2011 NFL Rankings by ESPN

I like to get together with some internet pals over at Fark to discuss ESPN’s rankings every week. We were always complaining about how erratic they seemed, so I decided to start graphing the new rankings every week. This is the final product for this regular season. Teams are sorted on the left by their Week 1 rank. Sorry if it makes everyone go cross-eyed. That’s kind of the point. :)

Stuff

New Year's Resolutions

What swims at 20 mile per hour and can carve out hunks of human flesh? The Humboldt Squid.

Cassell first heard about the "diablos rojos," or red devils, in 1995, from some Mexican fishermen as he was filming gray whales for German public television in Baja's Laguna San Ignacio. Intrigued, he made his way to La Paz, near the southern tip of Baja, to dive under the squid-fishing fleet. It was baptism by tentacle. Humboldts—mostly five-footers—swarmed around him. As Cassell tells it, one attacked his camera, which smashed into his face, while another wrapped itself around his head and yanked hard on his right arm, dislocating his shoulder. A third bit into his chest, and as he tried to protect himself he was gang-dragged so quickly from 30 to 70 feet that he didn't have time to equalize properly, and his right eardrum ruptured. "I was in the water five minutes and I already had my first injury," Cassell recalls, shaking his head. "It was like being in a barroom brawl." Somehow he managed to push the squid-pile off and make his way to the surface, battered and exhilarated. "I was in love with the animal," he says.

A Joke

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

One should hope for such a good obituary

SPIEGEL, Robert Robert Spiegel of Kensington was born in Brooklyn, NY on May 2, 1934, lived and subsequently died. Most of his noteworthy accomplishments happened in said middle part. A Professor Emeritus in the English department at Central Connecticut State University, Robert had the rare distinction in his career of receiving five grants from the National Endowment for the Humanities. Over the course of 43 years of teaching, he introduced countless neophytes to the wonders of the well-written word, passionately teaching the likes of Dostoyevsky, Vonnegut, Gogol, Gibson and virtually everyone in between. The final, and an immensely popular course he taught, was that of the literature of baseball. This was thinly veiled therapy to alleviate the trauma he sustained from coaching arguably the worst little league team in recorded (or unrecorded) history and from the sufferings he endured from 40 years as a devout Mets fan. Robert was a frequent Op Ed contributor to the Hartford Courant and NY Times, the latter of which, much to his chagrin, seemed to have long since relaxed the standards of its crossword puzzle. Also known to pen a poignant letter on subjects deserving, Robert was awarded the annual "Letters Writer Award" by the Hartford Courant in 1997. In addition to his university teachings, he also led popular book group discussions at the Peck Memorial Library. The son of Nathan and Kate Spiegel, Robert is survived by the love of his life, his wife Ursula; his daughter Lisa Billa and her husband Jayadev Billa, of San Jose, CA, parents of his grandsons Vishal, Vivek and Tejasvin; and his son Jeff (who if nothing else to show from his lineage, inherited his father's sardonic sense of humor) and his wife Vivian Yu, who ambitiously reside on Ambergris Caye in Belize. In addition to his immediate family, he is survived by his father-in-law, Dr. Gerald Blank and his wife Deenie; his brother-in-law Hal Herdey and his wife Karen; brother-in-law Dr. Michael Blank and his wife Dr. Marlene Eisenberg; his sister-in-law Naomi Blank; niece Lilo; nephews Isaac and Elijah; and his dear cousin Edward Solomon. Robert was predeceased by his parents, brother Charles, mother-in-law Lilo Blank, and his niece Dawn. Also departed before him was a bevy of beagles, all eternally loyal to their benevolent master, if not lacking a tad in their own intellect. At the end of his life, Robert battled with cardiac disease and dementia. Whereas the disease did thankfully erase most memories of the '62 Mets season, it eventually also claimed his life. Bedside vigil was fueled by lively conversation, background music of Jimmy Buffet and Bob Marley, chicken curry and the occasional smuggled glass of Glenlivet. On November 30, 2011, with his family by his side at the Hospital of Central Connecticut, Robert Spiegel passed away peacefully at the age of 77. Funeral services were private. Contributions in Robert's memory may be made to the Peck Memorial Library of Berlin, or to the Humane Society of Meriden. A celebration of Robert Spiegel's life will be held this spring (date and time to be announced) at Central Connecticut State University. Spicy food and good single malt will be served, casual attire expected.

A Joke

A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon, suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had disappeared. The somewhat irate spouse called her mate’s cell phone and demanded: Where the hell are you? Husband: Darling you remember that jewelry shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn't have money that time and said Baby it'll be yours one day. Wife, with a smile blushing: Yes, I remember that my Love. Husband: Well, I'm in the bar next to that shop.

Pulling a tooth using a Nerf gun

For Christmas, Your Government Will Explain Why It's Legal to Kill You

Summary:

• The government dropped a bomb on a U.S. citizen,
• who, though a total dick and probably a criminal, may have been engaged only in propaganda,
• which, though despicable, is generally protected by the First Amendment;
• it did so without a trial or even an indictment (that we know of),
• based at least in part on evidence it says it has but won't show anyone,
• and on a legal argument it has apparently made but won't show anyone,
• and the very existence of which it will not confirm or deny;
• although don't worry, because the C.I.A. would never kill an American without having somebody do a memo first;
• and this is the "most transparent administration ever";
• currently run by a Nobel Peace Prize winner.

