through a combination of effective military action and slapstick. The events that transpired were eventually transmogrified into The African Queen (first the book by C.S. Forester, then the movie), though being significantly changed in the process. Highly entertaining analysis of a mostly forgotten episode in the Great War. Foden's mix of colorful characters, hubris, pluck, and idiocy is well worth reading.

So where the bloody hell are you?

This commercial was banned in Britian.

It makes ME want to run out, buy a plane ticket and move there with my dog.

Bird Flu Is Coming

Spread by robins, crows and geese just to name a few.

Really cool or just stupid?

Be careful what you watch.

Today's Meditation

A Buddhist monk walks up to an ice cream vender and says, "Give me a scoop of vanilla."





(It's an ice cream koan.)

Do you just tear up and throw away unwanted credit card solicitations?

If you do, you might want to read this.

A Great Chinese Restaurant

4th Amendment Tape

Thomas Kincaide - Painter of Light or Bullshit Artist?

(from a Photoshop contest)

Presidential Diseases

From George Washington's toothlessness (he has no teeth left by middle age), to Grover Cleveland's gout, to Franklin D. Roosevelt's polio, to Ronald Reagan's Alzheimer disease, and finally to George W. Bush's colon polyps, presidents throughout history suffer from the same diseases and ailments like the rest of us.

Find out what diseases you have in common with the leaders of the free world!

Your Privacy Is Further Invaded By The Internet

Go ahead, enter your home address.

(This does not work with the Safari Browser or in Montana other than Yellowstone and Missoula counties.)

So I'm driving this car . . .

Cool car ad.

The Simpsons

I've seen this a thousand times but never in real life.

Some kids will be getting this as a present

Because I want to play with it too.

7th Grade Basketball

I went to Bozeman to watch the "Waterboys" play basketball. It was a pleasure to watch a game that didn't have a foul every 5 seconds and wasn't interrupted by commercials.

On the down side, Nica ate my lunch.

Literally.

I left her in the truck with half a sandwich wrapped in a napkin that I had tucked underneath the seat. When I came back to the truck after a game the napkin was neatly unfolded on my seat and the sandwich was gone.

Today's Meditation

One day Chuang Tzu and a friend were walking by a river. "Look at the fish swimming about," said Chuang Tzu, "They are really enjoying themselves."

"You are not a fish," replied the friend, "So you can't truly know that they are enjoying themselves."

"You are not me," said Chuang Tzu. "So how do you know that I do not know that the fish are enjoying themselves?"

A bike, a bomb and a band.

The sticker on the bike chained outside the university-owned Oasis restaurant near the center of campus attracted the attention of a police officer about 5:30 a.m., spokesman Jack Jeffery said.

Religious discrimination in the armed forces

"Sherman, set the Wayback Machine to 1982."

Rick Springfield is back on General Hospital.

It's Bigfoot Hunting Season

Bigfoot is worth $150
The Wiley Wild Rainiers are worth $75 each
This is the 12th year of the hunt.


Aside from the Post Office, the gas station and the two tractor tires planted with petunias, Stoners IS "beautiful downtown Elliston". It's the kind of town where you can hold your breath from one end of the city limits to the other.

And not even breathe hard when you let your breath out.

Fishing the Clark Fork

Conrad Burns - Idiot

You would think his press spokesman would get tired of saying things like:

‘‘It’s a little joke he likes to use.’’

‘‘He was kidding about vigilante justice,’’