No!

Spiderman Pinata

Baby Got Back

The Republican War on Women

Step On A Crack

The Weather Balloon Project

How did a $69 weather balloon, a $5 dollar Styrofoam cooler and a digital camera get from downtown Oakland, California, to hover 90,000 feet above the Bay Area region?

Engineering students at Youth Radio (Turnstyle’s parent company) took those materials and created a weather balloon with a cooler attached with a camera inside. The camera took shots above through a hole drilled in the cooler.

The weather balloon was floated into “near space,” the region of Earth’s atmosphere that lies between 65,000 and 350,000 feet above sea level.

Bungee Jumping In A Wheelchair

Soon!

God hates facts. - Westboro Baptist Church Reference

Planned Parenthood

TSA Grope and Pillage

Behind the Rialto Bar

WHAT YOUR FAVORITE CLASSIC ROCK BAND SAYS ABOUT YOU.

The Doors: You have been bitten by an animal while trying to get it stoned.

Led Zeppelin: The first three things you smoked were banana peels, catnip, and poppies, in that order.

Jimi Hendrix: You are under 20 or over 65.

The Eagles: You can only reach orgasm while listening to talk radio.

Allman Brothers Band: You do not own a bong, but can quickly make one from a piece of fruit or an abandoned toilet.

Journey: You own those running shoes that are shaped like feet.

Lynyrd Skynyrd: You somehow have both long hair and a sunburned scalp.

Fleetwood Mac: You have snorted cocaine off a copy of The Hobbit.

Practicing for Chico + What a whiskey-bottling line looks like in Montana

Ouch!

A Best Friend

The Man Who Broke Atlantic City

Don Johnson won nearly $6 million playing blackjack in one night, single-handedly decimating the monthly revenue of Atlantic City’s Tropicana casino. Not long before that, he’d taken the Borgata for $5 million and Caesars for $4 million. Here’s how he did it.

How To Change Your Oil

Oil Change instructions for Women:


1. Pull up to GM Dealership when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change:$24.00

Coffee: Complementary

TOTAL: $24.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, and use your debit card for $50.00.

2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19. Remember drain plug from step 11.

20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21. Drink beer.

22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25. Begin cussing fit.

26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.

28. Beer.

29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30. Beer.

31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32. Beer.

33. Lower truck from jack stands.

34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35. Beer.

36. Test drive truck.

37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38. Truck gets impounded.

39. Call loving wife, make bail.

40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts: $50.00

DUI: $2,500.00

Impound fee: $75.00

Bail: $1,500.00

Beer: $20.00

TOTAL: $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!

Introducing

Want It!

The French Government Wants To Tone My Vagina

Last week I began re-educating my vagina.

Let me explain: I live in France.

Shortly after my husband and I moved to Paris, I became pregnant, which was a relief, because I would get fat for a legitimate biological reason, not just because of all the pain au chocolat. When I gave birth to our daughter last November, my husband and I spent five government-sponsored days in the maternity ward at Clinique Leonardo Da Vinci, where we learned that French hospital meals come with a cheese course and that as part of my postpartum treatment I would be prescribed 10 to 20 sessions of la rééducation périnéale. This is a kind of physical therapy designed to retrain the muscles of the pelvic floor, including the vagina, and is one of the cornerstones of French postnatal care. Two months after our daughter was born, I summoned the courage to teach my vagina some new tricks.

(Best comment - That does it. From now on I'm calling it my "Haussmanian soufflé."

Now just TRY to get "Voulez-vous soufflez avec moi, ce soir?" out of your head.)

That's Nice.

Today I taught a workshop on communication for kids with autism. As part of the workshop I ask people to answer the following question on a 3-5 card and pass it in. The question is:

"If you could only say four things for the rest of your life, what would you want to say?"

(Think about your answers.)

50% of the cards included the phrase, "I love you."

43% included the phrase, "Where's the bathroom?"

Other notable responses:

"It is important that I get a good haircut and color regularly."

