watching the sunset . . .
and NOT being up to my ass in alligators.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
It's been a tough week,
Cruising around in a convertible and camping on the beach . . . 
watching the sunset . . .
and NOT being up to my ass in alligators.
watching the sunset . . .
and NOT being up to my ass in alligators.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Winter Fishing the Little Blackfoot
Waiting for Green Grass
She gets bored when I fish the same hole for 1/2 hour.
She gets bored when I fish the same hole for 1/2 hour.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Hamlet (as a Facebook News Feed)
The king poked the queen.
The queen poked the king back.
Hamlet and the queen are no longer friends.
Marcellus is pretty sure something's rotten around here.
Hamlet became a fan of daggers.
(More behind the link.)
The queen poked the king back.
Hamlet and the queen are no longer friends.
Marcellus is pretty sure something's rotten around here.
Hamlet became a fan of daggers.
(More behind the link.)
Letter from the Boss
As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%.
But since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off six of our employees instead. This has really been bothering me, since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.
So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lot and found six Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change; I gave it to them.
I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.
But since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off six of our employees instead. This has really been bothering me, since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.
So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lot and found six Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change; I gave it to them.
I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
The Untold Story of the World's Biggest Diamond Heist
In February 2003, Notarbartolo was arrested for heading a ring of Italian thieves. They were accused of breaking into a vault two floors beneath the Antwerp Diamond Center and making off with at least $100 million worth of loose diamonds, gold, jewelry, and other spoils. The vault was thought to be impenetrable. It was protected by 10 layers of security, including infrared heat detectors, Doppler radar, a magnetic field, a seismic sensor, and a lock with 100 million possible combinations. The robbery was called the heist of the century, and even now the police can't explain exactly how it was done.
Ten Minute Raccoon Butt Shelf
A raccoon shimmied up a tree in plain view of my living room windows, stuck his head in a squirrel hole and couldn't get it back out. I made a butt shelf because he was just hangin' there twisting and turning and I needed to think about how to get him free without getting rabies or something. Next morning I drilled holes with a spade bit, joined the holes with a reciporicating saw and then chiseled the rest off. He climbed in the the hole and I climbed down the ladder.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
New iPod Shuffle
Apparently the tiny iPod Shuffle wasn't tiny enough. On Wednesday, Apple unveiled a 4GB Shuffle that's half the size of its predecessor.
The new device is smaller than a AA battery yet holds up to 1,000 songs, Apple said
Just Thinking
Did you realize that President Obama probably signed his stimulus package at the same desk where President Clinton got his package stimulated?
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Dang it, I know where one of these is!
Maybe at a drive-in movie theater? It's going to drive me nuts until I remember (and go there.)
Now THATS Flying.
It looks like the beginning of a 60s Swedish porn film, but actually is a video of a real pilot and a stewardess smoking hashish, recorded recently in an Aeroflot flight, the Russian flag airlines.
The Iron Eagle Awards
Let's say you're a defense-company marketing executive. And you want to make a splash at the Indian defense ministry's annual air show. Do you: (a) buy expensive gifts for New Delhi's generals; (b) treat the press to Kingfishers and samosas; (c) produce a Bollywood-esque video featuring bare-midriff girls, flower-draped missiles, and the catch phrase "dinga dinga dee?"
A Great Interview on NPR
Former Marine Donovan Campbell served three combat deployments, two in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. In Iraq, he commanded Joker One, a platoon of new Marines that he trained and transformed into a fighting unit. They were assigned to Ramadi, the capital of the Sunni-dominated Anbar province where they engaged in daily house-to-house combat with insurgents.
Campbell has written a memoir about his experiences with the platoon called Joker One: A Marine Platoon's Story of Courage, Leadership, and Brotherhood.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
One of the reasons I sometimes think about moving to Canada
How do you get a bunch of drunk Canadians out of a swimming pool?
"Excuse me, could you all please get out of the pool?"
"Excuse me, could you all please get out of the pool?"
Saturday, March 07, 2009
HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Lichtenstein. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. < BR>
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Lichtenstein. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. < BR>
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
A St. Patrick's Day Joke
An Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?' The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.' So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother, have you found Jesus?' The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, this time for a little longer. Another time he pulls him out of the water and then asks again, 'Have you found Jesus me brother?' The drunk again answers, 'No, oi I haven't found Jesus.'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and only when he begins kicking his arms and legs does he pull him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus yet?'
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, 'Are ya sure dis is the place where he fell in?’
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?' The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.' So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother, have you found Jesus?' The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, this time for a little longer. Another time he pulls him out of the water and then asks again, 'Have you found Jesus me brother?' The drunk again answers, 'No, oi I haven't found Jesus.'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and only when he begins kicking his arms and legs does he pull him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus yet?'
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, 'Are ya sure dis is the place where he fell in?’
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
The Code of the West
Never wake another man by shaking or touching him, as he might wake suddenly and shoot you.
Real cowboys are modest. A braggert who is "all gurgle and no guts" is not tolerated.
Always fill your whiskey glass to the brim.
Be there for a friend when he needs you.
Drinking on duty is grounds for instant dismissal and blacklisting.
A cowboy is loyal to his "brand," to his friends, and those he rides with.
Never shoot an unarmed or unwarned enemy. This was also known as "the rattlesnake code": always warn before you strike. However, if a man was being stalked, this could be ignored.
Never shoot a woman no matter what.
Consideration for others is central to the code, such as: Don't stir up dust around the chuckwagon, don't wake up the wrong man for herd duty, etc.
(More after the link.)
Real cowboys are modest. A braggert who is "all gurgle and no guts" is not tolerated.
Always fill your whiskey glass to the brim.
Be there for a friend when he needs you.
Drinking on duty is grounds for instant dismissal and blacklisting.
A cowboy is loyal to his "brand," to his friends, and those he rides with.
Never shoot an unarmed or unwarned enemy. This was also known as "the rattlesnake code": always warn before you strike. However, if a man was being stalked, this could be ignored.
Never shoot a woman no matter what.
Consideration for others is central to the code, such as: Don't stir up dust around the chuckwagon, don't wake up the wrong man for herd duty, etc.
(More after the link.)
Elk Rescue
Hunters in Wyoming rescue a cow elk stranded in a icy hole in a stream. After she nearly tramples the hunters, she confounds them with her actions that follow.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Mrs. Schroedinger - "What have you done to the cat? It looks half-dead."
OMAHA, Neb. — A man who tried to cool out his hyper cat by stuffing her into a boxlike homemade bong faces cruelty charges – and catcalls from animal lovers. Lancaster County sheriff's deputies responding to a domestic disturbance call Sunday alleged they saw 20-year-old Acea Schomaker smoking marijuana through a piece of garden hose attached to a duct-taped, plastic glass box in which the cat had been stuffed.
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Cross-country skiing
For a girl, Ozzy has lots of balls. We had to cut them off with a knife. My joke about being hungry for prairie oysters was met with groans.
Friday, February 27, 2009
MONTANA ARCHAEOLOGIST
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 200 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: ' California archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'
One week later, The Great Falls Tribune, a local newspaper in Montana, reported the following: After digging as deep as 300 feet in his flower garden in Great Falls, Mt, Jack Kooker, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Jack has, therefore, concluded that 300 years ago, Montana had already gone wireless
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 200 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: ' California archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'
One week later, The Great Falls Tribune, a local newspaper in Montana, reported the following: After digging as deep as 300 feet in his flower garden in Great Falls, Mt, Jack Kooker, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Jack has, therefore, concluded that 300 years ago, Montana had already gone wireless
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