"I'm You." - Christine O'Donnell Ad Parody

Alzheimers Test

How fast can you guess these words?


1. F_ _K
2. PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM


Scroll down for the correct answers...















Answers:

1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM


You got all 6 wrong, too...didn't you?

A Joke

Sven is passing by Ole's hay shed one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Ole doing a slow and deliberate striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right suspender of his weathered Oshkosh denim overalls, followed by the left.

He then hunches his shoulders forward and, in a classic striptease move, exposes his red & black plaid flannel shirt.

Grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his red union suit (underwear for our younger readers).

And, with a final flourish, he hurls his flat cap on to the straw pile.

“Vat on earth ar ya doin’ Ole?” asks Sven

“Yumpin Yimminy, Sven, ya scared da livin bejeevas out of me!” exclaimed an obviously embarrassed Ole; “but, me and the Missus… vell, ve ben havin’ some troubles lately in da bedroom department and da Therapist said I got to do something sexy to a tractor. "

The Economy Is So Bad . . .

-The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

-I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

-CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

-If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them .

- Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

-McDonald's is selling the 1 /4 'ouncer'.

-Parents in Beverly Hills and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their children's names.

-A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

- Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

-Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

-The Mafia is laying off judges.

-BP Oil laid off 25 Congressmen.

-Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $ 1 .5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Life line and was connected to a call center in Pakistan .

When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

A Joke

A while back, when I was considerably younger, I picked up a date at her parents’ home. I’d scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail. Lobster. Champagne. I asked her, “Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?” “No,” she replied. “but my mother’s not expecting a blow job tonight.” I said "Enjoy!"

If Facebook Existed Long Ago

The Myth of Preparation

There are three stages of preparation. (For a speech, a product, an interview, a sporting event...)

The first I'll call the beginner stage. This is where you make huge progress as a result of incremental effort.

The second is the novice stage. This is the stage in which incremental effort leads to not so much visible increase in quality.

And the third is the expert stage. Here's where races are won, conversations are started and sales are made. A huge amount of effort, off limits to most people, earns you just a tiny bit of quality. But it's enough to get through the Dip and be seen as the obvious winner.

Here's the myth: The novice stage is useful.

If all you're going to do is go through the novice stage before you ship, don't bother. If you're not prepared to put in the grinding work of the expert stage, just do the beginner stuff and stop screwing around. Make it good enough and ship it and move on.

We diddle around in the novice stage because we're afraid. We polish (but not too much) and go to meetings (plenty of them) and look for deniability, spending hours and hours instead of shipping. And the product, in the end, is not so much better.

I'm all for expertise. Experts, people who push through and make something stunning--we need more of them. But let's be honest, if you're not in the habit of being an expert, it's unlikely your current mode of operation is going to change that any time soon.

Go, give a speech. Go, start a blog. Go, ship that thing that you've been hiding. Begin, begin, begin and then improve. Being a novice is way overrated.

Too True! I am working on this.

Everything You Really Need To Know About Blockbuster's Bankruptcy

I love Netflix Instant. I can watch movies at my house, at Suzanne's house, and on the laptop when I'm cooking or traveling. I can start a movie in one room/house/town and watch it anywhere else.

Except my phone.

Some Things

Great Advertising Campaign To Men

Think of the miners

Some Thoughts

• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
• We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
• War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.
• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
• Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
• I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
• A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
• Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."
• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
• Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
• Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
• I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
• Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
• There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
• You're never too old to learn something stupid.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
• If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine

A Joke

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me, son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the crap inside!"

Want It!

CALIFORNIA: Beer Sellers Oppose Marijuana Legalization Bill

A coalition of beer distributors is opposingCalifornia's Proposition 19, the attempt to legalize and tax the sale of marijuana.

On Sept. 7, the California Beer & Beverage Distributors gave $10,000 to a committee opposing Proposition 19, the measure that would change state law to legalize pot and allow it to be taxed and regulated. The California Police Chiefs Association has given the most to the Proposition 19 opposition with a contribution of $30,000, according to Cal-Access, a website operated by the secretary of state’s office. Rhonda Stevenson, the California Beer & Beverage Distributors political action committee’s coordinator, was out of the office on Wednesday. Nobody else from the group was available to comment. “Unless the beer distributors in California have suddenly developed a philosophical opposition to the use of intoxicating substances, the motivation behind this contribution is clear,” Steve Fox, director of government relations for the Marijuana Policy Project, said in statement. “Plain and simple, the alcohol industry is trying to kill the competition. Their mission is to drive people to drink.”

Some beer manufacturers have disavowed their own distributors. Sierra Nevada has demanded that their name be removed from the membership list of the above-cited group.

Biblical parting of the Red Sea 'could have happened'

A new computer modelling study suggests a powerful wind could have divided the waters just as depicted in the Book of Exodus.

The likely location of the ''miracle'' was not the Red Sea as such, but a nearby spot in the Nile Delta region.

In the biblical account, Moses and the fleeing Israelites are trapped between the Pharaoh's advancing chariots and a body of water identified from translations as either the Red Sea or Sea of Reeds.

Thanks to divine intervention, a mighty east wind blows all night, splitting the waters to leave a passage of dry land with walls of water on both sides.

