I want this keyboard

Since I work with kids, I need this. Because monochrome keyboards are boring.

Bird Flu Claims First U.S. Victim

This is an odd and frightening idea.

ORFORD, N.H. - The one-room cabin David Bischoff built in a cow pasture three years ago has no electricity, no running water, no phone service and no driveway. What it does have is a wide-open view of nearby hills and distant mountains — which makes it seven times more valuable than if it had no view, according to the latest townwide property assessment. He expects his property taxes to shoot up accordingly.

This is a nice ad

It breaks a rule by giving you no idea what the product is, but it's still nice to watch.

Nasa Video

Yes, this really is a NASA video:

"A ballerina gracefully dances on a small stage. She is followed not by a male partner, but by a robotic arm manipulator that seems to sense her every move. For NASA Goddard technologist Vladimir Lumelsky, the performance shows the future of robotics."

But before you watch it I want to say just one thing.

"Penis."

Powerful Advertising

Watch the first video. You may have to listen to it twice to figure out the accents.

This is an incredible advertisement for education for all kids.

If Fox News had been around throughout history

I am amazed at the number of hotels I stay in that have Fox News on their lobby TV.

You Knit What?

Take a stroll through the archives.

"It makes me want to hurl.
It makes me want to scoop my eyeballs out with a teaspoon and end my misery.
It makes me wonder who thought it was a good idea to make yarn that looks like cat vomit.
It makes me wonder who the hell would actually wear that."

50 years of hunting, 50 years of great stories

“I heard a sound, looked up in the rocks and here’s a huge bear standing up there. So I automatically put the bead on his throat and pulled the trigger, and down the bugger went. Three times I shot him with my Winchester .32 caliber special carbine, three times he went down and then stood up again. I missed him the fourth time when he took off through the timber, but hit him behind the ear with the fifth shot.

Cool Food Embossers

I want one that says, "Antidote - $20".

The Polio Comic

Click on the PDF to download.

This is a good example of how learning CAN be fun.

My New Ride

1999 Pontiac Sunfire GT

Purchased from Troy Gary Auto Sales

It's sweeeet!

I'm going to put up a Christmas decoration this year

And if I feel particularly evil I'll give it a red nose.

Which mask should I buy?

I hate being a corporate shill but, well, they are kind of creepy cool.

Mad magazine covers

Roll your mouse over the page to see the various covers enlarge.

A little bit of nostalgia.

Last Year's Halloween Pumpkin

I just couldn't get into Halloween last year.

Extremepumpkins.com

Last year a friend had to pick me up before sunrise. I lit up both pumpkins I had carved to light the way to my house.

Later that day when we were teaching a class she explained that the differences in our world view could be explained by the fact that she carved happy pumpkins and mine were very odd mutants. (which is true - I like pumpkins that make people go "Ew!")

This site gave me some ideas for this year.

What to do about urban deer

"Basic female deer anatomy (or lack thereof) makes the Deer IUD and Deer Diaphragm impractical, and Deer Spermicide foam holds little hope because it has to be used just before mating—every time, of course, which could run into a lot of foam. Besides, foam has only proved effective when bucks also wear condoms."

Something that I should have been told 7 miles, 1400 feet and 30 minutes earlier

Not that I failed to notice once I got there.

Do you like beer?

Yum, yum, yum! Look at that great big frothy glass in Toi's hand. Wouldn't you just LOVE IT if a beautiful girl in a freaky cleavage-poppin' Oktoberfest outfit handed you a nice icy cold beer RIGHT NOW? Mmm, beer! Would you still drink it if . . .

A very good movie

Turn your sound off unless you like annoying French music.

For ~K

A very interesting due process case

"A Florida court will hear arguments on Friday in a case where the accuracy of a breathalyser is being scrutinised because the manufacturer has refused to release the source code."

If the breathalyser machine is your "accuser", should you have the right to examine it's source code to ensure that it is accurate?

Or can the source code be withheld from you because it is a "trade secret"?

It's probably a good thing I don't have kids. Part II

Although I am not a Star War's fan, this is a great kid picture.

I laughed, but I don't know why.

If I had one of these, I might actually take a bath.



Be nice. You know what I mean.

On the way to Kalispell

It's a controlled burn.

A really, really bad brand name. Especially for a disability product.

"Have you been dreaming of that unique custom wheelchair that would not cost you an arm and a leg? "

Er, actually, that's why some people use a wheelchair. It Literally DID cost them an arm and a leg to get in that chair.

Has this artwork gone too far?

Called Snow White And The Madness Of Truth, the installation features a photo of Hanadi Jaradat, a 29-year-old trainee lawyer who blew up herself and 19 Israelis in a Haifa restaurant in October.

The work is accompanied by a piece of Bach music entitled My Heart Is Swimming In Blood.

I found out how to make money off my dog

. . . the company behind the innovative form of advertising is appealing for owners of larger dogs to register their pooches for future "dogverts".