"Which way to the beach?" - Interesting, because we were in Missoula.

"Two more beers, please."

"Give me all your money."

"I need you to love me."

"Have I offended you somehow?"

"I'm sorry."

"Do you serve alcohol?"

"Where's the remote?" Two cards had this!

"Only once in the long history of "Doonesbury" has Garry Trudeau’s syndicate ever intensely objected to one of his story arcs. It was 1985, a documentary purporting to show the reactions of a fetus had been released, and Trudeau satirized the film "The Silent Scream" with his own “prequel" strips featuring “little Timmy,” a 12-minute-old embryo. Those strips never saw wide release in newspapers. Now, Trudeau has decided to take on the abortion wars head-on for the first time in "Doonesbury’s" four decades in a series of strips depicting mandatory vaginal ultrasounds as rape.

Click to view the strips.

Who Said It?

The Geography of Goberment Benefits

A Nice Fish

Sign at the bar at Quinn's Hot Springs

"Family Friendly Until 10 p.m."

I had this vision that at 10:01 p.m. the last child/family would walk out and then . . .

The piano player would sit down and start playing some great music;

The women would jump up on the stage and begin dancing the Can-Can like something out of an old Western movie;

Somebody would shout, "Whiskey for everybody!" and the barkeep would be running up and down the bar pouring shots and leaving bottles of whiskey on the bar;

Everyone would start cursing;

Several fist fights would break out and there would be chairs and bottles flying through the air;

A card game would start at the table, then someone would call someone else a cheat and there would be gun play.

But it really wasn't like that.

Darn!

A Joke

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all of his own. He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, a stunning young blonde lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with Him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears?!?!?'

'Look at these breasts; they are a full 39 inches and 100% natural.

I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid.

I have a 28 inch waist.

Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere.

How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered ....

'Outside,.... when you said you.......heard someone coming.......that was me..

Been there, done that with my dog.

I'm going to put this up all over my neighborhood. And on one tree on Mt. Ascencion.

Which Pasta Shape Goes with Which Sauce?

One Thousand Stars

A caving adventure stopped by the potential of an ice fall on a warm day.

Are you part of Jesus' Plan?

I MIss Kansas

Stuff

WHAT IF MALE SUPERHEROES’ COSTUMES WERE DESIGNED LIKE FEMALE SUPERHEROES’ COSTUMES?

What does it feel like to have your spouse die?

New Josh Ritter Video

For starters, I think more teenagers should be fitted with shock collars. Read more: http://mtstandard.com/sports/tap-er-light-shocking-turn-of-event

For starters, I think more teenagers should be fitted with shock collars.
Seriously, other than a little shock, the "victim" had no visible signs of injury and didn't require medical attention.
Think about it for a second. K9s - dogs for the layperson - have to endure similar shocks every day, and the average dog can't handle the trauma of a person saying, "What's on the roof, boy? What's on the roof?"
Believe me, a 17-year-old athlete can handle just about anything a your poodle can.
In fact, since the dog doesn't understand exactly who or what is shocking him, the shock from a collar isn't nearly as distressful as being smacked on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.
Would you be so outraged if the Billings Senior player was bopped on the nose with The Billings Gazette? No way.
Likewise, it wouldn't be a huge deal if parents and coaches were allowed to use shock collars on the children as well.
Actually, coaches should be allowed to use shock collars on parents. That, though, is a column for another day.


Read more: http://mtstandard.com/sports/tap-er-light-shocking-turn-of-events/article_aca48454-5c32-11e1-a961-001871e3ce6c.html#ixzz1nVHIWQPT

A Joke

Tom feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.'Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response..

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

'For Gods sake, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'

Americans love Hawaii, dislike California

We're number 6! We're number 6!

street trial et dirt backflip vintage ladies bike mickael dupont

The Be Good Tanyas - Human Thing

Pills

My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those tablets that 'help' get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!

I'm still looking for a place to live.

Brilliant!

Stuff