I'm bored. What should I balance on my face?

Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever

Tollers are named for their ability to entice or lure waterfowl within gunshot range, called "tolling". The hunter stays hidden in a blind and sends the dog out to romp and play near the water, usually by tossing a ball or stick to be retrieved. Appearing similar to a fox, the dog's unusual activity and white markings pique the curiosity of ducks and geese, who swim over to investigate

How To Do Yoga

Wednesday-Weird-Bible-Verse: 200 foreskins as a wedding price for a bride

The first weird Bible verse he tackles is 1 Samuel 18:27: "David took his men with him and went out and killed two hundred Philistines and brought back their foreskins. They counted out the full number to the king so that David might become the king’s son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.

(Don't forget to read the comments.)

The 50 funniest tweets of 2011.

Population Control

My New Favorite Song

Solstice self-portrait (with two dogs)

Bad Santas

Mounties in North Vancouver, B.C., are on the lookout for two Santas who got into a brawl with a patron at a local pub.

Police were called to the Rusty Gull Pub at about 11 p.m. PT Friday night to reports the two Santas got into a fight with an unidentified man, who ended up in hospital for treatment.

"By the time our officers arrived at the pub, the two Santas had disappeared, if you will, and the patrols were negative," said RCMP Cpl. Richard de Jong.

"So at this point we are on the lookout for two Santas, but we figure they'll be lost in the woodwork."

The victim was taken to hospital with minor injuries and has since been released. He does not plan to press charges if the Santas are found.

"This time of year I think people get into the spirit of the Christmas celebration and it's a pretty good disguise to have considering the 'Christmas cheer' that probably enabled their behaviour to get to the point where it did," de Jong said.

"Somebody asked, 'Were they regular patrons of the pub?' and I said, 'No. I think they just come once a year.'"

106 of the most beloved Street Art Photos – Year 2011

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The one review is pretty good.

Where should I go for a drink? NSFW

If you need a good laugh today

A Nice LIttle Fiim - Watch till the End

One-time Secret

https://onetimesecret.com/

True Map of Montana

Good parenting

Notes from the Field: Campylobacter jejuni Infections Associated with Sheep Castration — Wyoming, 2011

On June 29, 2011, the Wyoming Department of Health was notified of two laboratory-confirmed cases of Campylobacter jejuni enteritis among persons working at a local sheep ranch. During June, two men had reported onset of symptoms compatible with campylobacteriosis. Both patients had diarrhea, and one also had abdominal cramps, fever, nausea, and vomiting. One patient was hospitalized for 1 day. Both patients recovered without sequelae. During June, both patients had participated in a multiday event to castrate and dock tails of 1,600 lambs. Both men reported having used their teeth to castrate some of the lambs. Among the 12 persons who participated in the event, the patients are the only two known to have used their teeth to castrate lambs.

Go ahead, press the button.

Wolves Chasing Bison

The Science of Lines

It's True!

The 12 All-Time Ugliest Christmas Sweaters

Wal-Mart Chairs--Do NOT Buy

Wal-Mart Chairs--Do NOT Buy

Another serious problem with

defective Chinese products, where will it end!! Beware!!!!!!! Wal-mart is selling lounge chairs made in China, and the plastic is very, very cheap and thin. Purchase at your own risk!!!!!

****

Those cheap Wal-Mart chairs.

Don't buy them, or this could happen to you or a loved-one!!!

A Griz Joke

The year is 2036 and the United States has just elected the first woman as President of the United States. A few days after the election, the president-elect calls her father in Montana and asks, "So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?" "I don't think so. It's a long drive; your mom isn't as young as she used to be, we'll have the dog with us, and my arthritis is acting up in my knee." "Don't worry about it, Dad, I'll send Air Force One or another support aircraft to pick you up and take you home, and a limousine will pick you up at your door," she said. "I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?" "Oh, Dad," she replied, "I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by one of the best designers in New York." "Honey," Dad complained, "You know we can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat." The President-elect responded, "Don't worry, Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in D.C. and I'll ensure your meals are salt-free. Dad, I really want you to come." So her parents reluctantly agreed, and on January 20, 2037, arrived to see their daughter sworn in as President of the United States. The parents of the new President are seated in the front row. The President's dad notices a senator sitting next to him and leans over and whispers, "You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?" The Senator whispered in reply, "Yes I do." Dad says proudly, "Her brother played football for the Griz."

Jokes

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. Keep reading-they get better!!! WOMEN'S REVENGE 'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked. 'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.' I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own . so does she... (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!) A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.' A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and sobeautiful all at the same time. 'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would beattracted to you! A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.' Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . 'HEBREWS' A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up..' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

The Visual History of Christmas Trees

Anyone but Romney: The GOP race so far

Death to Pennies

Good Baby Book

Musical Map of Columbia

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