Nica probably wouldn't be good advertising for obedience school. Maybe for running shoes or "Deer B Gone" spray.

David Copperfield to 'magic' girl pregnant

1. The last time this happened there was a star in the east and three wise men.
2. Yeah, that's how my sister told my mom it happened.
3. This guy is wacko.
4. Didn't Michael Jackson already do this? Twice?

God DOES have a sense of humor

The cover photo on the latest issue of Patrick Buchanan's American Conservative magazine, bearing the cover line "After the Storm," is not that much different from many of the pictures coming out of the hurricane-stricken areas of the South. It shows a family of four children slogging through knee-deep water with two adult women. However, the "woman" on the far right is none other than well-known New Orleans drag queen and bartender Jack "Lady Charles" Nicholson.

Kara Hopkins, the magazine's executive editor, had no explanation other than "it was a good photo."

Bad Dog!

A message board I'm on recently held a contest for the worst "Bad Dog" pun.

You have been warned.

My two rottweillers, Abing and Aboom, started a protection racket in the neighbourhood, forcing other dogs to surrender a portion of their food and chewable toys in exchange for being left well alone. They carry out their operations with, I hate to admit, a certain degree of panache and swagger, vaguely reminiscent of a particular flavour of organised crime.
Bad Abing! Bad Aboom!

My dog Jur yanked free of his leash and started trying to dig up a burrowing woodland creature.
Bad Jur!

My dog, Minton, recently chewed up my favourite shuttlecock.
Bad Minton!

I bought a dog, and he was a hopeless misbehaver. He chewed up the furniture, he crapped on the carpet, and he bit the UPS lady. We got thrown out of obedience school after he started a brawl. I was ready to have him put to sleep, but my vet suggested I take him to the Oral Roberts Dog Obedience School. So I called 'em. They promised that, if I'd give them $500 and three weeks, they'd give me back a perfectly behaved dog. I was desperate, and I gave them the money and the dog.

Three weeks later, the ORDOS van pulled up in my driveway. The trainer got out, and he handed me a card with all the commands my dog would obey. He opened the side door, and my dog, perfectly groomed, stepped out with a little mortarboard on his furry noggin. I said, "down," and he laid down, watching me. I threw a tennis ball, and I said, "fetch." He dashed to the ball and brought it back, dropping it in my hand. The trainer left, and I was still not convinced. I told him, "Sit. Stay," and he did. I got in my truck, and I went to the drugstore to get some naproxen. When I got back, he had not moved an inch. I thought, "This is great! We'll go for a walk." I put a leash on him, and I said, "heel." His eyes widened. He rose up on his hind legs, he put a paw on my head, and he said, "Heeeeeeal!"

Trapped moose baffles would-be rescuers

"All I saw was it going over the side, and I wasn't sure what -- 'Holy cow! This sucker's going to go to the bottom,'?" Howlett said Friday. The moose had been running when it popped out of the brush and went over the edge, he said.
"We were kind of horrified. My wife got a short glimpse of it," Howlett said. They did not see it land on the bluff. They circled back, expecting to see the moose on the beach, but instead found it on the steep slope about halfway down.

Interesting Court Case

Detroit, Michigan (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Detroit Lions, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

This time of year, I can get up before sunrise.

Mutant Kitty

This would freak me out.

Want it!

This is a very cool fireplace and I want one in my bathroom.

Weather Bulletin from Montana and North Dakota

Up here in the Northern Plains we just recovered from a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" with a historic
blizzard of up to 24" inches of snow and winds to 50 MPH that broke trees in half, stranded hundreds of motorist in lethal snow banks, closed all roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to tens of thousands.

George Bush did not come....FEMA staged nothing....no one howled for the government...no one uttered an expletive on TV...nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards.....no one asked for a FEMA Trailer House....no news anchors moved in.

We just melted snow for water, sent out caravans to pluck people out of snow engulfed cars, fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Aladdin lamps and put on an extra layer of clothes.

Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this early...we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves.

Everybody is fine.

Iraq Car Bomb Video

This is scary.

Damn foreigners and their lack of humor

You know that at the time this probably seemed real funny. If you were holding the chain saw.

UM forestry students apologize to band

MISSOULA — Forestry students at the University of Montana have apologized to a visiting Japanese marching band after some residents complained they had threatened band members with chain saws during UM's homecoming parade.

The Forestry Student Association's float was behind the Senshu University Tamana Senior High School Drum and Brass Crops from Kumamoto, Japan, during the Oct. 1 parade.

As thousands watched, some members of the forestry group crowded the rear of the visiting band, brandishing and intimidating its members with chain saws, minus the chains. The group has used chain saws in its floats for years, razzing parade entries in front of them and residents who line the parade route.

Bet on Jesus

If someone brought these out at a poker game I would make very, very sure to tell them that bluffing is the same as lying in the eyes of Jesus.

And then, because I am not a Christian, I would lie, lie, lie and take all of their money.

Because that's what poker is all about.

