Do This!

I can't wait until someone opens this cabinet.

A Joke

A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a most deserted beach at Ft. Meyers , Florida .

She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him.

"How are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book.

"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely, she countered. "Do you live around here?" She asked.

"Yes, I live over in Cape Coral ," he answered , and again he resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted," Do you like pussy cats?"

With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.

When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and
asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

A Joke

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence,

'Get well soon . from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.'

Want It

Let's say you bought this car, a Cadillac CTS-V Sport Wagon, with a 6.2-liter, 556-horsepower Corvette V8, six-speed manual transmission, magnetorheological dampers (I'll get to that), Michelin SP2 gumballs, 15-inch front Brembo brakes with six-pot calipers, and microsuede wrapping on the steering wheel and shifter. Well, first of all, you'd be one strange cat, which is to say, unusual. Notwithstanding any nitro-burning ice-cream trucks or flying boattail Rollses in your neighborhood, this wagon is about as esoteric an automobile as you're likely to find. Statistically speaking, General Motors will sell exactly none of these cars, the Detroit equivalent of Zoroastrianism.

Such a car would be useful if you wanted to duck car-pooling duty or avoid field trips with the Cub Scouts, because no child emerging weepy and jelly-kneed from the back seats of this supercharged washing machine will ever want to get back in. You'll be on cupcake duty from then on.

Grand piano found on sandbar in Miami bay

Ted Haggard admits (sorta)

About former meth dealer and escort Mike Jones, Haggard says: "We never had sex sex. I bought drugs and a massage from him, and he masturbated me at the end of it. That's it."

He admitted to buying drugs "five or six times" from Jones, but adds: "Sometimes I'd throw it away. Other times, I'd go someplace and masturbate and use it. But it was for masturbation. And that's one of the reasons why I haven't been real clear. I don't want to stand up publicly and say, 'Hey, I'm a masturbation guy!"

"You know, that's really the core issue here," he added. "I bought the drugs to enhance masturbation. Because what crystal meth does--Mike taught me this--crystal meth makes it so you don't ejaculate soon. So you can watch porn and masturbate for a long time."

State of the Union Bingo

Modernist Posters for TV Shows

Na

Murders by Firearm - National Comparisions

Starbucks Introducing New Size for Iced Drinks

Kauai

Picnic table graffiti on a Kauai beach

A bunch of stuff

Where's Doug? 1/5/11

Well it's a rock and roll band or a movie you can take your pick.

I Wish I Lived In This Universe

Where's Doug? 1/4/2010 9:40 p.m.

The Digital Story Of The Nativity

Want It!

454 cubic inch big block Chevrolet V8 produces 412 horsepower
Just in case you're havin' any trouble removing snow from your driveway... This baby will blow snow back to where it came from... More story at the bottom...

And now for the rest of the story....

If you're tired of anemic, one-lung snow blowers with their slipping drive belts, you might consider Kai Grundt's V8 snow blower, which raises the bar on the traditional snow blower in every respect. With electric start, electric block heater, antifreeze heater and eight cylinders, it has no drive belts to freeze up and you'll never get bored with the job, as the 454 cubic inch big block Chevrolet V8 produces 412 horsepower, 430 foot pounds of torque and can throw snow 50 feet at just 3500 rpm.

Nor will you get cold, as the machine has been ingeniously designed to route the engine coolant through the handle bars, with the rear mounted, enclosed radiator keeping the operator nice and cozy.

Maneuvering the massive beast (it has a total wet weight of 912 lbs) is a breeze thanks to the hydraulic-drive 4WD skid steer on independent walking beams, which offers a zero turning radius. It's also as fast as you like, with an infinitely adjustable speed range on the drive wheels via dash mounted flow control. At the opposite end of the scale, it has more than enough torque to pull your car out of the ditch before the hydraulic motors stall!

Adding to the well-balanced feel of the unit, just 15 pounds of down force on the handlebars will lift the auger blade off the ground in order to climb stairs/walkways for ease of snow removal. Safety has been, and continues to be, paramount, with spring return to center "fail safe" type directional controls with emergency stop and tether cords.

Safety is one of the key themes, with a flashing blue light (as required by law in many areas) being the least of the safety features. None will fail to hear you with those twin throaty exhausts, which come standard with 92 decibels at the controls, though if the rumble of a V8 exhaust is music to your ears, you can obviously go much louder. Even at the standard baffling, hearing protection is strongly suggested.

The powerful yard machine lights and a dashboard with back lit gauges complete the package to ease the burden of this normally reviled task. The custom 42 inch, two-stage auger has a Chevrolet 10 bolt truck differential with spool and a centrifugal auger clutch with shear pin protection, further adding to the image of this "automotive theme blower." As each unit is custom-built, optional extras for the snow blower are both diverse and outrageous as the base unit - there is unlimited auger choices from single to multi stage designs and various motor combinations to suit the religious preferences of the customer (Chevy, Dodge Hemi, Ford); and such exotica as a V-10 or a diesel engine or remote starting can be accommodated. And if, after a while, you feel you've outgrown the 400 horses, this particular engine is well catered for in the performance modification area, with Lunati camshaft, Milodon Gear drive, Holley and Edelbrock components to name a few; and there's always the fuel injection option too, if you feel you need to throw the snow out of the county or ensure your seat in the "neighborhood blower blingster hall of fame."

When men bake!

World Record Kneeling High Jump

Are you
aware that a new world record has been set for the HIGH JUMP
from
a KNEELING position ?

The record (0.757
meters) - remember this is from a KNEELING position
-
was set
recently on a beach near Montpellier in
Southern
France .

The photograph below
was taken a split second before the jump -
but it gives
you an idea as to how it was achieved......

The four types of Labs.

Where's Doug? 1/3/11

I'm just walking the dog.

Where's Doug? 1/2/2011

The Montana Legislature meets for 90 days every two years.

Some say it would be better if they met for two days every 90 years.

Where's Doug? 1/1/11

• From Thomas McGuane‘s Driving on the Rim

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of a trailer has a gun.”

Where's Doug? 12/31/10

Mt. Ascension, Helena.

Where I Went In December

Hey, Hey TSA

The kind of people who say, "Think Outside The Box" probably wouldn't find this funny.

So long as one person gets the joke.

Good advice.

Where's Doug? 12/30/10

Looking south on Last Chance Gulch. 4:00 p.m.

Driving to Work

December 13, 2010

Tips for tapping into your wild marketer

Now that it's harder than ever to make a living in the rural West, we locals have to tap into our inner entrepreneur to survive. Hard work is still important, but creativity and judicious copying help a lot, too. Just use your imagination....

For example, Samantha Fox of Twisp, Wash., grew up in a deer-hunting family before leaving her hometown in the North Cascades to pursue a degree in fashion. After graduating from college, Fox returned to Twisp, pop. 980, and started a business called Wild Things.

"There weren't any jobs, so I decided to make my own," said Fox. "Wild Things uses local deer hides, animal fur and feathers to make lingerie for the modern primitive -- it's sort of 'Victoria's Secret meets Clan of the Cave Bear.' "

During hunting season each year, Fox collects hides from hunters, tans them and turns them into sexy sleepwear that she sells on the Internet. Her women's lingerie collection -- made entirely of local deer hides -- has grown to include such items as her "Doe in Heat" panties, her "High Mountain Peaks" series of push-up bras and her "Get Along Little Thongs."

Where's Doug? 12/29/10

Up on Mill Creek. It takes awhile before there is any action.

How to survive a zombie attack during the holidays

"Kenny Loggins wouldn't beat the baby Jesus..."

Gold, Frankinsense and Jameson;s?