Damn You Autocorrect!

This came though our office email, referring to a retirement party last week:

“Sorry for the incontinence the Tea Party pictures are now up and on Share”

I would rather apologize for an inconvenience than apologize for being incontinent.

Where were you on May 14th?

How the word Boob was created.

Yes they are!

Is it a wolf? That's what NBC thought when talking to Trevon.

Catching up on posting

Want It!

Perhaps one of the worst opening lines ever written.

“I vividly remember this adventure my mom took us on! My oldest son was only a few weeks old when we embarked on this thrilling journey. Sharing with prisoners our music, comedy, inspiration and my chronically leaking breasts!”

Qoute

It is said that babies learn language in order to tell the stories that are already in them.

A Poem

A

WOMAN'S POEM:

Before

I lay me down to sleep,

I

pray for a man, who's not a creep,

One

who's handsome, smart and strong.

One

who loves to listen long,

One

who thinks before he speaks,

One

who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I

pray he's gainfully employed,

When

I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls

out my chair and opens my door.

Massages

my back and begs to do more.

Oh!

Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

Knows

what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'

I

pray that this man will love me to no end,

And

always be my very best friend.

A

MAN'S POEM:

I

pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniaccontortionist

with

huge

boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,

and

loves to send me fishing and drinking. This

doesn't

rhyme and I don't give a shit.

The

End

My New Favorite Song

Had a Wop Chop and picked up the special for dinner this weekend.

Slo-mo Jello Cubes

Map of the U.S. A.

Viva Las Vegas

"If you can't make it across this line go next door"

Trump compares same-sex marriage to long putters

Two of the most surprising news makers of the past month have been apparent presidential candidate Donald Trump and the formerly maligned and newly popular long putter. According to The New York Times, when asked about his opinions on same-sex marriage on Monday, the Trumpster (an avid golfer) managed to make those two worlds collide with a decidedly mixed metaphor:

“It’s like in golf,” he said. “A lot of people—I don’t want this to sound trivial—but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive,” said Mr. Trump, a Republican. “It’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.”

A note to Mr. Trump: If you have to use the phrase "I don't want this to sound trivial," you're probably about to say something that sounds trivial.

Mac People vs. PC People

A Joke

Michael and Larry got married in California ..
They couldn't afford a honeymoon so they go back to Michael's Mom and Dad's house in Corner Brook for their first married night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Michael's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Michael and Larry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Michael and Larry up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school '

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Michael and Larry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'

He says: 'Last night Michael came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...... I gave him my airplane glue.'

Best Children's Book Ever?

"This is the most honest children's book ever written. And it's f*cking hilarious."—A.J. Jacobs, author of The Year of Living Biblically

"Total genius."—Jonathan Lethem, author of Motherless Brooklyn

Go the Fuck To Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don't always send a toddler sailing off to dreamland. Honest, profane, and affectionate, Adam Mansbach's verses and Ricardo Cortés' illustrations perfectly capture the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night, and open up a conversation about parenting in the process. Beautiful, subversive, and pants-wettingly funny, Go the Fuck to Sleep is a perfect gift for parents new, old, or expectant. Here is a sample verse:

The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear
Please go the fuck to sleep.

DADS: THE ORIGINAL HIPSTERS

Your dad rode a skateboard before you did and he has a picture in Thrasher to prove it. When your dad was younger, skateboarding was so underground that he had to build his own boards. The cops didn’t know what to do with this new shit kicking menace to the middle class, so they made skateboarding illegal. So hipster, next time you’re rolling down the bike lane of some hipster neighborhood in SF, Portland or New York, remember this…

Your dad was so fucking gnar and awesome that the things he did for fun were made illegal in public places.