Saturday, December 13, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
A Christmas song I can remember all the lyrics to.
It's not so much that the familiar renditions of holiday songs are awful, it's that the familiarity breeds contempt. I like Springsteen's "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" but hearing it three times an hour from Thanksgiving to Christmas for the last quarter-century kind of wears it out.
The Geography of Men and Women
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered,
half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe , well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but
still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a
glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving,
but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet , wildly beautiful, with a
mysterious past an d the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts....
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered,
half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe , well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but
still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a
glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving,
but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet , wildly beautiful, with a
mysterious past an d the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts....
A Joke
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.
He did and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his "private part" hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."
He did and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his "private part" hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."
Why we put the angel on top of the Christmas tree.
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip... but there were problems everywhere.
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit.
This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree?
Where would you like me to stick it?"
And thus began the tradition of sticking the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit.
This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree?
Where would you like me to stick it?"
And thus began the tradition of sticking the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
How to be really, really stupid.
PONTIAC, Mich. — A medical examiner's office in Michigan has canceled public school tours after a high school group watched the autopsy of a 14-year-old girl from their district.
The Detroit News reports Monday that Oakland County officials decided to stop the tours in Pontiac after they were contacted by the girl's parents, who were very upset about the March tour.
Mike Zehnder, the county's director of public services, says it was "a poor decision" to let the tour go on.
The newspaper reports the teacher who brought in the Waterford Kettering High School group was told the autopsy would be of a Waterford middle school student and discussed that with students.
Nine Inch Nails - an awesome concert
The link cannot show the coolness that was their "light show". For those of us that saw it, there is no way to adequately describe it.
You know you stay in the same hotel alot when . . .
you are greeted by name by:
the desk clerk
the day bartender
the night bartender
the wireless network.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Monday, December 08, 2008
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Brilliant!
Visual Tension Indication
SmartBolts® is the only tension indicating fastener system featuring an eye-catching visual indication of a potentially dangerous condition, obvious even from a distance and in moving machinery.
Saturday, December 06, 2008
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