Monday, March 31, 2008
The Five Minute Management Course, Lesson 1
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob, the next-door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great!' the husband says. 'Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob, the next-door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great!' the husband says. 'Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Funny Customer Service Email
I buy South Park through iTunes. I forgot about the episode title when writing about a problem with a download. Here's part of the email I received from Apple:
"Dear Doug,
I'm sorry to hear that you did not receive "Major Boobage".
Sincerely,
Barbara
iTunes Store Customer Support"
I hope Barbara smiled as much writing the email as I did when reading it.
"Dear Doug,
I'm sorry to hear that you did not receive "Major Boobage".
Sincerely,
Barbara
iTunes Store Customer Support"
I hope Barbara smiled as much writing the email as I did when reading it.
Did this happen in 1897, 1946 or last month?
Jeanne Hobbs wanted financial assistance from her tribe to get her roof fixed.
She was told no money existed.
Next, a tribal officer arrived at her doorstep intent on enforcing a new ordinance on the Rocky Boy’s Reservation in Montana that allowed the tribe to seize personal property — including homes, cows and computers — if a person had allegedly made defamatory remarks about a tribal leader.
If the accused was found guilty, the tribe could sell the property, banish the citizen from the reservation for up to five years and levy a $5,000 fine.
A second offense could lead to “relinquishment of enrollment” and a permanent ban from the reservation.
Banned citizens would be considered “legally dead and a nonentity with no civil rights,” nor could they “come before the courts of the tribe for any reason.”
She was told no money existed.
Next, a tribal officer arrived at her doorstep intent on enforcing a new ordinance on the Rocky Boy’s Reservation in Montana that allowed the tribe to seize personal property — including homes, cows and computers — if a person had allegedly made defamatory remarks about a tribal leader.
If the accused was found guilty, the tribe could sell the property, banish the citizen from the reservation for up to five years and levy a $5,000 fine.
A second offense could lead to “relinquishment of enrollment” and a permanent ban from the reservation.
Banned citizens would be considered “legally dead and a nonentity with no civil rights,” nor could they “come before the courts of the tribe for any reason.”
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Science News - It has four heads
A new paper about the reproductive behaviour of the spiny anteater, to be published in the December issue of American Naturalist, makes for fascinating - if slightly disturbing - reading.
The spiny anteater (Tachyglossuss aculeatus) is a primitive mammal with an unusual four-headed penis. The animal is difficult to observe in the wild, and does not readily copulate when in captivity, so exactly how the male uses its penis was a mystery.
(NSFW - video contains the word, "penis" and has pictures thereof.)
Damn, it looks like something from the movie, "Alien."
The spiny anteater (Tachyglossuss aculeatus) is a primitive mammal with an unusual four-headed penis. The animal is difficult to observe in the wild, and does not readily copulate when in captivity, so exactly how the male uses its penis was a mystery.
(NSFW - video contains the word, "penis" and has pictures thereof.)
Damn, it looks like something from the movie, "Alien."
A Golf Joke
'The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
>
> 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded.
>
> 'Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'
>
> The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'
>
> Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
>
> 'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'
>
> She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
>
> Patrick reaches into his pocket and says , 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'
>
> Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
>
> 'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?'
>
> She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'
>
> The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yerself up a bit.
>
> 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded.
>
> 'Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'
>
> The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'
>
> Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
>
> 'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'
>
> She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
>
> Patrick reaches into his pocket and says , 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'
>
> Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
>
> 'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?'
>
> She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'
>
> The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yerself up a bit.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Hillary's Flimsy Case
"Nobody in American history has ever been better than the Clintons at calculating the electoral math of resentment, paranoia, media aggression and just flat-out, back-alley nastiness. Every day, the Clintons come up with some new and brilliantly devious way to color the subliminal background of the electoral canvas, from using comparisons to Jesse Jackson to buttonhole Obama as a "black candidate," to floating rumors of an "unstoppable" Hillary-Obama ticket —despite the fact that Hillary would rather eat a KFC bucket full of her own shit than run with Obama —in order to con on-the-fence voters into thinking that a vote for Hillary might also be a vote for Obama.
That's why it seemed so weirdly appropriate that Samantha "she's a monster" Power was forced to resign from the Obama campaign, while Gerry Ferraro could all but call Obama a nigger and then claim that she was the victim of discrimination.
That's why it seemed so weirdly appropriate that Samantha "she's a monster" Power was forced to resign from the Obama campaign, while Gerry Ferraro could all but call Obama a nigger and then claim that she was the victim of discrimination.
Interesting Bit of Military History
Over the last half-century, the Paul E. Garber Preservation, Restoration and Storage Facility in Suitland, Maryland, has restored some of the rarest and most important aircraft in history: a Northrop Flying Wing, the B-29 that bombed Hiroshima, a World War I-era Nieuport 28C fighter. The Garber complex has played as crucial a role in preserving aerospace history as its spiffier counterparts, the National Air and Space Museum on the Washington, D.C. Mall and the Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center in Virginia. But in some ways, Garber is also like the Land of the Misfit Toys. Dark, dusty hangars house broken, battered pieces of equipment and aircraft waiting—often for years—for their moment to be brought back to life.
When the time comes, each aircraft is hauled out and taken apart, often down to the tiniest screw, and that is how the restoration team ends up discovering stowaways—unexpected objects hidden in nooks and crannies, sometimes dating back to the earliest days of the aircraft.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
A joke
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow air out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Stuff White People Like
“Wil Shipley, a Seattle software developer, uses his iPhone at the Whole Foods fish counter to check websites for updates on which seafood is the most environmentally correct to purchase. He quizzes the staff on where and how a fish was caught. Because he carries the Internet with him, “I can be super-picky,” he said.”
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