The Israelites make their escape, but when the Pharaoh's army tries to pursue them the waters come crashing back and drown the soldiers.

Scientists in the US studying ancient maps of the Nile Delta region pinpointed where the crossing may have occurred, just south of the Mediterranean Sea.

Your point being what?

Worst. Best? Kung. Fu. Ever? (Kinda NSFW)

Aint' It The Truth?

One in four lap dancers has a degree, study finds

The first academic research project into lap dancing has found that, rather than being uneducated young women who have been coerced into the industry, one in four dancers has a degree and has been attracted by the money.

The Buffalo Bill Dam on the Shoshoni River at Cody Wyoming....

Some Jokes

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Montana and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'

-----------------------

A group of friends from MSU went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. 'Where's Henry?' the others asked.
'Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail,' the successful hunter replied.
'You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?' they inquired.
'A tough call,' nodded the hunter.... 'But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!'

-------------------

The sheriff pulled up next to the guy with UM license plates unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The sheriff asked, 'Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head'.

'Yep', he replied. 'That's why I'm dumpin it here, 'cause it says 'Fine For Dumping Garbage'.

----------------

The young man from MSU came running into the store and said to his buddy, 'Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!'

Bubba replied, 'Did you see who it was?'

The young man answered, 'I couldn't tell, but I got his license plate number.'

--------------------

A Missoula police officer pulled over a pickup full of Griz football players on Higgins Avenue. The trooper asked, 'Got any I.D.?' The driver replied, 'Bout whut?

Hacked IRL

Ghetto Swimming Pool

Dinosaurs = Jesus' Ponies?

Norris Hot Springs

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Today in Downtown Helena

This is the sticker . . .

and this is the bike.

The Complete Proper Guide to Rocking

Where should you pee?

Bono meets reality

Five years ago, U2 front man Bono and his wife, Ali Hewson, founded fashion brand Edun with the lofty mission of revitalizing apparel manufacturing in sub-Saharan Africa.

But when Edun designer Sharon Wauchob unveils her new vision for the label Saturday, most of the clothes on the runway—some featuring African touches like beads from Kenya—will be produced in China

When you spend, which political party are you funding?

Wolf Point has a brewery!

Cheerleader gets eaten

Report on a new thimerosal Study

That study has just been published in the journal Pediatrics as Prenatal and Infant Exposure to Thimerosal From Vaccines and Immunoglobulins and Risk of Autism. They studied “256 children with ASD and 752 controls matched by birth year, gender, and [managed care organizations]”. I will give some details here. I expect the treatment on the Science Based Medicine and Steven Novela’s Neurologica blogs to cover the science thoroughly should you wish more detail.

A very cool concept of Google maps and art.

A Great! Commercial

Winnie the Pooh Dog

I THOUGHT I was a 36.

Decorated Cars

A Joke

A married couple goes to a marriage counselor to work out some problems. The counselor sits them on the couch and says "Let's start by talking about what you both have in common."

The husband says "Well for starters, neither one of us sucks dick."

New Bra

Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and beat the shit out of him.

A Joke

A new supermarket opened in my town.

It has an automatic water mister to keep produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows moo and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks.

In the beer department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of hops.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

A Prank

At a high school in Montana a group of high schoolers played a prank on the school. They let three goats loose in the school. Before they let them go they painted numbers on the sides of the goats. 1,2,4. Local school administrators spent most of the day looking for #3.

A True Hunting Story

Here's a picture of the new world record whitetail. It was taken by the cousin of a co-worker's sister's, uncle's, best friend's, son-in-law's, niece's hairdresser's, neighbor's ex-boyfriend's oldest nephew. Reportedly it will score 2603-1/8 by B&C standard and was shot in West Texas on a really windy day, 85 degrees downhill, around a curve at 900 yards with a 22 mag. Supposedly, this deer had killed a Brahma bull, two Land Rovers and six Jehovah's Witnesses in the last two weeks alone. They said it was winning a fight with Bigfoot when it was shot. It had also been confirmed that the buck had been seen drinking discharge water from a nuclear power plant.

This has been checked on Snopes who confirmed it. Honest!!!

A Joke

An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth.

He spoke to his toes. "Hello toes!" he said. "How are you? You
know, you are 92 today. Oh the times we've had! Remember how we
walked on the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon. The times we
waltzed on the dance Floor? Happy Birthday toes!"

"Hello, knees," he continued. "How are you? You know you're 92
today. Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we marched in the
parade? Oh, the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy Birthday,
knees."

Then, he looked down at his crotch. "Hello Willie! You little
bugger. Just think. If you were alive today, you'd be 92.

A joke

Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.

He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said. 'Hey, Murph! You just had you a son,!

'Ain't dat grand, !!' Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, 'Hold on! We ain't finished yet, !'

The doctor then delivered a little girl.

He said, 'Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter, !!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too....'

Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, 'Hold on, we aint got done yet, !'

The doctor then delivered another boy and said, Murph, you just had yourself another boy, !'

Murphy said to the doctor, 'Doc, what caused all of dem babies,?'

The doctor said, 'You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during conception.'

Murphy said, 'Ah yeah, during conception.'

When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said,

'Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.'

She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night...'

Murph said, 'I'll tell you, .it's a f kin’ good ting we didn't use WD-40.

A few pictures