Collectis - Automated Boar Collection System

(movie)

I don't know where to start:

1. It's pigs. They collect "stuff" from the male pigs. It's probably NSFW.
2. It's like the MTV version of an industrial film. Cool music, good editing, etc.
3. Did I mention what it's about?
4. We used to play a game on road trips - "Worst Jobs To Do With A Tequila Hangover". This job would make the top 10.
5. Ewwww.

Dan caught a fat 19 inch rainbow on the Missouri

We spent our Columbus Day holiday floating the Missouri, catching fish and eating ham sandwiches on a fallen log while staring at the Tobacco Root mountains in the distance and listening to cranes and geese.

Hope you had a good holiday too.

I always hated those little blue things

The short film pulls no punches. It opens with the Smurfs dancing, hand-in-hand, around a campfire and singing the Smurf song. Bluebirds flutter past and rabbits gambol around their familiar village of mushroom- shaped houses until, without warning, bombs begin to rain from the sky.

A Bad Day Fishing Is Better Than A Good Day At Work

Well, not always.

"I was fishing when the line got snagged on something and as I pulled it, I just felt something hit me on the face and knock me to the floor," said Mr Williams.

"To be honest, I didn't know what had happened, but when I put my hands to my face they were covered in blood."

Complete with x-ray goodness.

Driving to work this morning

The Ig Nobel Awards are out!

The 2005 Ig Nobel Prize Winners

The 2005 Ig Nobel Prizes were awarded on Thursday evening, October 6, at the 15th First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, at Harvard's Sanders Theatre. You can watch archived video of the live webcast.

AGRICULTURAL HISTORY: James Watson of Massey University, New Zealand, for his scholarly study, "The Significance of Mr. Richard Buckley’s Exploding Trousers."
REFERENCE: "The Significance of Mr. Richard Buckley’s Exploding Trousers: Reflections on an Aspect of Technological Change in New Zealand Dairy-Farming between the World Wars," James Watson, Agricultural History, vol. 78, no. 3, Summer 2004, pp. 346-60.

PHYSICS: John Mainstone and the late Thomas Parnell of the University of Queensland, Australia, for patiently conducting an experiment that began in the year 1927 -- in which a glob of congealed black tar has been slowly, slowly dripping through a funnel, at a rate of approximately one drop every nine years.

MEDICINE: Gregg A. Miller of Oak Grove, Missouri, for inventing Neuticles -- artificial replacement testicles for dogs, which are available in three sizes, and three degrees of firmness.
REFERENCES: US Patent #5868140, and the book Going Going NUTS!, by Gregg A. Miller, PublishAmerica, 2004, ISBN 1413753167.

LITERATURE: The Internet entrepreneurs of Nigeria, for creating and then using e-mail to distribute a bold series of short stories, thus introducing millions of readers to a cast of rich characters -- General Sani Abacha, Mrs. Mariam Sanni Abacha, Barrister Jon A Mbeki Esq., and others -- each of whom requires just a small amount of expense money so as to obtain access to the great wealth to which they are entitled and which they would like to share with the kind person who assists them.


ECONOMICS: Gauri Nanda of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, for inventing an alarm clock that runs away and hides, repeatedly, thus ensuring that people DO get out of bed, and thus theoretically adding many productive hours to the workday.

CHEMISTRY: Edward Cussler of the University of Minnesota and Brian Gettelfinger of the University of Minnesota and the University of Wisconsin, for conducting a careful experiment to settle the longstanding scientific question: can people swim faster in syrup or in water?
REFERENCE: "Will Humans Swim Faster or Slower in Syrup?" American Institute of Chemical Engineers Journal, Brian Gettelfinger and E. L. Cussler, vol. 50, no. 11, October 2004, pp. 2646-7.

FLUID DYNAMICS: Victor Benno Meyer-Rochow of International University Bremen, Germany and the University of Oulu , Finland; and Jozsef Gal of Loránd Eötvös University, Hungary, for using basic principles of physics to calculate the pressure that builds up inside a penguin, as detailed in their report "Pressures Produced When Penguins Pooh -- Calculations on Avian Defaecation."

Dolphins sing 'Batman' theme

Well, it's an easy one to remember the lyric.

It's probably a good thing I never had kids

Looking like an old-fashioned comedy hand grenade, the Sonic Alarm will wake pretty well anything up. Simply pull the pin, yell an emphatic "fire in the hole" and lob the grenade into the sleeper's room. After ten seconds a very annoying and piercingly loud noise (there are three volume settings) will blast out from the alarm. That's not all however, what makes this especially great is that to stop the alarm the sleeper has to find you so you can put the pin back in.

If anyone is looking for my Christmas gift . . .

Handmade Knit Men`s SOCKS (WOOL DOG 100%)
High quality cheap cannot be.

A nice walk in the woods today

Even nicer because I kept Nica on a leash so she didn't get to go chase the elk we saw.

I Guess I Never Looked At It That Way

Here's a movie you may have seen, in a way that you may not have thought about it.